Limericks - 2

A cantankerous old biddy named Mary
Granted wishes three by a fairy
She took so long to think
That the fairy took to the drink

A cantankerous old biddy named Mary
Granted wishes three by a fairy
She took so long to think
That the fairy took to the drink
And Mary, the fairy, was wary.

I once had a fish that could talk

I once had a fish that could talk
It lived on a diet of pork

A cantankerous old biddy named Mary
Granted wishes three by a fairy
She took so long to think
That she had too much to drink

I once had a fish that could talk
It lived on a diet of pork
It chewed on the crackling

Sorry, -I caused a muddle

I once had a fish that could talk
It lived on a diet of pork
It chewed on the crackling
And then started cackling

I once had a fish that could talk
It lived on a diet of pork
It chewed on the crackling,
But didn’t try tackling

Oops - my muddle this time!

There once was a Santa called Joe
Who tied his beard up in a bow
He thought "My, that's pretty"
"I''ll go to the city
and look for a lady called Mo"

I once had a fish that could talk
It lived on a diet of pork
It chewed on the crackling,
But didn’t try tackling
Using a knife and a fork

I once had a cat that could swim

I once had a cat that could swim
I taught him one day twas a whim

I once had a cat that could swim
I taught him one day twas a whim
His breast stroke so neat

I once had a cat that could swim
I taught him one day twas a whim
His breast stroke so neat
To watch was a treat

I once had a cat that could swim
I taught him one day twas a whim
His breast stroke so neat
To watch was a treat
And it kept him so wonderfully trim.

The ducks and the geese were fighting

The ducks and the geese were fighting
I found it so terribly frightening

The ducks and the geese were fighting
I found it so terribly frightening
They were hissing and flapping

The ducks and the geese were fighting
I found it so terribly frightening
They were hissing and flapping
And spitting and snapping

The ducks and the geese were fighting
I found it so terribly frightening
They were hissing and flapping
And spitting and snapping
And sharp beaks were poking and biting.

Decorations are now packed away

Decorations are now packed away
Of course, there'll be some gone astray

Decorations are now packed away
Of course, there'll be some gone astray
I've purchased some more in the sales

Decorations are now packed away
Of course, there'll be some gone astray,
The angel's gone missing

Sorry... i don't know how that happened!

Decorations are now packed away
Of course, there'll be some gone astray
I've purchased some more in the sales
Whch I bought on a visit to Wales

Decorations are now packed away
Of course, there'll be some gone astray
I've purchased some more in the sales
Whch I bought on a visit to Wales
I miss them, so bright and gay!

As we need a starter

A Gransnetter who loved to eat gravy

A Gransnetter who loved to eat gravy
Sent her boys off to join the Royal Navy