Limericks - 3

My figure is not what it was
Too much has been passed through my jaws
I had better cut down
On the lunches in town
Or I'll never get through any doors.

The news is mostly depressing

The news is mostly depressing
And some of it's quite distressing

The news is mostly depressing
And some of it's quite distressing
It's best not to know

The news is mostly depressing
And some of it's quite distressing
It's best not to know
'Bout the ebb and the flow

The news is mostly depressing
And some of it's quite distressing
It's best not to know
'Bout the ebb and the flow
Ignorance can be quite a blessing!

I think I'll swim the Channel one day

I think I'll swim the Channel one day
I will do it in the month of may

I think I'll swim the Channel one day
I will do it in the month of may
I will make sure I'm fit

I think I'll swim the Channel one day
I will do it in the month of may
I will make sure I'm fit
But I have to admit

I think I'll swim the Channel one day
I will do it in the month of may
I will make sure I'm fit
But I have to admit
There are a few fears I need to allay

There was an old codger from Crewe

There was an old codger from Crewe
Who cooked up his wife in a stew

There was an old codger from Crewe
Who cooked up his wife in a stew
When the coppers called round

There was an old codger from Crewe
Who cooked up his wife in a stew
When the coppers called round
They tried it and found

There was an old codger from Crewe
Who cooked up his wife in a stew
When the coppers called round
They tried it and found
That it went down well with a brew.

If the cow jumped over the moon

If the cow jumped over the moon
I think I might actually swoon

If the cow jumped over the moon
I think I might actually swoon
I'd find it hard to believe

If the cow jumped over the moon
I think I might actually swoon
I'd find it hard to believe
That she could retrieve

If the cow jumped over the moon
I think I might actually swoon
I'd find it hard to believe
That she could retrieve
The dish that ran away with the spoon

I once had a book full of rhymes

I once had a book full of rhymes
I've read it a million times

I once had a book full of rhymes
I've read it a million times
So I'm nearly word perfect

I once had a book full of rhymes
I've read it a million times
So I'm nearly word perfect
And now I just reflect

I once had a book full of rhymes
I've read it a million times
So I'm nearly word perfect
And now I just reflect
Will a ditty earn a few dimes?

A cold wind blows from the Arctic

A cold wind blows from the Arctic
Bringing a changeable climatic

A cold wind blows from the Arctic
Bringing a changeable climatic
Hibernation sounds good

A cold wind blows from the Arctic
Bringing a changeable climatic
Hibernation sounds good,
If only I could