Limericks - 3

Wrap up warm as it’s blowing a hooley
Woolley gloves and a scarf and a hoody
Please remember your vest
Aertex is the best
'Cos that Arctic blast's a big bully!

There was a young woman named Kate

Wrap up warm as it’s blowing a hooley
Woolley gloves and a scarf and a hoody
Please remember your vest
Aertex is the best
With Long Johns and maybe a Woolie !!!

Oh no my nose is twitching

There was a young woman named Kate
And big dave asked her out on a date

There was a young woman named Kate
And big dave asked her out on a date
But she wasn't too sure

There was a young woman named Kate
And big dave asked her out on a date
But she wasn't too sure
His intentions were pure

There was a young woman named Kate
And big dave asked her out on a date
But she wasn't too sure
His intentions were pure
So she said 'Yes, plus my mate!'

There once was a clever young man

There once was a clever young man
Whose brain was the size of a van

There once was a clever young man
Whose brain was the size of a van.
He won Mastermind twice

There once was a clever young man
Whose brain was the size of a van.
He won Mastermind twice
And won Eggheads thrice

There once was a clever young man
Whose brain was the size of a van.
He won Mastermind twice
And won Eggheads thrice
And learnt everyone's names in Japan!

A young girl said "When I grow up"

A young girl said "When I grow up"
I will get a wee pup

A young girl said "When I grow up"
I will get a wee pup
A fluffy Shih Tzu

A young girl said "When I grow up"
I will get a wee pup
A fluffy Shih Tzu
Whom I shall call Hugh

A young girl said "When I grow up"
I will get a wee pup
A fluffy Shih Tzu
Whom I shall call Hugh
And teach it to drink from a cup.

I'm longing to dance the Flamenco

I’m longing to dance the Flamenco
But not with that man Timoshenko

I’m longing to dance the Flamenco
But not with that man Timoshenko,
He's got two left feet

I'm longing to dance the Flamenco
But I'm worried my ankles will then go

I’m longing to dance the Flamenco
But not with that man Timoshenko,
He's got two left feet
And really bad teeth

I’m longing to dance the flamenco
But not with that man Timoshenko.
He’s got two left feet
And really bad teeth.
He only can dance the fandango.

If a genie gave me a wish

If a genie gave me a wish
I would want a man who''s a dish

If a genie gave me a wish
I would want a man who''s a dish
Handsome and slender

If a genie gave me a wish
I would want a man who''s a dish
Handsome and slender
Loving and tender

If a genie gave me a wish
I would want a man who''s a dish
Handsome and slender
Loving and tender
And not one who's full of pish!
(Excuse the language)

There once was a rat and an owl

There once was a rat and an owl
Who at bath time could not find a towel