Limericks - 3

I curled up in bed and snuggly warm
Pre-empting the next bad snow storm
The heating’s on high
Thanks to gin so am I
To be honest, that's rather the norm.

An elegant young lady from Mayfair

An elegant young lady from Mayfair
Bought a beautiful sofa from Wayfair

An elegant young lady from Mayfair
Bought a beautiful sofa from Wayfair
But when on it she lay

An elegant young lady from Mayfair
Bought a beautiful sofa from Wayfair
But when on it she lay
She was heard to say

An elegant young lady from Mayfair
Bought a beautiful sofa from Wayfair
But when on it she lay
She was heard to say
'Why can't British Gas provide Home Care?'

My British Gas boiler is dripping

My British Gas boiler is dripping
Can hear it even while kipping

My British Gas boiler is dripping
Can hear it even while kipping
It's flooding the house

My British Gas boiler is dripping
Can hear it even while kipping
It's flooding the house
BG won't arouse

My British Gas boiler is dripping
Can hear it even while kipping
It’s flooding the house
BG won’t arouse
Their standards are seriously slipping

The icy wind outside is howling

My British Gas boiler is dripping
Can hear it even while kipping
It's flooding the house
BG won't arouse
So my payments to them will start slipping.

I'm completely snowed in today

The icy wind outside is howling
I think I must cancel my outing

The icy wind outside is howling
I think I must cancel my outing
No coffees or lunches

The icy wind outside is howling
I think I must cancel my outing
No coffees or lunches
I do love our brunchies

The icy wind outside is howling
I think I must cancel my outing
No coffees or lunches
I do love our brunchies
But I’ll stay in and finish the grouting

Things will be better next week

Things will be better next week
I will meet friends and speak

Things will be better next week
I will meet friends and speak
Till then i will knit and watch tv

Things will be better next week
I will meet friends and speak
Till then i will knit and watch tv
And live on beans on toast and tea

Things will be better next week
I will meet friends and speak
Till then i will knit and watch tv
And live on beans on toast and tea
And I'm glad that my roof doesn't leak!

There's a wedding for Meghan and Harry

There's a wedding for Meghan and Harry
Oo I wonder which month they will marry!

There’s a wedding for Meghan and Harry
Oh I wonder which month they will marry!
Will they be in ‘Hello’?

There’s a wedding for Meghan and Harry
Oh I wonder which month they will marry!
Will they be in ‘Hello’?
I shouldn't think so

There’s a wedding for Meghan and Harry
Oh I wonder which month they will marry!
Will they be in ‘Hello’?
I shouldn't think so
My son's the best man, he's called Gary

I hear Harry's gran will wear red

I hear Harry's gran will wear red
To see her grandson wed

I hear Harry's gran will wear red
To see her grandson wed,
With a grand hat, no doubt

I hear Harry's gran will wear red
To see her grandson wed,
With a grand hat, no doubt
She won't be seen to pout