Limericks - 3

I hear Harry's gran will wear red
To see her grandson wed,
With a grand hat, no doubt
She won't be seen to pout
As she wonders,"When will we be fed?"

I love a good quiz on the telly

I love a good quiz on the telly
But contestants' brains turn to jelly

I love a good quiz on the telly
But contestants' brains turn to jelly,
When questioned at speed

I love a good quiz on the telly
But contestants' brains turn to jelly,
When questioned at speed
They get shaky kneed

I love a good quiz on the telly
But contestants' brains turn to jelly,
When questioned at speed
They get shaky kneed
And a worrying growl in their belly!

So sometimes I sit and I knit

So sometimes I sit and I knit
Dropping a stitch I feel quite a twit

So sometimes I sit and I knit
Dropping a stitch I feel quite a twit
I think I'll try crochet

So sometimes I sit and I knit
Dropping a stitch I feel quite a twit
I think I'll try crochet
But patchwork, no way!

I hear Harry's gran will wear red
To see her grandson wed,
With a grand hat, no doubt
She won't be seen to pout
I doubt her account will be bled!!!

two hot potatoes sitting in their jackets

So sometimes I sit and I knit
Dropping a stitch I feel quite a twit
I think I'll try crochet
But patchwork, no way!
But why do the clothes never fit?

I wish I had learned how to sew,

I wish I had learned how to sew,
I’d always have things on the go

I wish I had learned how to sew,
I’d always have things on the go
My passion for fashion

I wish I had learned how to sew,
I’d always have things on the go
My passion for fashion
Exceeds my fair ration

I wish I had learned how to sew,
I’d always have things on the go
My passion for fashion
Exceeds my fair ration
Now my credit card says no

The boy next door is so handsome

The boy next door is so handsome
So witty and clever, not dumb

The boy next door is so handsome
So witty and clever, not dumb
My heart skips a beat when I see him

The boy next door is so handsome
So witty and clever, not dumb
My heart skips a beat
when I see him in the street

The boy next door is so handsome
So witty and clever, not dumb
My heart skips a beat
when I see him in the street
But I am a bit scared of his mum!

Once our pipes were frozen

Once our pipes were frozen
Which is not what I would have chosen

Once our pipes were frozen
Which is not what I would have chosen
No water for tea!

Once our pipes were frozen
Which is not what I would have chosen
No water for tea!
No flush after a wee

Once our pipes were frozen
Which is not what I would have chosen
No water for tea!
No flush after a wee.
And when they thawed we needed a boatswain!

I’ve been looking at holiday ads

I’ve been looking at holiday ads
I fancy one of those luxury pads

I’ve been looking at holiday ads
I fancy one of those luxury pads
With an outdoor jacuzzi

I’ve been looking at holiday ads
I fancy one of those luxury pads
With an outdoor jacuzzi
Did I hear you say "floozy?"