LIMERICKS 5

There’s a man in my head with a big hammer
It’s altered my voice to a stammer
My eyesight is blurred
I can barely be heard

There’s a man in my head with a big hammer
It’s altered my voice to a stammer
My eyesight is blurred
I can barely be heard
And I've just spent the night in the slammer.

I think I must alter my ways

I think I must alter my ways
Or my life will pass in a daze

I think I must alter my ways
Or my life will pass in a daze
So I'll give up the booze

I think I must alter my ways
Or my life will pass in a daze
So I'll give up the booze
And take up with a flooze (poetic license)

I think I must alter my ways
Or my life will pass in a daze
So I'll give up the booze
And take up with a flooze (poetic license)
I shall simply learn how to graze!

We each have our varied thoughts

We each have our varied thoughts
Untangling life's many knots

We each have our varied thoughts
Untangling life's many knots
Half-hitch, reef or granny

We each have our varied thoughts
Untangling life's many knots
Half-hitch, reef or granny
We have to ca' canny, (go cautiously)

We each have our varied thoughts
Untangling life's many knots
Half-hitch, reef or granny
We have to ca' canny, (go cautiously)
Or we'll end up covered in spots!

A grumpy old grandad from Swansea

A grumpy old grandad from Swansea
Sorely wanted his very own house key

A grumpy old grandad from Swansea
Sorely wanted his very own house key
He liked to go out in the dark

A grumpy old grandad from Swansea
Sorely wanted his very own house key
I'll go out when I please

Sorry, should have refreshed?

A grumpy old grandad from Swansea
Sorely wanted his very own house key
He liked to go out in the dark

A grumpy old grandad from Swansea
Sorely wanted his very own house key
He liked to go out in the dark
For a stroll round the local wee park

A grumpy old grandad from Swansea
Sorely wanted his very own house key
He liked to go out in the dark
For a stroll round the local wee park
But got lost and turned up in Nailsea.

It's sunny and the flowers are blooming

It's sunny and the flowers are blooming
Soon the garden will need daily grooming

It's sunny and the flowers are blooming
Soon the garden will need daily grooming
Such a joy for those that are able

It's sunny and the flowers are blooming
Soon the garden will need daily grooming
Such a joy for those that are able
Get out the chairs and the table

It's sunny and the flowers are blooming
Soon the garden will need daily grooming
Such a joy for those that are able
Get out the chairs and the table
And await the heatwave that’s looming

There was an old fellow from Crewe

There was an old fellow from Crewe
Who was busy fermenting a brew

There was an old fellow from Crewe
Who was busy fermenting a brew
He reeled from the fumes

There was an old fellow from Crewe
Who was busy fermenting a brew
He reeled from the fumes
Now he only consumes

There was an old fellow from Crewe
Who was busy fermenting a brew
He reeled from the fumes
Now he only consumes
Tea, coffee and cola in lieu!

A very strange lady from Leeds

A very strange lady from Leeds
Insisting on driving high speeds