Limericks 14

My badness may take many forms
I choose to ignore social norms
I eat in the street

My badness may take many forms
I choose to ignore social norms
I eat in the street
And when I'm replete

My badness may take many forms
I choose to ignore social norms
I eat in the street
And when I'm replete
I still manage to eat six cream horns!

So what I need now is a bucket or loo

So what I need now is a bucket or loo
Go to the park and the bushes will do

So what I need now is a bucket or loo
Go to the park and the bushes will do
Noo! My dog sniffed one out ?

My badness may take many forms
I choose to ignore social norms
How can it be wrong

Oops! Done it again ?

So what I need now is a bucket or loo
Go to the park and the bushes will do
Noo! My dog sniffed one out
I'm in trouble, no doubt

So what I need now is a bucket or loo
Go to the park and the bushes will do
Noo! My dog sniffed one out
I'm in trouble, no doubt
The long arm of the law is preventing my poo!

So please open toilets before we all scream

So please open toilets before we all scream
At my age I can’t even hold mid stream

So please open toilets before we all scream
At my age I can’t even hold mid stream
Hopping and jiggling

So please open toilets before we all scream
At my age I can't even hold mid stream
Hopping and jiggling
Such agonised wriggling

So please open toilets before we all scream
At my age I can't even hold mid stream
Hopping and jiggling
Such agonised wriggling
Takes torture to the extreme

I never was much good at geography

I never was much good at geography
And the same applies to topography

I never was much good at geography
And the same applies to topography
My maths is sadly lacking

I never was much good at geography
And the same applies to topography
My maths is sadly lacking
My self esteem is cracking

I never was much good at geography
And the same applies to topography
My maths is sadly lacking
My self esteem is cracking,
Perhaps I'll write my auto-biography.

At least it would give me something to do

At least it would give me something to do
So much detail to put in - such as who

At least it would give me something to do
So much detail to put in - such as who
But just have a care

At least it would give me something to do
So much detail to put in - such as who
But just have a care
It’s dangerous to share

At least it would give me something to do
So much detail to put in - such as who
But just have a care
It’s dangerous to share
Too much info and trouble could brew.

There are things I've kept close to my chest

There are things I've kept close to my chest
Oil of Wintergreen's one of the best!

There are things I've kept close to my chest
Oil of Wintergreen's one of the best!
I’ll try it today

There are things I've kept close to my chest
Oil of Wintergreen's one of the best!
I’ll try it today
The smell does fade away

There are things I've kept close to my chest
Oil of Wintergreen's one of the best!
I’ll try it today
The smell does fade away
Does it pass the two metre distance test?

A weather forecaster from Cheshire