Limericks 16

Let`s live and eat sensibly now
Before we have to take a bow
We`ll gloat `cos we`re slim
All vigour and vim
And folk will turn round and say WOW!

But I don`t have the will power

But I don`t have the will power
I know that more cakes I’ll devour

But I don't have the will power
I know that more cakes I'll devour
With bags of crisps too

But I don't have the will power
I know that more cakes I'll devour
With bags of crisps too
There's nowt I can do

But I don't have the will power
I know that more cakes I'll devour
With bags of crisps too
There's nowt I can do
But wait for the dinner hour.

My kitchen is beckoning me

My kitchen is beckoning me
I really must look for the key

My kitchen is beckoning me
I really must look for the key
Discipline! Clamp jaw!

My kitchen is beckoning me
I really must look for the key
Discipline! Clamp jaw!
On carrot I’ll gnaw

My kitchen is beckoning me
I really must look for the key
Discipline! Clamp jaw!
On carrot I’ll gnaw
But I must have a cup of tea.

Tea without sugar is healthy

Tea without sugar is healthy
Saves money and makes you wealthy

Tea without sugar is healthy
Saves money and makes you wealthy
I'll get used to it

Tea without sugar is healthy
Saves money and makes you wealthy
I'll get used to it
‘Twill make me quite fit

Tea without sugar is healthy
Saves money and makes you wealthy
I`ll get used to it
`Twill make me quite fit
Just one more time, I will be stealthy!

It`s coffee that causes me to sin

It`s coffee that causes me to sin
Along with biccies to dunk in

It`s coffee that causes me to sin
Along with biccies to dunk in,
Just don't buy any

It's coffee that causes me to sin
Along with biccies to dunk in,
Just don't buy any
As I eat too many

It's coffee that causes me to sin
Along with biccies to dunk in,
Just don't buy any
As I eat too many
It's best to just stick to the gin.

Gin and tonic has got to be good

Gin and tonic has got to be good
You would say that, I knew you would

Gin and tonic has got to be good
You would say that, I knew you would
Anything that lifts

Gin and tonic has got to be good
You would say that, I knew you would
Anything that lifts
My wobbly bits

Gin and tonic had got to be good
You would say that, I knew you would
Anything that lifts
My wobbly bits
So I won't need to hide 'neath a hood.

Perhaps I should invest in a corset

Perhaps I should invest in a corset
It might mean I have to force it

Perhaps I should invest in a corset
It might mean I have to force it
Squeeze in to be slim

Perhaps I should invest in a corset
It might mean I have to force it
Squeeze in to be slim
Shove my boobs near my chin

Perhaps I should invest in a corset
It might mean I have to force it
Squeeze in to be slim
Shove my boobs near my chin
And shove my belly right down to Dorset!

A posh name for a corset`s a girdle