July 21 Limericks

Olive, she's not very pretty
But, my, she's frightfully witty
It’s part of her charm

Olive, she's not very pretty
But, my, she's frightfully witty
It’s part of her charm
She can do no harm

Olive, she's not very pretty
But my, she's frightfully witty
It's part of her charm
She can do no harm
And sings a good little ditty.

Now she's learning to play the oboe

Now she's learning to play the oboe
Is Grade 1 as far as she'll go?

Now she's learning to play the oboe
Is Grade 1 as far as she'll go?
The sound is quite awful

Now she's learning to play the oboe
Is Grade 1 as far as she'll go?
The sound’s quite awful
Surely unlawful

Now she's learning to play the oboe
Is Grade 1 as far as she'll go?
The sound’s quite awful
Surely unlawful
How long must we suffer this woe?

I’m off to the store for earplugs

I’m off to the store for earplugs
And a few non-prescription drugs

I’m off to the store for earplugs
And a few non-prescription drugs
This should blot out noise

I’m off to the store for earplugs
And a few non-prescription drugs
This should blot out noise
It’s worse than some toys

I'm off to the store for earplugs
And a few non-prescription drugs
This should blot out the noise
It's worse than some toys
The racket is hurting my lugs.

Or maybe I should just move house?

Or maybe I should just move house?
With a neighbour as quiet as a mouse!

Or maybe I should just move house?
With a neighbour as quiet as a mouse!
A house on the hills?

Or maybe I should just move house?
With a neighbour as quiet as a mouse!
A house on the hills?
But its ghosts give me chills

Or maybe I should just move house?
With a neighbour as quiet as a mouse!
A house on the hills?
But its ghosts give me chills
Being chased by a herd of black cows

I’d love to see the Northern Lights

I'd love to see the Northern Lights
But first I have to check out flights

I'd love to see the Northern Lights
But first I have to check out flights
Myriad colours

I'd love to see the Northern Lights
But first I have to check out flights
Myriad colours
For so many hours

I'd love to see the Northern Lights
But first I have to check the flights
Myriad colours
For so many hours
And you have to pick the right nights.

T'was an old woman so grumpy

T'was an old woman so grumpy
As her custard was oft so lumpy

T'was an old woman so grumpy
As her custard was oft so lumpy
And so were her rhymes

T'was an old woman so grumpy
As her custard was oft so lumpy
And so were her rhymes
And she swore sometimes

T’was an old woman so grumpy
And her custard was oft so lumpy
And so were her rhymes
And she swore sometimes
Wonder why we’re all so jumpy!

I enjoy a nice custard pie

I enjoy a nice custard pie
With loads of double cream, oh my