July 21 Limericks

My cat is curled up next to me
As happy as felines can be
Till there’s a rustle
Twitch of a muscle
Oh there goes my nice Christmas tree!

The mince pies are calling again

The mince pies are calling again
I try to resist them, in vain,

The mince pies are calling again
I try to resist them, in vain
Oh go on, just one

The mince pies are calling again
I try to resist them, in vain
Oh go on, just one
It’s less than a bun

The mince pies are calling again
I try to resist them, in vain
Oh go on, just one
It’s less than a bun
And Santa's bringing me a crane!

Secret Santas can be funny

Secret Santas can be funny
But I'd rather have the money

Secret Santas can be funny
But I'd rather have the money
No, toys are more fun

Secret Santas can be funny
But I'd rather have the money
No, toys are more fun
From board games I run

Secret Santas can be funny
But I'd rather have the money
No, toys are more fun
From board games I run
The prize - a big pot of honey

I'll finish my Christmas shopping

I'll finish my Christmas shopping
‘Cos I feel as though I’m dropping

I'll finish my Christmas shopping
'Cos I feel as though I'm dropping
My purse now is light

I'll finish my Christmas shopping
'Cos I feel as though I'm dropping
My purse now is light
Though I’m usually ‘tight’

I'll finish my Christmas shopping
'Cos I feel as though I'm dropping
My purse now is light
Though I’m usually ‘tight’
And onto the sofa I'm flopping

When the in-laws have had too much sherry

When the in-laws have had too much sherry
They get a bit overly "merry."

When the in-laws have had too much sherry
They get a bit overly "merry."
But then fall asleep

When the in-laws have had too much sherry
They get a bit overly "merry."
But then fall asleep
Counting some sheep

When the in-laws have had too much sherry
They get a bit overly "merry."
But then fall asleep
Counting some sheep
As they're boarding the Isle of Man ferry

As the turkey's not had time to thaw

As the turkey's not had time to thaw
I put it in a hot bath for

As the turkey's not had time to thaw
I put it in a hot bath for
Half an hour or so

As the turkey's not had time to thaw
I put it in a hot bath for
Half an hour or so
And it's ready to go

As the turkey's not had time to thaw
I put it in a hot bath for
Half an hour or so
And it's ready to go
It’s so delicious I want more.

The Milk Tray box is now wide open

The Milk Tray box is now wide open
The kids have stuck their fingers in

The Milk Tray box is now wide open
The kids have stuck their fingers in
My favourites - missing