July 21 Limericks

There's nothing as dumb as a goose
Never let it get loose

There's nothing as dumb as a goose
Never let it get loose
Mine attacked the cat

There's nothing as dumb as a goose
Never let it get loose
Mine attacked the cat
Got killed by a rat

There's nothing as dumb as a goose
Never let it get loose
Mine attacked the cat
Got killed by a rat
A big rat the size of a moose

I don't trust scientists these days

I don't trust scientists these days
They have such peculiar ways

I don't trust scientists these days
They have such peculiar ways
One day, something’s true

I don't trust scientists these days
They have such peculiar ways
One day, something’s true,
Then, right out the blue.

I don't trust scientists these days
They have such peculiar ways
One day, something’s true,
Then, right out the blue.
You find they’re having to appraise.

My poinsettia’s still alive !

My poinsettia’s still alive !
It looks like it might even thrive

My poinsettia’s still alive !
It looks like it might even thrive
I have such green fingers

My poinsettia’s still alive !
It looks like it might even thrive
I have such green fingers
The flower lingers

My poinsettia’s still alive !
It looks like it might even thrive
I have such green fingers
The flower lingers
Let's see if it's here after five.

At weed cultivation I'm great

At weed cultivation I'm great
They grow at a fantastic rate.

At weed cultivation I'm great
They grow at a fantastic rate
With daisies galore

At weed cultivation I'm great
They grow at a fantastic rate
With daisies galore
Bindweed round the door

At weed cultivation I'm great
They grow at a fantastic rate
With daisies galore
Bindweed round the door
And brambles festooning the gate.

My pond looks dreadfully murky

My pond looks dreadfully murky
But the heron still looks perky

My pond looks dreadfully murky
But the heron still looks perky
He’s stealing my koi

My pond looks dreadfully murky
But the heron still looks perky
He’s stealing my koi
He’s found a new ploy

My pond looks dreadfully murky
But the heron still looks perky
He's stealing my koi
He's found a new ploy
He disguises himself like a turkey!

The art of disguise is clever

The art of disguise is clever
To be found out NEVER!

The art of disguise is clever
To be found out NEVER!
But alas, my pet lion

altered slightly to keep to the 88558 rhythm

The art of disguise is clever
The plan’s to be found out never
But my pet lion
Seems to be high on

The art of disguise is clever
The plan’s to be found out never
But my pet lion
Seems to be high on
Whisky that’s scented with heather.

My dog is asleep in the sun

My dog is asleep in the sun
There’s no way he’ll go for a run