Lame Limericks (but they are funny anyway)

A little mouse is in my trap,
Can you believe this, he does yap!
He talks of green cheese
He’s so hard to please

A little mouse is in my trap,
Can you believe this, he does yap!
He talks of green cheese
He’s so hard to please
I’m quite fond of the little chap

There’s still no rain the South East

A little mouse is in my trap
Can you believe this, he does yap!
He talks of green cheese
And he loves to tease

There's still no rain in the south east,
It's always famine or a feast

A little mouse is in my trap
Can you believe this, he does yap!
He talks of green cheese
And he loves to tease
He really thinks we will all clap!

There's still no rain in the south east,
It's always famine or a feast

There's still no rain in the south east,
It's always famine or a feast
I know what I’d choose

There's still no rain in the south east,
It's always famine or a feast
I know what I’d choose
Nothing left to loose

There's still no rain in the south east,
It's always famine or a feast
I know what I’d choose
Nothing left to loose
We’re happy and healthy at least

I dreamed of Adonis last night

I dreamed of Adonis last night
My fantasies really took flight

I dreamed of Adonis last night
My fantasies really took flight
Was a shame to wake

I dreamed of Adonis last night
My fantasies really took flight
Was a shame to wake
And breakfast to make

I dreamed of Adonis last night
My fantasies really took flight
Was a shame to wake
And breakfast to make
It faded away with daylight

It's never stopped raining today

It’s never stopped raining today
The sunshine just melted away

It’s never stopped raining today
The sunshine just melted away
No picnics outside

It’s never stopped raining today
The sunshine just melted away
No picnics outside
No cycling ride

It’s never stopped raining today
The sunshine just melted away
No picnics outside
No cycling ride
I think that indoors I shall stay

A grasshopper learned how to jump

A grasshopper learned how to jump
Practiced over a huge lump

A grasshopper learned how to jump
Practiced over a huge lump
Which hid a puddle

A grasshopper learned how to jump
Practiced over a huge lump
Which hid a puddle
Give him a cuddle

A grasshopper learned how to jump
Practiced over a huge lump
Which hid a puddle
Give him a cuddle
Dry him off quickly or he’ll slump.

That Saharan sand on my car

That Saharan sand on my car
Rather have it covered with tar

That Saharan sand on my car
Rather have it covered with tar
The scratches are dire

That Saharan sand on my car
Rather have it covered with tar
The scratches are dire
Poor neighbour Mair

That Saharan sand on my car
Rather have it covered with far
The scratches are dire
Poor neighbour Mair
Can't stand it. I'm off to the bar!

My favourite tipple's red wine

Tee hee!