Lame Limericks (but they are funny anyway)

I think he should learn how to cook
From Delia Smith's lovely book

I think he should learn how to cook
He just needs a recipe book

I think he should learn how to cook
From Delia Smith's lovely book
The egg on the front

I think he should learn how to cook
From Delia Smith's lovely book
The egg on the front
Was one from the runt

I think he should learn how to cook
From Delia Smith's lovely book
The egg on the front
Was one from the runt
That the other hens sadly forsook

There’s no glimmer of sun in the sky

There’s no glimmer of sun in the sky
So I'll stay indoors and eat pie

There's no glimmer of sun in the sky
So I'll stay indoors and eat pie
The dog needs a walk

There's no glimmer of sun in the sky
So I'll stay indoors and eat pie
The dog needs a walk
Let's head off to York

There's no glimmer of sun in the sky
So I'll stay indoors and eat pie
The dog needs a walk
Let's head off to York
Off to the Shambles now, bye bye

Storms used to be given girls' names

Storms used to given girl's names
They all thought the storms would be dames

Storms used to given girl's names
They all thought the storms would be dames
They're unpredictable

Storms used to given girl's names
They all thought the storms would be dames
They're unpredictable
And irresistible

Storms used to given girl's names
They all thought the storms would be dames
They're unpredictable
And irresistible
And like to play puzzling games

Do not try to pet a wild bear

Do not try to pet a wild bear
Or dare to pull it by the hair

Do not try to pet a wild bear
Or dare to pull it by the hair,
It's claws are too long

Do not try to pet a wild bear
Or dare to pull it by the hair,
It's claws are too long
Besides which it’s wrong

Do not try to pet a wild bear
Or dare to pull it by the hair,
It's claws are too long
Besides which it’s wrong
And you'll be dragged off to its lair.

Our bonfire party's been rained off

Do not try to pet a wild bear
Or dare to pull it by the hair
It's claws are too long
Beside which it's wrong
What people would do! I despair.

Tigers are best seen in the wild

Tigers are best seen in the wild
And not here, they might eat a child,

Tigers are best seen in the wild
And not here, they might eat a child,
They're endangered, I fear

Tigers are best seen in the wild
And not here, they might eat a child,
They're endangered, I fear
Teasing will cost you dear

Tigers are best seen in the wild
And not here, they might eat a child,
They're endangered, I fear
Teasing will cost you dear
If only their sharp teeth were filed

David Attenborough knows apes rather well

David Attenborough knows apes rather well
And some royals too I heard tell

David Attenborough knows apes rather well
And some royals too I heard tell
His favourite, the Queen

David Attenborough knows apes rather well
And some royals too I heard tell
His favourite, the Queen
Would dress in moss green