Lame Limericks (but they are funny anyway)

George Clooney would make me secure
But my intentions are not pure!
Try to waylay him
Then make the lights dim
Is it him or a burglar? Not sure!

For a guy who is now 62,

For a guy who is now 62
He scrubs up quite well, what think you?

For a guy who is now 62
He scrubs up quite well, what think you?
He’s not quite my type

For a guy who is 62
He scrubs up quite well, what think you?
He’s not quite my type
Methinks too much hype

For a guy who is 62
He scrubs up quite well, what think you?
He's not quite my type
Methinks too much hype
But nevertheless he would do.

He's certainly got lots of money

He's certainly got lots of money
But that doesn't rock my world, sonny

He's certainly got lots of money
But that doesn't rock my world, sonny.
Witty and caring

He's certainly got lots of money
But that doesn't rock my world, sonny.
Witty and caring
Brave and daring

He's certainly got lots of money
But that doesn't rock my world sonny.
Witty and caring
Brave and daring
And certainly not a dummy.

If only I was young once again

If only I was young once again
I'd show them all in Dragon's Den

If only I was young once again
I'd show them all in Dragon's Den
My latest invention

If only I was young once again
I'd show them all in Dragon's Den
My latest invention
To relieve tension

If only I was young once again
I'd show them all in Dragon's Den
My latest invention
To relieve tension
Is something not thought of by men!

My husband thinks he's a bright spark

My husband thinks he's a bright spark
And I've seen him down at the park

My husband thinks he's a bright spark
And I've seen him down at the park
He fell off the slide

My husband thinks he's a bright spark
And I've seen him down at the park.
He fell of the slide
Landed on his backside

My husband thinks he's a bright spark
And I've seen him down at the park.
He fell off the slide
Landed on his backside
At his age it was quite a lark.

The children couldn't stop laughing

The children couldn't stop laughing
But to help him caused so much faffing

The children couldn't stop laughing
But to help him caused so much faffing
He tried out the swing

The children couldn't stop laughing
But to help him caused so much faffing
He tried out the swing
Which was not a good thing

The children couldn't stop laughing
But to help him caused so much faffing
He tried out the swing
Which was not a good thing
It's still a joke that is cracking

He really needs a new hobby

He really needs a new hobby
Something that isn't too snobby

He really needs a new hobby
Something that isn't too snobby
Out from under my feet

He really needs a new hobby
Something that isn't too snobby
Out from under my feet
Or my temper he'll meet

He really needs a new hobby
Something that isn't too snobby
Out from under my feet
Or my temper he'll meet
Then he'll be ringing the Bobby

I think he should learn how to cook