Lame Limericks (but they are funny anyway) (

Once while wild swimming in a lake
I was kidnapped and tied to a stake

Once while wild swimming in a lake
I was kidnapped and tied to a stake
Good grief! Did you drown?

Once while wild swimming in a lake
I was kidnapped and tied to a stake
Good grief! Did you drown?
No, just felt such a clown

Once while wild swimming in a lake
I was kidnapped and tied to a stake
Good grief! Did you drown?
No, just felt such a clown
The cops thought my tale was a fake

A photographer came from the Mail

A photographer came from the Mail
You’ll need some make-up, you look pale

A photographer came from the Mail
You’ll need some make-up, you look pale
Well! ..what I’ve been through

A photographer came from the Mail
You’ll need some make-up, you look pale
Well! ..what I’ve been through
You need a quick brew

A photographer came from the Mail
You’ll need some make-up, you look pale
Well! ..what I’ve been through
You need a quick brew
And a jolly good rest without fail

My invite has come for the ball

My invite has come for the ball
From his lordship up at the hall

My invite has come for the ball
From his lordship up at the hall
Don't know what to wear

My invite has come for the ball
From his lordship up at the hall
Don't know what to wear
And what about hair?

My invite has come for the ball
From his lordship up at the hall
Don't know what to wear
And what about hair?
I somehow don’t think I’ll enthral

I chose a new puppy last week

I chose a new puppy last week
He's gorgeous, except for the leak

I chose a new puppy last week
He's gorgeous, except for the leak
I've bought a new mop

I chose a new puppy last week
He's gorgeous, except for the leak
I've bought a new mop
Hope the leaking will stop

I chose a new puppy last week
He's gorgeous, except for the leak
I've bought a new mop
Hope the leaking will stop
When I scold him he does look so meek

I take him for walks in the park

I take him for walks in the park
But it seems each tree he must mark

I take him for walks in the park
But it seems each tree he must mark
He stops now and then for a poo

take him for walks in the park
But it seems each tree he must mark
He stops now and then for a poo
And stops to play, too

I take him for walks in the park
But it seems each tree he must mark
He stops for a poo
And stops to play, too
But sadly he’s scared in the dark

A cuddle is what he adores

A cuddle is what he adores
He curls up on my lap and snores

A cuddle is what he adores
He curls up on my lap and snores
He leaves hair on the chair

A cuddle is what he adores
He curls up on my lap and snores
He leaves hair on the chair
But I really dont care

A cuddle is what he adores
He curls up on my lap and snores
He leaves hair on the chair
But I really dont care
E’en though it increases my chores

The cat next door, he runs a mile

The cat next door, he runs a mile
He knows that mine is full of guile