Limericks 18, Rides again

For now, I'm just prim and proper
Well, that might just be a whopper
I caught you today
And crime doesn't pay
You didn't know that I am a copper!

Here comes the grouchy old judge

Here comes the grouchy old judge
Chewing on his vanilla fudge,

Here comes the grouchy old judge
Chewing on his vanilla fudge
He has a sweet tooth

Here comes the grouchy old judge
Chewing on his vanilla fudge
He has a sweet tooth
Always has, since his youth

Here comes the grouchy old judge
Chewing on his vanilla fudge
He has a sweet tooth
Always has, since his youth
He's firm on the Law, he won't budge.

He'll retire soon and have some fun

He'll retire soon and have some fun,
In America he'll buy a gun,

He'll retire soon and have some fun
In America he'll buy a gun
He'll eat fudge and shoot

He'll retire soon and have some fun
In America he'll buy a gun
He'll eat fudge and shoot
And lose his one tooth

He'll retire soon and have some fun
In America he'll buy a gun
He'll eat fudge and shoot
And lose his one tooth
Make up for prim youth and then some!

I've heard he's found a new young wife

I've heard he's found a new young wife
He sacked the trouble and strife,

I've heard he's found a new young wife
He sacked the trouble and strife,
So far she’s all sweetness

I've heard he's found a new young wife
He sacked the trouble and strife,
So far she's all sweetness
Doesn't do neatness

I've heard he's found a new young wife
He sacked the trouble and strife,
So far she's all sweetness
Doesn't do neatness
And Judgy says, "This is the life!"

My newest cell phone's truly scary

My newest cell phone's truly scary
It makes strange sounds, so I’m wary

My newest cell phone's truly scary
It makes strange sounds, so I’m wary
It click or it pings

My newest cell phone's truly scary
It makes strange sounds, so I’m wary
It clicks or it pings
‘Take me home’ it sings 🎶

My newest cell phone's truly scary
It makes strange sounds, so I'm wary
It clicks or it pings
'Take me home' it sings
Says 'I want to be called Mary.'

It has a strong will of its own

It has a strong will of its own
Like a dog chewing on a bone,

It has a strong will of its own
Like a dog chewing on a bone,
I must follow its rules

It has a strong will of its own
Like a dog chewing on a bone
I must follow its rules
It thinks humans fools

It has a strong will of its own
Like a dog chewing on a bone
I must follow its rules
It thinks humans fools
But oh how its usage has grown.

So many things now are on line

So many things now are on line
Which many of us think is fine,

So many things now are on line
Which many of us think is fine,
The problem is this

Do you prefer coffee or tea?
It depends if it's offered for free.
I'm a neurotic scrounger,
a fat idle lounger -
whose only concern is for 'me'.

My ego's the size of the moon