New Limerick Thread II 2016 (following New Limerick Thread)

If only those stories were real
Those aristos were the real deal
I'd be that house maid
Even if underpaid
If I could their secrets reveal

This heatwave is getting to me

This heatwave is getting to me
It's already one hundred and three

This heatwave is getting to me
It's already one hundred and three
Stripped down to my bra

If only those stories were real
Those aristos were the real deal
I’d be that house-maid
Even if underpaid
Who ended up with Lord Neil

He was older and really not bright

He was older and really not bright
He wooed with songs through the night

He wooed us with songs through the night
(sorry)

He was older and really not bright
He wooed us with songs through the night
But we needed sleep

(This one got cut off in mid-limerick.)

This heatwave is getting to me
It's already one hundred and three
Stripped down to my bra
I need a cool spa

Here we go, action on both.

This heatwave is getting to me
It's already one hundred and three
Stripped down to my bra
I need a cool spa
And shade under a loved oak tree

He was older and really not bright
He wooed us with songs through the night
But we needed sleep
We had to count sheep

He was older and really not bright
He wooed us with songs through the night
But we needed sleep
We had to count sheep
So we gave up without a fight

Next morning there was a cool breeze

Next morning there was a cool breeze
I did rather hope he would freeze

Next morning there was a cold breeze
I did rather hope he would freeze
He shivered and shook

Next morning there was a cold breeze
I did rather hope he would freeze
He shivered and shook
And promoted his book

Next morning there was a cool breeze
I did rather hope he would freeze
He shivered and shook
And promoted his book
And fell asleep under the trees

A young girl just happened to pass

A young girl just happened to pass
He said she’s certainly my class

A young girl just happened to pass
He said she’s certainly my class
I went to warn her

A young girl just happened to pass
He said she’s certainly my class
I went to warn her
Told her he’d bore her

A young girl just happened to pass
He said she's certainly my class
I went to warn her
Told her he'd bore her
It would only end in a farce

She gave me a look of distain

She gave me a look of distain
She'd known she had nothing to gain

She gave me a look of disdain
She’d known she had nothing to gain
A gold digger, true

She gave me a look of disdain
She’d known she had nothing to gain
A gold digger, true
Her make-up a clue

She gave me a look of disdain
She’d known she had nothing to gain
A gold digger, true
Her make-up a clue
This limerick is hard to explain

Of course our affair ended badly

Of course our affair ended badly
We each went our own way so sadly

Of course our affair ended badly
We each went our own way so sadly
We both had regrets

Of course our affair ended badly
We each went our own way so sadly
We both had regrets
Went home to our pets