New Limerick Thread II 2016 (following New Limerick Thread)

At household repairs I’m inept
So a handy man I have kept
Looks after his tools,
Doesn't tolerate fools
Well... you'd all want one I expect.

He's willing to sleep in the shed

He's willing to sleep in the shed
His man cave complete with a bed

He's willing to sleep in the shed
His man cave complete with a bed
He does as he's told

He's willing to sleep in the shed
His man cave complete with a bed
He does as he's told
Now, shall I be bold

He’s willing to sleep in the shed
His man cave complete with a bed
He does as he’s told
Now, shall I be bold
And allow myself to be led…

A gamekeeper once fancied me

A gamekeeper once fancied me
He thought I was his cup of tea

A gamekeeper once fancied me
He thought I was his cup of tea
But he wouldn't bathe, alas

A gamekeeper once fancied me
He thought I was his cup of tea
But he wouldn't bathe, alas
No scent of fresh mown grass

A gamekeeper one fancied me
He thought I was his cup of tea
But he wouldn't bathe, alas
No scent of fresh mown grass
Just quite a strong smell of stale wee

(sorry for being disgusting and lowering the tone)

My friend Lady Anne was his boss

My friend Lady Anne was his boss
A woman who gave not a toss

My friend Lady Anne was his boss
A woman who gave not a toss
She loved him so well

My friend Lady Anne was his boss
A woman who gave not a toss
She loved him so well
She quite liked the smell

(continuing the low tone 😳)

My friend Lady Anne was his boss
A woman who gave not a toss
She loved him so well
She quite liked the smell
At least he didn't smell like his hoss.

(Poetic license with pronunciation)

Their story became a best seller

Their story became a best seller
A book one would hide in the cellar

Their story became a best seller
A book one would hide in the cellar
I read it at night

Their story became a best seller
A book one would hide in the cellar
I read it at night
Until it was light

Their story became a best seller
A book one would hide in the cellar
I read it at night
Until it was light
Gosh, I wish he was a real fella!

The folks who appear in our books

The folks who appear in our books
Thrill me more than those onscreen cooks

The folks who appear in our books
Thrill me more than those onscreen cooks
Sexy riders by dear Jilly Cooper

Those folks who appear in our books
Thrill me more than those onscreen cooks
'Riders' by Cooper
Sexy and super

Apologies to Elrel for re-writing to fit Limerick pattern.

Those folks who appear in our books
Thrill me more than those onscreen cooks
'Riders' by Cooper
Sexy and super
With plenty of charm and good looks

If only those stories were real!

If only those stories were real
Those aristos were the real deal

If only those stories were real
Those aristos were the real deal
I’d be that house-maid

If only those stories were real
Those aristos were the real deal
I’d be that house-maid
Even if underpaid