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Family heirlooms

(40 Posts)
BabsAnn Wed 02-Sep-15 11:49:29

My mother in law left me her wedding ring when she passed away. We had a good relationship and she called me the daughter she never had. So it's not only beautiful but I'm quite sentimental about it. Both my daughters have admired it and I'm wondering how I decide who I leave it to? It seems too special to let it out of the family.

I also have a very ugly chest that she left to me and I just haven't had the heart to get rid of. How do you emotionally separate yourself from this stuff?!

Anniebach Wed 02-Sep-15 13:24:44

I have two daughters and two granddaughters , one wedding band

I also have my maternal grandmothers wedding band but this troubles me, my granny died giving birth to my mother , when my mother wore it she badly scalded her arm and hand , the ring had to be cut off , I have never worn it. Only thing I can think of is to have it buried with me

jinglbellsfrocks Wed 02-Sep-15 13:28:43

shock Don't do that Anniebach! You never know where you might end up.

BabsAnn why not leave it to your firstborn? Daughter or son.

Greyduster Wed 02-Sep-15 13:38:33

My mother's few items of jewelry went to my two older sisters, and it never occurred to them to ask if I would like anything. The only things I have of my mother's are a brown Denby coffee pot which I am very attached to, and a small oval table with barley sugar twist legs, which I am not, particularly, but I know my mother liked it so I keep it in the dining room even though it doesn't fit in with anything else we have. It has never attracted any kind of comment from anyone until the other day when my friend came to lunch and said how much she liked it. To answer your question, I wish I knew how you separate yourself from even such mundane things emotionally. I can't think that my own children will want to do anything but put them both in a skip.

Anniebach Wed 02-Sep-15 13:45:32

I am giving my wedding band to my younger granddaughter , granny's ring will go to Jingle

BabsAnn Wed 02-Sep-15 13:58:16

Oh dear! Anniebach, I'm not superstitious but even I would be wary of that ring.

Personally I'm not keen on the first born gets first choice thing (maybe because I was the middle child and still hold a grudge because of hand me downs!)

rosequartz Wed 02-Sep-15 13:59:31

anniebach grin

But what if you outlive Jingle?

DD1 has her DGM's wedding ring and engagement ring; DGGM's rings are waiting for DD2 when she is more settled.
As for mine - to the oldest, I suppose.

kittylester Wed 02-Sep-15 14:28:04

I said on another thread that I have 3 nice rings and 3 daughters so why do they all want the same one?

I've also said before that Mum's engagement ring isn't a problem as she is leaving it to my brother's ex-fiance. He's been married for 26 years! In doing this Mum is bypassing one daughter, 2 DiL, 4 granddaughters, a grand daughter in law and 4 great granddaughters! Only my Mum could do that! grin

ninathenana Wed 02-Sep-15 17:05:15

DF's wedding ring was stolen in a burglary it was in a jewellery box with my other jewels grin he took the box too. The loss of the ring and the box (first ever present from DH) were the only things that upset me. Ring would have gone to DS.
Mum's rings and mine will go to DD.

J52 Wed 02-Sep-15 20:03:17

Being the only girl in one branch of the family, I inherited a variety of gold wedding rings. Most from ancestors I did not know. I thought they would melt down to make wedding rings for DILs. White gold and platinum were preferred, so I sold them to buy gold bracelets for DGDs.


Anniebach Wed 02-Sep-15 20:08:55

rosequartz, have it buried with her?

Coolgran65 Wed 02-Sep-15 21:06:44

Digressing just slightly.... I have a son and 3 dss. All married. My ds has 1 ds. I also have 3 dsgc, including one dsgd who is my heart's delight.
What to do with my jewellery, I've no idea.

However, I did have my 'first' diamond and sapphire gagement ring which was extremely beautiful. My first marriage lasted 22 years. I recently sold some unwanted/broken gold items. The diamond/sapphire ring was of no real interest apart from the gold content and I refused the offer. I know that my dearest friend of 40 years who was with me has always loved it. I could never wear it regularly because of it's connection to unhappy times. So I am quietly wondering if my df would be offended if I gave it to her. I am driving home and df said to me..... how would you feel about selling me your ring. I took it off and reached it to her, please have it with my love (she has always been there for me). She seriously wanted to give me something for it.....which I definitely didn't want. My Df accepted the ring, but came back on the subject of it's value and would like to buy it. She was aware of its jewellers certification value for insurance. I said to keep her happy I'd accept a trade of £30. The pleasure I felt from giving my df this ring, and her joy, far outweighed it's considerable monetary value. My Df is one whom I could ring at 3am if I needed to.

I have a thought of perhaps passing on such items while I'm able to do so.

I have already given a piece to my dsdil to keep for my dsgd.

rosequartz Thu 03-Sep-15 15:02:44

rosequartz, have it buried with her?

grin does she know?

Anniebach Thu 03-Sep-15 15:30:50

No rosequartz , but it's a solution isn't it, we can look on it as a British equivalent to King Tute

rosequartz Thu 03-Sep-15 15:41:38


Will there be a replica at Downton Abbey Highclere Castle?

Anniebach Thu 03-Sep-15 15:54:54

Not if jingle is a socialist !

rosequartz Thu 03-Sep-15 18:34:09

Haunting the galleries perhaps! wink

Anniebach Sat 05-Sep-15 12:09:19

I am sure she will be rosequartz

TerriBull Sat 05-Sep-15 13:38:33

My late mother in law had some expensive diamond rings and other jewellery, which she left to her daughter, my sister in law, who really doesn't like jewellery at all, she might wear silver bits and pieces from somewhere like India, ditto her daughter, so I guess these rocks are languishing in their box somewhere. MIL also had a number of mink coats, which again caused ructions and disapproval from the younger female members of the family, particularly my step daughter, a vegetarian and animal lover who would complain to her grandmother about the animals killed to make her coats to which she would reply "they've been dead a long time darling". When she died there weren't any takers in the family for the fur coats and my husband took them along to some furriers in London, not a lot around these days, who apparently unpick them, re fashion them and sell them on to countries that don't have qualms about wearing animal skins. We did keep her lovely hand made evening dresses, 60s style with lots of beading and the like great vintage stuff in nothing else!

Stansgran Sat 05-Sep-15 18:02:54

I've already started to pass on my jewellery . It looks much better on the young. Also saved me thinking about what to buy for birthdays. And they pay for the insurance. All round winner.

rosequartz Sat 05-Sep-15 18:38:22

I don't have a lot of expensive stuff.

That's why I still like collecting/being given it!

Wendysue Fri 06-Nov-15 02:09:18

I don't have a lot of expensive stuff either. I'm going to pass my wedding ring onto my oldest GD (a family tradition) when the time is right, but I also intend to select other cherished items to give to my other GC and, of course, my DDs and DS. I don't want anyone to feel as if I favored one over the others.

Grandma2213 Fri 06-Nov-15 02:41:36

I never had an engagement ring and my ex took my (very cheap) wedding ring when he left. However my Aunty gave me my grandmother's engagement and wedding rings when visiting my Mam just before she died. I never knew my grandmother as she died when my mother was very young, but the engagement ring is engraved with her name. It is very old fashioned but I love it as I have never been given anything like that before. I wear both rings for special occasions, including my mother's and Aunt's funerals.

I have one DGS and 4 DGDs so what do I do? Two DGDs have fairly well off other Grandparents and the other two are less well off but have a very difficult mother.

The rings are all I have to leave and I would like to keep them in the family. I am hoping that I last long enough to see which one would appreciate them more.

granjura Fri 06-Nov-15 09:25:25

Fortunately, our 2 daughters have already split the magnificent jewellery left to me by my mother that came from her mother. Some I still have, some has already been given. Glad that is sorted.

M0nica Fri 06-Nov-15 10:27:48

My mother and her sister died within a few months of each other. Neither of them made any advance plans over who should have what after they died.
My sister and I agreed amicably who should have what based on factors like the fact that I was very close to my aunt, who was my godmother and what we wold sell.

I think, if you can be sure your children will not fall out over it, it is easier to let them decide who should have what after one has died.

DMiL died when DC were in early/mid teens and this was their first experience of seeing a home dismantled and its contents redistributed. They told me, years later, that one day the two of them walked round our house deciding what things of ours each of them would lke to keep. I gathered it included a bit of amicable bartering 'If you have that, I want that'. So when we die we are leaving them to sort it out for themselves.