Transition into motherhood

And Nell too... ?

Nell
I think, thankfully it’s a different world now.
I feel very sad for my eighteen year old self, even though, I’d made some pretty stupid choices to get there.
It’s all a long time ago, but I remember it as if it were yesterday

Sadly, some things are much the same.
My daughter thought I was bonkers offering to pay for an independent midwife for her first baby....
When her second baby was due, she had an independent midwife.

Such sad stories on here, I'm sorry for everyone who lost a baby and for those who had such bad experiences.
I was not really very maternal, my birth experiences were not too bad in the grand scheme of things. I was disappointed when I had to turn down the offer of a Ward Sister's post as in those days you had to work full time in that role. I would have preferred to work full time rather than do child care but it was not possible. I love my children but if I was starting out now I would make different choices.

I barely broke my stride, getting pregnant was easy, easy pregnancy and birth. Home the next day with care from GP and midwife. The whole thing was a doddle. I never gave up work and my husband and I shared everything, back to work when he was 10 weeks old and tbh nothing changed. Same scenario 8 years later with baby number 2. I found the whole thing easy and rewarding.

I am so very sorry to hear of the lost of your baby daughter downtoearth .

My first daughter was born in a cottage hospital. My husband was in the police force, my GP was concerned I would be alone in the police flat when my husband was working nights at the time the Welsh Nationalists were trying to blow up dams. So it was arranged my husband would drop me off at the hospital when he started work and pick me up in the mornings. She was born early , at night , my husband didn’t know, she arrived in 40 minutes so thank heaven I was in the hospital. The sister phoned the station who put out a call, my
husband drove back from the lake and I was kept in the Labour room so he could come in the night to see her. I had to
wait over an hour so just me and the beautiful baby, I still remember how strong was the love I had for her,

Some sad stories here. Here's a happier one. I was desperate for my first baby and delighted when I became pregnant. I gave birth in hospital on my own, no fathers or 'birth partners' allowed. Labour and birth was much harder and more painful than I expected - no NCT or pre-natal classes in those days - and I remember being handed my baby on the delivery table and told a doctor would be along to stitch me up soon. I lay there for a long time entirely on my own just looking at my lovely baby lying quietly beside me - I can still see his little face and wide eyes looking around - but feeling the blood seeping from me into a puddle. Eventually I was stitched up and my little son taken to the nursery where all the babies stayed, night and day, except for feeding when they were brought to their mothers. We stayed in hospital for 10 days (everyone did), mostly in bed although the physios came round for post natal exercises once a day. The food was fine and we new mums as well as the nurses watched Wimbledon in the afternoons. Fathers were allowed to visit in the evenings for a short time. It was a shock to go home and find I had to do everything for myself but we lived on an estate of young couples, made friends and learned as we went along. I loved (still do!) my son but vowed I would never go through the experience again, it had been so painful, and it was nine years before I became pregnant again, this time with a little daughter. Of course, second time around it was much easier.

Thank you for sharing your story, sorry it's been a while. I feel so sad about some of these stories.

Do you remember the midwives?

Yes I vividly remember the community midwife who I saw at the clinic for months, and then who visited me at home before and after the birth of my first child in early 80s. I gave birth in a maternity unit, and my midwife there was wonderful. Second child was born 100 miles away from that little unit in a big hospital, but my midwife there was equally lovely, and saw me through the final few hours.
I returned to work after a couple of months with both, and breast fed both for ten months. It was hard work, but I was lucky enough to have wonderfully supportive colleagues.
So yes helen63 I remember the names of all 3 of my midwives and the GP who saw me through my pregnancies and deliveries safely - all women. I never saw an obstetrician, except to sign the 2 of us off when we left the unit and hospital.

Not a good experience - long labour, badly stitched which became infected and then post natal depression. 2nd baby (born 3 years later) was normal and I physically and mentally recovered very well which was wonderful as I was so scared that things might repeat 2nd time around. Then I got meningococcal septicaemia when she was 12 weeks old. Fortunately both babies were very good. Didn't go for the 3rd though even though I love both of them to bits!

I was at the ripe old age of 29 for my first foray into childbirth when the average age was 21. Birth seemed straightforward enough but I started to go downhill afterwards. Foolishly I put my deterioration down to my age (hard to believe nowadays) as I watched the younger Mothers bounce back. As it turned out I had been subjected to a medical error immediately after delivery. Such awful consequences........ Took me five years to work up the courage to try for son No 2. I've tried, with little success, to look kindly on the NHS but, it hasn't been my only disappointment at their hands unfortunately. There y'go.

Nell G ,
My heart goes out to you and others in that situation. I can only imagine how dreadful the situation was for you. Never feel guilty for ' not giving him a better start in life' you did an amazing job in impossible circumstances!!! Trailing the streets after having to leave your accomodation after breakfast does'nt bear thinking about. I am thinking of everyone on this thread who have had the most traumatic introduction to motherhood. For me a difficult
and prolonged labour with baby one,
followed by two straight forward deliveries. Stayed at home till youngest went to school - loved it !! Part time work after that. I recognize how fortunate I was.