Finding being a long distance nanny so painful

Feeling completely and unreasonably pissed off at having grandchildren and family living so far away.
Just one of those shit days.

it does help you to know one isn't alone with the long distance GParenting!
True about NZ time difference being a pain-it's either early morning or late at night.
Postivepam I totally agree that when you do see the family you eventually have to say goodbye and it's painful all over again. And Granjura my son has been asking me to go over to NZ and I've always made an excuse as I really don't like long distance travel and can't cope with jetlag etc (or rather I don't want to cope with it). His inlaws have done the journey twice and say it was a complete nightmare and that they felt ill all the time they were there-which put me off even more.
Anyway the point is that I don't think children should expect their parents to do these kind of journeys if they don't want to-after all they are the ones who chose to live so far away and absent themselves from their families so they should be the ones to have the discomfort if they want to see them!
I have been on the other side of this situation when I too lived on the other side of the world for 4 years when my children were young. I certainly didn't expect my family to make the journey(although they did once)
The ironic thing is that before email etc I wrote weekly to my parents while I was there- and often to my family and friends, whereas I'm lucky to hear from my son once a month and he has all the modern resources!

A couple of years ago we house/apartment/car swapped in the US with the couple who lived above our son and his family's apartment. By the time the swap actually happened, our son had just moved into their new home. We stayed with the swap, as it was easier all round. Our son was, by then, living just 5 mins. drive away. Much fun had by all. Our grandson adored the big green truck we used, and we had the use of a shore house for a long weekend. It cost us the flight of the tickets and groceries.
Last year, they all came over for our other son's wedding.
This year we can't afford to visit, nor they us. That's ok. We have skype. I know we'll visit next year.
I don't know what it's like to have grandchildren within the same country, so I have no other experiences of it being otherwise.
It is as it is. Sometimes hard, sometimes ok, sometimes full of unexpected pleasure. I take the best I can from it and get on with life.

speldnan I think it's a great idea to send letters, photos etc to your DGD. She's a bit young at 20 months perhaps, but your daughter can keep them for her. As they get older children love looking back at the same things.
My DGD is 3 and lives in Virginia, much easier in many ways than NZ I admit, but I have sent her a few little letters on Peter Rabbit notelets.
When we were there at Christmas I asked my DiL to set up an email account for DGD so I could send her photos etc. DiL declined this idea but said that what DGD really loved was getting things through the post. I know they have kept the things I've sent.
We have been through phases where the DGCs haven't wanted to come on Skype and that's a bit sad, but now my DGD will happily chat to us.
I think we just have to be grateful for what we have

Spiral has just finished so browsing through the last posts. Yes granjura Switzerland is interesting to visit on holiday but as DD lives dead centre of Geneva if I go it is to help out with the children. The DD and SIL live for their skiing and sailing and our role is to visit when one or both parents are on business abroad ie outside Switzerland . I am cynical but looking after children and taking them to school and seeing to homework gym kit swim kit is the same if its Geneva or surbiton. If one child is poorly then it's not much use wanting to look at the jet deau or the floral clock or Mont Blanc . Four walls are four walls and a grocery delivery from the coop is pretty like one from tesco. Looking after the GC is not being on holiday . Flights from my area locally go in winter but not every day. In summer I fly from Leeds or go through Amsterdam or Heathrow or CDG. I don't mind paying as you say I can't take it with me but I have two DD and two other GC so it has to be fair. I have tried to combine visits with a little holiday for ourselves but usually I want a rest afterwards. Last year I picked the children up from nice but I did suggest to the other GPs that it would be better for me to collect them in Paris but they said there was not enough room in the car as they were transporting household goods back from the holiday. They are lovely people and like us want what is best for the children but it gets so complicated.but thank you for letting me let off steam.

Need adapted bathrooms and lifts not stairs

It depends how disabled you are- these older hotels mostly have stairs and non adapted bathrooms.

Might take you up on that. I'm disabled, what are facilities like?

Stansgran - not easy, is it? Why not ask your DD when it would be convenient to visit, maybe after the ski season, late April/May/June? If you do, get in touch and we could arrange to meet in Lausanne.

I agree that is is unfair to expect you to pick up children from other GPs and pay for the cost too- even if you can afford it. Although if you clearly can (afford it) - why not? You can't take it with you - agreed it is wrong to be expected to! Could other GPs bring them half way if there are some flight changes??

EasyJet flights to Switzerland are cheap if planned a bit ahead and outside school holidays. And if you are prepared to stay in simpler hotels, outside the resorts patroned by Brits and foreigners, can be amazingly cheap- and public transport brilliant, with weekly tickets bought in advance from the Swiss Tourism Office. I stayed with Greatnan in a wonderful old village in the Swiss Alps last year for about £20 a night B&B. Always happy to assist and advise.

Ooh did i put that message a bit confusingly? I talk everyday to DD for an hour, but only skype now and then and it is only now and then and DGD who is four rarely wants to talk and DGS is usually in bed, or at school cos if we skype it is their morning my night and we talk on the phone my morning their night. Sorry for any confusion caused.

I'd do it without children. Haven't been to Switzerland since I was about14

Me too, if I could afford it, and especially to see grandchildren. Why, I'd even take DD3 out of school to come with me.

Granjura I'd visit Switzerland at the drop of a hat!

It's interesting granjura that the young complain that the parents don't visit. I have been told to drop in to switzerland whenever I like. That's great but I need to plan ahead to get a flight to get a good rate. Direct flights only in winter an a whole day traveling there ditto back and they ski all winter. So when do I go? The Easter they go to the other GPs and in summer the other GPs also have them for a month. My DD andSIL want them to come for the rest of the summer to us which is great but will not bring them. To pick them up from the other GPs holiday home will cost nearly £1500 with two changes of plane and an overnight hotel stop! My DD says "I'm working"or "mum I've got a job" when i protest which indeed she has but one year when we had the GCs in the UK she came to visit a friend in the UK which we only found out by accident. I have a battle with my DH over the cost of easy jet flights as it is. We can afford it but he feels strongly that we should be offered the cost of my flight and the children's .

Hopefulnanny - have you visited them yet or intend to?

I am on a Forum for mainly young expats where I live, and many complain that their parents will not visit- saying it's too far, too expensive, too tiring- etc. and there is a lot of resentment that they (the children and grand-children) are expected to visit but that parents/grand-parents won't do so?

Gosh you are lucky to do all that skyping.

I so agree about the time difference in NZ especially this time of year. I have a DD and 2 DGC in Nz, they have been there nearly two years now. We talk every morning for an hour and skype now and then. It isn't the same as holding or cuddling them tho. They are all coming over to visit for a month next month but as happy and overjoyed as i am about it, i know i will have to say goodbye again and i know you will all understand how painful that will be and i don't know when we will see them again. I have also got to have a major back operation while they are here, which cannot be postponed. One of my DS lives in Germany with wife and DGD, but i see them more often because it is so much nearer. I encouraged all my children to be independant and to live their own lives and i sort of regret that slightly now because i miss them all so much. I also have a DS in China but no GC there yet. At least i have one DD near with two DGS.
I would just like to send my best wishes and thoughts to all GNers who have children and grandchildren living far from home.

The time difference to NZ is a pain isnt it speldnan. Now my GKds are in Perth it is a darn sight easier.
Of course they do not realise how much we miss them.
A tip to pass on - get a couple of hand puppets. Good for engaging with small kids on Skype.

We do try to Skype once a week and sometimes DGD age20/12 demands to talk to gragrey and makes dd. Skype me!I'm very touched and very lucky.

spoke to my son yesterday on skype, from NZ and saw my GD-first time for a month. She didn't know who I was but she's 20 months now and starting to talk so I would like to think that she will as she gets older. My son doesn't mean to shut me out but he is so caught up in his own life I don't think he realises how much I miss the contact with him and the family.
I have decided to be proactive though and this is what I am going to do.
So that the little girl knows that I have thought about her and cared about her in her first years of life I am going to send a card or a letter and photographs every month, addressed to her. They can be read to her while she is very young but one day she will be old enough to read them for herself and she will know that she has a grandmother who loves her.
I doubt it is the most original of ideas but I am hoping it will keep me in contact with my GD a bit more (and it may make my son realise also how much I need him to keep in contact)

i meant 6 weeks,,,,,,,i havent seen them,,,,

oh dear,,,,,all these bleeding hearts,,,well you all know how my daughter is treating me,,,,i havent seen my grandkids for 3 weeks now,,,i wonder what my d is telling them why dont they come, if my d doesnt want to see me she could at least drop the kids off for a while, i was good enough to baby sit at the drop of a hat and pick them up from school etc,,,,,,trouble is our children dont want us till they want something,,,,,,some kids are cruel,,,,,,i cry at night,,cry in the day,,, but it doesnt help,,,,so i have made up my mind ,,i look at their photo,s all over the house play the videos now and then of them,,and remember all the lovely times we have had together,,,,i am sitting back and hoping the door will go and its them, but god willing i hope i live long enough to tell the grandkids how their mother s treated me by not visiting more often,,,,,,,,my heart feels for you all,,,but seems that a lot of us grans and nannas are in the same boat,,,,,but dont worry try not to hurt too much,,,,,,im sure things will get better....hugs,

It is tough Stansgran , but if you can, try to remain positive and keep up the contact with emails and photos etc.
I find it helps not to have too high an expectation of constant communication. Time zones and busy lives play havoc with that.
It takes a lot of adjustment and time to find one's way with long-distance grand-parenting, so keep persevering if you can.

It's communication from the other lot that is vital. Wonderful to receive pictures and letters Butty but I send emails photos etc and hear nothing. I made an emergency dash four weeks ago and received a bunch of flowers the day before I left- the thought counts except they were dead and in the bin before I came back. Woul love to have had Skype time when I returned but absolutely nothing from them since I got back,no emails no Skype nothing and the children have been on half term. I'm assuming they have gone away skiing as I phoned but no answer. My husband says don't bother them they will bother us when they want us to look after the children in the summer but he can school himself to feel indifferent, I just can't .my daughter is permanently attached to her blackberry and ipad so I frequently get a feeling that she really doesn't like me. Possibly not the chic slim witty mother she would prefer