Please help! would you drive an hour to mind your grandchildren?

My DD used to drive 30 miles to me once a week for childcare and then get train rest of the way into work. Sometimes in bad weather / lates meetings they both stayed over. Never easy but say from the start you would like to do it, but on a trial basis and then review it.. giving plenty of time to find a nursery /child minder. Good luck

Off tomorrow to do another 75 miles. DD had pneumonia last week and SIL was away on business. Now baby has bronchiolitis and an ear infection - no wonder he has been poorly - and DD feels she needs to get into university as she has missed so much and SIL flying to Sweden so guess who is not doing an all day Study Day on the Renaissance but chugging up the M6. Good thing I had my headlight done today!!
So speldnan the answer is YES.

Oh dear, never say 'yes' in haste as it is so hard to back track. I would get up at 2 or 1, or anytime, drive to airport and jump on the next plane to look after my grand-children, any time, any day - IN AN EMERGENCY. With the greatest of pleasure. But no, I will not ever bring up and be the main carer on a daily basis - my daughters know that, and fully agree and would never ever ask- I am very glad to say. Bonne chance.

Hello there

On being absent for many years due to living overseas I now look after my 3 grandsons aged 15, 13 and 10. Due to the early start like many of you I sometimes stay over. I had a very unhappy childhood and longed for a lovely Granny. My goal is to fill my grandchildren with as many lovely memories as possible and if it means getting up at the crack of dawn I'll do it. To have my youngest declare Granny always listens to me, she helps me and I love her is worth every single moment spent on the road.

As a bonus I've made some lovely friends out walking and at the school gates.

The best of luck.

Obviously the distance is an issue, (my family are only 10 minutes away by car or 15 on foot) but I think it's worth giving it a trial. I looked after my grandson most days from the age of 6months until he started school - it just didn't seem right to leave him with strangers. I don't know if it made much difference to him but everyone comments on his self confidence, wide general knowledge and large vocabulary (just wish he'd use a bit less of that one)

I have my 3 grand children 3 times a week. I travel 20 miles it takes one hour because it is a very busy route. I love it. The bond I have with those children is priceless. I am very tired. I work two 13 hour shifts at busy hospital I would not give it up for anyone. So what if I am tired I get such pleasure so it's worth it to me.

I think it's very important that Speldnan doesn't feel guilty if she does try it and finds that she can't continue. I looked after my eldest grandson quite a lot when I was 55-59, but know for a fact that I wouldn't have been able to look after him feeling how I do now. It also means that I'm not spending the time with the younger one that I would have liked. Currently I'm struggling to walk very far and my right wrist is very weak; looking after a baby at this moment in time would be very difficult. I do treasure the time I spent with the older one and am so glad I did so [I only had a 40 minute journey]. I felt also that going to nursery had been very good for him, even though I'd been horrified at the thought before he was born. At that time my daughter asked me if I would give up work and she would pay me to look after him; I agreed because I didn't want her to be worried about going back to work, but she than said that she didn't want to feel responsible for me financially, and it has meant that I've got 5 more years of NI stamps and I can still work part time for the forseeable future. I'd say, give it a go but set a time limit for a reappraisal and, at that time be totally honest with yourself about how you feel.

Agree entirely with crimson. If my DGS lived near enough, we would be doing a lot of regular childcare and would be saving their parents a lot in time, worry and money. I wish we could. Our other commitments and the distance (3+ hour journey one way) mean we don't undertake a regular slot but we happily and willingly respond to emergencies, special occasions and to holidays. As a number of people have said, that's how you can develop a relationship with the GCs. But to go back to the OP, speldnan hasn't got the support of the rest of her family or her partner and is apprehensive about the journey. What we can do with and for our grandchildren is affected by so many factors, so many outside our control and I don't think anyone should feel pressured by what someone else is doing.

Also, if I know I've got to be up by a certain time the next day for something very important, I can't sleep the night before, waking up every hour on the hour thinking I've overslept..even with my row of strategically placed alarm clocks set at 5 minute intervals! I'm done in before I even start the day.

Just a thought. Have you thought of involving your partner too? He may be happy to stay over with you so that you can both spend time with the little one and each other.There is nothing to stop you going out, shopping etc. Being a Grandad is quite different from being a dad and he might just enjoy being part of the set up. Walks to the park/pub in the spring could be fun....

thank you you wonderful 'Grans' for all your advice and comments! all so very helpful and so good to hear all your experiences of looking after your GC. It's obvious that many Grandmothers look after their GC and go to great lengths to do it.
I fully intend to give it a try looking after my darling GS and will do at least one day-maybe two if we can sort out a time which isn't too extreme. I will tell my DD that I need it to be a trial but hopefully it will all work out for the best. I want to look after him and have decided to go ahead inspite of the opposition.
I'd never heard the term 'sandwich generation' but how very true it is! but I retired early in order to see more of my elderly parents as well as help my DD with her first baby so I suppose it's what I signed up for!
Having the baby overnight isn't an option at the moment as the baby co-sleeps and wakes up for BFeeding several times a night (he's nearly 10 months!) though it might change when he's older.
My mother does think the baby is Molly Coddled though I don't really agree as I think my DD did the best she could considering the baby was only 4lbs when he went home-he was so tiny and fragile I think anyone would have kept him close!!
My partner isn't part of the family and doesn't want to be (that's another story) which is what makes it difficult as he disapproves of me doing so much for my DD. Thanks again everyone for the advice

You've got to give it a go, haven't you, and those days with him will be very special [I can still remember all the things we used to do on those days]. It's not easy is it, juggling families and step families. Something happened to me the other day that made me realise that my partner is not my grandsons' grandfather or my childrens' father [which I know is obvious]. He was annoyed about something that, had he been her father wouldn't have bothered him or, if it did he would have forgiven it more readily. Doesn't life get complicated. Good luck. Keep us up to date with how you get on [but don't wear yourself out either]....

Good evening speldnan,

I am new to the forums and a relatively new grandmother as well. My daughter has just returned to work from maternity leave and we will be caring for our one year old grandson one day a week. My daughter is a nurse and has to be on duty at 7.30 in the morning. My son in law has to be away from 8 o'clock so we need to be at their house by about 7.15 as my daughter likes to give us " a handover" before she leaves!!!

We live 60 miles away and it takes us approx 1hr 15mins to get to there so we need to be out of the house by 6 at the latest, making it a very early start, and a cold one,esp coming into winter. We stayed over last week as it was our first time, but I didn't really sleep and was exhausted before I even got started the next day.

I totally sympathise with your dillema and hope it works out ok. I am fortunate in having the full support and help from my husband. I do find I get very tired esp at the end of the day, My daughter works a 12 hr shift and my son in law wouldnt be home until almost 7 at night, so it's a long day for everyone!!

He is a gorgeous wee man and we feel so priviliged to be part of his wee world however, I am under no illusions, and know it will be tiring . I am just turned 60 and thought I was " young at heart" but my weary joints tell a different story!!!

Know what you mean; I was doing things 5 years ago at 55 that I really struggle with now. I think just a 60 mile drive would finish me off! I think one day a week is probably do able with your husbands help.

We will do a journey four times tomorrow, 45 minutes each leg, because GD can't sleepover tonight it is halloween and she wants to be with her Mum

I suspect that deep inside your daughter knows she is asking a lot, maybe if the days were spread out it would be easier to manage but it does sound like a lot for you. However I suspect also that I would be doing the same myself as I used to drive and hour and half to baby sit for my daughter and son in law to have a night out then drive all the way home again late on.
I think maybe I would suggest that you're heart is willing but the body is weak so you will give it a try for 6 months then reassess the situation. Obviously we all know the cost of child care but it will cost you a few bob to keep filling up your tank with fuel.
I know my daughter has moved an 8 hour journey away from me and I have travel across there. I wish they made life a bit easier for us if they so want our help. I suppose like you she has the pressure of her hubby to contend with as well. Maybe a family discussion with your partner there might be helpful to work it out a bit more amicably.

well I've been minding my grandson for over a month now(2 days per week) and driving up and down in snowy/wet/cold weather (only missed 1 day because of snow) I am getting used to the early starts and the long drive (which takes 20-50 minutes longer in the rushhour) and love looking after the little boy. He is nearly walking and a delight to be with-always laughing and happy and being with him makes the journey worthwhile!
Also my daughter has finally realised what I have offered her with this help as she has done the drive a few times herself now, plus I think her collegues have said how lucky she is to have her mother to care for her baby. She has thanked me for allowing her to resume her career and totally trusts me with her son. This makes me feel that I have made the right decision to help her.
BUT I can't pretend it isn't tiring! they have a 3 storey house and lugging the little one up and down the stairs doesn't do much for my back,shoulders and knees and the long day and drive make me feel exhausted for the rest of the week.
However it is a temporary situation and the pleasure I get from watching my grandson grow and develop is worth being tired for. I notice his development much more than I did my own children and wonder at every new thing he does-does anyone else find that too?

Oh yes! We have six grandchildren, ranging from 16 to 3, and we still wonder at their development, and beauty, and intelligence and....

Seriously, things we were too busy to notice with our own three because we were so busy making sure they were appropriately fed, entertained etc.

They continue to amaze us, amid cries from their parents of "We'd never have got away with that!" Bless them.

No, I wouldn't on a regular basis twice a week. I absolutely adore them, and will happily fly across Europe to visit them and to look after them in an emergency or special occasion - but my daughters totally agree that is is not our job to bring up their children. We are part of the process, and love them to distraction - but no, we won't bring them up, and our daughters would never ask us to. The role of grand-parents is to support, lots and often, but not on a regular basis. If grand-parents are young and active, they have their own life to lead after all the hard work - and if not, they shouldn't as it is too tiring.

Sounds selfish? I don't think so, and so do our daughters. As said, I'd jump on the next plane in the middle of the night if needed in an emergency- or would look after them for a whole week or more, or week-ends from time to time. MHO.

.granjura.*have just done that (fly out for an emergency)and totally agree that theirs is the job of bringing up the children but it has been difficult seeing things that I would not have been happy with for my children . I know the French have a different attitude to child rearing. Children fit in with the parents lives. They may have gone away for half term I wouldn't know as there is no answer to my phone call but if a cry for help comes we are expected to jump to it and we do.

Speldnan Thanks for coming back to tell us how the childminding is going. Hopefully the weather will be improving from now on and make the journey easier. One thing I insisted on when our DGC were as young was the afternoon nap - perhaps they did not need it but I certainly did .

Oh I'm pleased to hear that it's going well, Speldnan [and very pleased to hear that your daughter appreciates what you're doing; imo that makes a huge difference]. Is there any way round having to use all three levels of the house, though? Could you keep as much as possible on one level? I know when my eldest granson was young we had a playpen downstairs and if, say, I needed to go to the loo when he was awake I used to ask him to go in the playpen for a while; he used to walk into it and close the door behind him . I had my youngest grandson here for most of yesterday [haven't spent as much time with him as I did with his brother] and he was a delight; I'm still chuckling at some of the things he said.

I would drive more than an hour to mind my Grandchild, but not everyone is fit enough to do that, and so if you are well enough to do so then its fine but if you are not or it would stress you then of course do not, perhaps you could do something else to help instead of driving all that way.

But whatever you decide please remember that guilt is a waisted emotion, were as problem solving is much more helpful fro yourself.

I'm more likely to be asked to mind the cats than the kids...

Speldnan I'm so glad you came back to tell us how it's going, thank you! Yes, I enjoy every new thing my DGS learn to do and value it.