got to get to know granddaughter before i can babysit

crystaltips77 - it's good you found this thread, if it's helped you look at your situation in a different way.

I sympathise with your desire to have child minded, but perhaps that would leave your dil feeling overly dependent. Hopefully, you can help out at times, with child care, or even babysitting at a future date. I do hope things become easier for you.

Hi - I know this thread is dormant now, but just wanted to say, I am in a similar situation to NannyRodders and my GD is 21mths old and I have never been asked/ granted or allowed to babysit for her alone - one to one (she is my son's child and he and the mum have on/off relationship) and he has behaved badly throughout the pregnancy and his daughters life so far. But anyway, I get so hurt that the mum doesn't allow me to spend time alone with my granddaughter, and I was just about to send her a message - when I came on here and noticed this tread and want to say a big THANK YOU to 'MISHAP' & 'BetterNotBitter' as they have made me see it from another point of view and I am starting to feel that that was me 'thinking I had the right!' etc., and now I see I don't - she's not MY daughter - she's my GD, and I must be happy and grateful for the times the mum brings her round to my house. Just one thing, she has now booked her into a preschool to start in 6 months time, and I'm a registered childminder and was hoping - beyond hope - that she may be going to ask me to have her which - clearly she is not going to do. I'm hurt because she lives locally and i feel she is happier to pay strangers to have her than to ask me - her gran - who would obviously look after her for free. Am I being silly? Hope someone out there gets to see this and can help/advise me..

Iam64 - I left my baby outside a shop - went to Mothercare around the corner and my then husband said 'Where's the baby' Oops. Yes - still in pram and fast asleep outside the local bookshop.

I often go to the Isle of Skye and prams are left outside shops all the time. Safety of island life I suppose.

My next door neighbour (a midwife) didn't worry too much when her little boy fell over while he was playing with a stick. After a couple of days, when he was still complaining about his stomach hurting, she took him to A&E where the doctor found some of the stick embedded under the skin. Not only was there the embarassment of her being a health professional, but she was also worried about the bruises her son had got. The doctor assured her that he could tell the bruises were not deliberate injuries.

Flower - my mum left our baby sister outside the shop in her pram, and brought the tea bags home. A little while later, someone said, where's the baby - mum went white, and ran back to the corner shop. The pram and sleeping baby were both still there.
Mishap - we had three trips to A&E with 2 toddlers over the course of a year. Dislocated elbow when rolling on floor playing with pal, 2nd one when being swung around on her 3rd birthday. Then the 18 month old ran one way in the swinging doors at the library, and her dad walked the other - 1st dislocation for her, 3rd for us. I was a cp social worker locally, and felt sure we'd be investigated. A friendly paediatrician told me later that there would be some genetic link to the dislocations. He also fessed up to his own babe having fallen off a bed, broken his arm and not been presented to hospital until they arrived at another city 4 hours later.
I also wonder where NannyRodders is. I hope you haven't been alienated by the stories of neglectful mothers (gransnetters I mean) and would be interested to know how things are progressing.

I hope NannyRodders realises that the opinions and suggestions in reply to her original post are meant kindly and positively. I would be interested to know how she feels about them and whether she herself can now see a beter way forward which makes everyone happier?
Are you still there NannyRodders?

I once dislocated my DD's arm swinging her round - how embarrassing when I had to take her to the surgery where my own OH was a GP partner - and me a SW too!!

Getting back to the original topic (on which the OP is strangely silent), I had my 9 month old GD here yesterday with her Mum. She knows us well and has been brought here very regularly as we will be looking after her one day a week when my DD goes back to work in December; but still she has just developed the classic separation anxiety when Mum leaves the room. It is at this age when they start to realise that they are a separate entity to their Mum and that she goes away sometimes - it is a while before they start to cotton on that she also comes back. So NannyRodders, your DIL really does have a point. Please go and enjoy this little lass in her own space with her own Mum there - and good things will follow I am sure.

Reminded me again ( you Gnetters certainly bring out the mamma guilt in me) When my DDS no 1 was about 9 months old he was in his pram in the back garden. I looked out of the window and he was 'gone'. I raced out to find him dangling by one harness strap over the side of the pram. Oops! had forgotten one strap. When he was `13 months old I had a newborn and him (poor little soul) sitting on one of those pram seats - strapped of course. I stopped at local butchers and took him in. (We could leave the prams safely outside in those days) purchased my meat and popped him on the pram seat, bending down to put the meat under the pram. DDS leaned over to see what I was doing and sailed (did I say sailed) past me hitting the ground. Luckily he has a very well padded suit on at the time. We also manage to have the wheel of the pram fly off and trundle down the road while on an island crossing the road. A kindly gentleman jumped out of his car and retrieved the wheel. Oh goodness its all coming back. I managed to 'fold' my son in his buggy the first time I used it. #shouldneverhavehadchildrenmaybe

As far as irresponsible is concerned, in my mama's eyes I was a major culprit. Yet I have a Super 8 cine film taken by my father where a child younger than two (still in nappies) is climbing up the long stairs of a windmill in Norfolk. A little over halfway up she loses her footing and dangles by one tiny arm for an eternal second or two before getting her feet back on the stairs and carrying on with her long, long climb. At the top, her mummy comes breezing around the windmill and picks her up and cuddles her. (By the way, her father never stopped filming.) Every time I view this archive movie, I look at the baby and think "I can't bear this". The baby, of course, was me.

My 3 month old DGD has spent several days a week at my home with her mummy and older brother. I have go to know her but every time I say 'hi' to her her lips crumples and she wails like a banshee. She is fine if across the room in her mum's arms and will sometimes sit on my lap so that her mummy can give the 3 year old some time. She is only 3 months but as soon as she realised that it isn't her mum holding her the wailing starts. The one thing that can stop the crying is an App. called Baby White Noise. Tova's White Noise of Choice is, currently, Vacuum cleaner. As soon as we switch the App on - sometimes in full wail - she immediately stops and drops off to sleep. I would recommend it to all new mums. It has vacuum cleaner, car noise, hair dryer, dripping tap!!!??? , Doplar and many more.

Oh Lona, my 5 year old DGS does the same regarding his 3 year old brother. The three year old repeats it all again though and neither of them have very understandable speech. It's like babysitting two little Martians. Fun though

Agree Deedaa, I am much more vigilant with my grandchildren and with my further 3 children. I am just lucky it was her ring finger I took the top off when she puts it in the air to remind me and not her middle finger

Remember when my very active 9 year old youngest child was leaping about on Black Rock on the Isle of Skye, I was saying , careful, mind, look out, please watch what you are doing. He shouted back that he was fine. I went and sat on a bench holding my breath. He ran towards me and hugged me and said, I know it's because you love me mummy but I'm OK I always check before I jump. I said OK, off you go. He ran away then ran back - flung his arms around my neck and said 'But, don't ever stop caring' and I never have.

Thank you positivepam, very kind of you. I will be up to 5 come March next year. My youngest DS and DiL are expecting their second one. SO pleased for them, especially as the first one was a little miracle in himself. My DS was told at the age of 14 that he only had a 5-10% chance of ever fathering a child, so GC4 was a delightful surprise, and now, 3 yrs on, they've managed it again...chuffed to bits for them!

Deedaa I was a bit accident prone with my DSs, but made me go slightly the other way. Was a bit blase I'm afraid, to the point of going out with friends for my 33rd Birthday having put my eldest DS to bed with a crepe bandage on his arm after he came off his bike. He was really complaining, but I told him not to be so silly, it hadn't fallen off so what was the problem. Ooops,..it was actually a greenstick fracture ......slack mother huh?
Still as unsympathetic today sadly..if it's not fallen off or pumping blood, then a quick rub and 'off you go then' tends to be my reaction.
Seems to do the trick though. GS4 banged his leg this morning while we were playing 'rockets', and when I asked if he was ok, the response was 'it's ok Granny, it's only a little one'... Bless

Flower I have two chidren who survived to adulthood inspite of my slicing my daughter's leg with a broken glass, letting her escape from the house so that my husband reversed the car over her, and failing to notice that my son had cut his head open falling off a bunk bed!!!
I'm actually a lot more careful with their children than I was with them!

What a wonderful post gratefulgran and welcome from me as well. I love the part that you say "the only right we have is to love them and be there for them when they need us" I think that is a wonderful sentiment and so very true. I have 5 DGC and only 2 of them live in this country, but I love them all equally and I am very close to them all and what an honour that is. And please keep posting your honest views.

Just keep being friendly and don't keep thinking about how you feel ,Nanny Rodders. In the end GC do what they want to do when they get older. Had lovely telephone call this week from Student GS in his room at uni, text message from GD may she come to tea with boy friend and visit from eldest Gs who pops in frequently. What more could one ask. Never had any of them for sleepovers.

When I look after my two youngest gc, my grandson, age 10, gives me lots of instruction about my granddaughter, age two!

another welcome to gratefulgran. The responses to the OP are so similar, NannyRodders, has it made any difference to the way you feel about your situation.

I was told by a friend to say with a deadpan face"we have done every thing you asked"
My DD told me not to iron when I first had DGD (8weeks at 8months old)She felt that I would let DGD play on the floor by my feet and she would pull the flex of the iron and it would fall on top of her and scar her for life. I very politely pointed out that neither she nor her sister had any scars from burns and that all the damage we could muster from their childhood was a green stick fracture for DD2 in the school playground.
I took it as a golden opportunity to support local initiative and have sent my ironing to Crease Relief in Durham ever since.

correction: The DIL did not know about! otherwise I wouldn't have been surprised at her lists etc.

Goodness - yes - Humbertbear, agree to a point. When I first took my year old DGS out for the day I was handed a large (well too large for a one year old) picnic bag with his food. There was also a list of instructions ie

1. he has his corn snack at 10am with his juice

2. don't give him his milk until after his lunch

3. there are sandwiches cut into slices for him to hold, he holds them in his
right hand. Please make sure he doesn't choke and watch him at all times
he is eating.

This list went on and on.I had had 5 children all of whom grew up to be adults. Yes, I did trap my DD's finger in a door jam and took the top off (it was sewn back on, albeit crookedly but I try not to look at it because I am engulfed in guilt. The same DD swallowed a packed of soluble junior asprin which she had taken out of my jacket pocket, hanging on the buggy handle. Apart from that (which the DIL new knew about they are pretty well unscathed)

Now I look after any of them without lists or problems, I do admit though that the mums do tend to text or phone to check whether their offspring are ok.

How lovely for you, absent. What a perfect result for your emigration.

When I arrived in NZ in May this year, the one-year-old was less than enthusiastic, bursting into loud tears if I so much as looked at him when he first encountered me on any given occasion . (Obviously he didn't remember me from last year and he had never met Mr absent). Now he runs into the living room on Wednesdays and Fridays when he spends those days with us, and breaks into a huge grin on the occasions that I collect him from kindie. The others seem to regard my house as an extension of their own and all five come for frequent sleepovers. I have managed a sleepover for all five at once even though there is only one single spare bed and a Portacot.

I think the children are at ease with us because we are at ease with them. This sense of ease comes naturally – you can't force it any more than you can make them love you.

gratefulgran, looking forward to hearing much more from you. You really 'tell it like it is'. Lovely!

Fantastic post gratefulgran, loved it and well said. They are not ours and we have not God given right to them. I have eleven of the little gorgeousones and have never never pushed to 'have' them. I am there if the parents need me and visit them because I love them. They in turn visit us for (I hope) the same reason.