im too old fashioned

Definitely never meant to be complimentary! The nearest current day equivalent is probably 'chavvy'.

ANA BIG

A complete stranger described by another complete stranger is hardly grounds for such nasty personal insults. I hope the grandparent who is the target of these high minded and holier-than-thou attitudes isn't a member of Gransnet.

I, for one, wasn't referring to the grandparent in the OP. Get off your high horse, absent.

Absent It was a comment on this description in the OP:
" she dresses like a teenager, lots of make up, high boots, lots of studs and sparkles, she also boasts that she drinks lots of alcohol and gets drunk frequently"

The comment was that this sounded common - that's hardly a nasty personal insult, merely an observation on what the OP had written.

Now who's being holier-than-thou Absent? Stop trying to cause ructions

I think your daughter should have invited you too. However you will have plenty of opportunity to spend time with your gd in the manner you like.

I can't see why parties for tiny children are necessary. If parties are not your thing, then there are plenty of things you can do which suit you better.

You are not old-fashioned!

Well if this woman, who likes getting drunk, dressed in high boots and sparkles and, I assume an older face than what you'd expect with that decription - well if that is not common then I don't know what is.
I think the idea of party for a one year old with booze flowing is not my idea of a good celebration.

DD1 sat in her high chair eating a cream cracker and DD2 had her first go at eating her semolina pudding with a spoon all by herself, with her new plate and spoon. What innocent days those were and really lovely to remember.
They were birthday parties for CHILDREN.

Everyone is assuming that the ' younger' Nana is going to get blathered at the DGD party. You don't know this to be a fact. Your assuming this because, good lord, she wears high heel boots and has studs.

Petra ,

cactus; she wants to come and see you and have a cuppa because she wants to be with you without being coerced into it. Parties are for the parents to arrange, not the grandparents. I think the other grandmother is totally out of order and is doing it for herself, not the child [who'll probably sleep through it anyway]. Maybe it's a good thing that her grandmas are so different.

I suspect your daughter has a hard time with this other Grandma , cactus and worries about it would spoil the day for her.However, you are her Mother and really should be there.What happens to all the other parties in the years to come?Speaking personally, I don't like children's parties, perhaps when your DGD is a bit older she should be asked who she would like at her party, and maybe will say cactus grandma and NOT sparkleboots Grandma, who knows? Or maybe this 1st party will be the only one with relatives, and next year and other years will just be for children only [much better!]Try not to be sad about it, because ;
{a.} your DGD is only 1 year old at the moment and {b} you may hate the party anyway. However I do understand your annoyance, and hurt.

I suggest reading the wonderful Katie Morag & the Two Grandmothers by Mairi Hedderwick

I m totally with FlickityB on this one
I totally agree there shouldn't be alcohol at a one year olds party or a 2,3,4,5......... but that should be your daughter decision not either grandma's she shouldn't have two parties she should accommodate you both at the one,- by having two she is pandering to 'common gran'

Don't change Cactus you stay the proper granny and let old sparkly pants get on with getting drunk preferable not at the party