Playing by themselves, or not, as the case may be!

I had this problem with one of my grandchildren. So one day I just got out a few toys (eg jigsaw, a couple of books, crayons and paper, and his favourite flashing thingy). I then settled myself down and talked on GN for 20 minutes and left him to it. He wasn't a happy bunny, but after a few days he accepted that 'Nana is busy' and now can occupy himself if necessary.

Of course we need to play with them, be teach them to play with other children, but they all need to learn to occupy themselves.

PS I have four here now aged 2,3,4 and 7. They are all playing happily (but very noisily) together at unicorns and pirates!

I remember that phase with my DGD. Soaked up as much attention as she could get - what a novelty having your very own totally-bidabble grown up. Playing pretend games based on animated films etc too. "You be Rodney the Rat and I'll be Rita!"
But if you are having her 2 whole days a week then you will just have to do what aka says - settle her down with some art materials or dough and then retreat and ignore. Suggest your start with 5 minutes at a time a couple of times a day and work up.

You could play at going to sleep in the afternoon.
Yes! I think she knows you are there to keep her amused and is enjoying it.

Some children can play alone for hours; others need the company. How would it be if you did things she could 'help' you with. My first GD, even as a toddler, always loved mixing cakes and cutting out biscuits. She has never lost this enthusiasm and, now an adult, is a good cook and baker.

My GD is just 3 and we usually have her for a couple of hours once a week so we both give her our undivided attention and we all enjoy it. When she's gone we need to lie down in a darkened room for an hour though! The problem is when, on the odd occasion, we have her for longer...she expects the same attention of course, it's what she's used to. But it's such a rare event that I can't really begrudge her. If it was more often I would have to do something to get a bit of a break! Lol!

The are all different. One of the GSs who is here often demands endless attention and he can barely sit still or concentrate on a thing (but he's so very loving that we forgive him); and the 1 year old GD who was here today just potters about with a smile on her face - I even did the Sunday Times crossword!

You've put your finger on it Molllie ... It's ok for an hour or so. Many of our most creative writers and thinkers had quite lonely or isolated childhoods, thus they had to learn to use their imaginations and be more independent.

Don't fool yourself helena that you're doing your GD any favours by over indulging her in this way, quite the reverse. Nor are you doing yourself any favours, you must be exhausted by the end of the day.

helena they need to learn to occupying themselves, gives their imagination chance to run riot.
I involved DGC helping around the house so the whole time wasnt taken up with them wanting me to play along with them, they like nothing better than help to dust, wash the windows or baking.

I think it is really nice, and important, to play with children/grandchildren and I wish I'd played with my children more when they were young, rather than spending so much time on housework, cooking, etc.

However, I also think it's important for children to be able to amuse themselves for some of the time. If they are always expecting someone to initiate an activity or to entertain them, I feel they will be less confident in their own abilities, less creative and ultimately less fulfilled.

Aka, our GD is an only child and does get lots of time on her own while mum and/or dad do whatever. She's fine with that so it's only at our house that she gets total, undivided attention for the whole of her visit. I think I can allow her that as it's usually for such a short time. At her own house she's fine and can entertain herself nicely. Having that ability is, as you say, important. As a solitary sort I love 'me' time...

Thank you all for your input, its much appreciated. I will take your advise on board and try what aka and jess suggest and slowly introduce more 'me' time. I don't expect it to be popular, but needs must!!! I work long days too, so need to try and rest a little on my days off when I have her.

When I visited GC on Sunday eldest was dressed as a Victorian maid and she had a feather duster in her hand. youngest was in her ball gown and was ordering the maid to do her housework. When GD1 was just learning to walk we used to give a cloth and she used to clean the kitchen cupboard doors

Just picking up on what Glassortwo said earlier. My young grandson (just turned 4) likes nothing better than "helping" with the housework. His favourite occupation is cleaning the windows. He places his little stepping stool in front of the window and with his squirty bottle and cloth in hand he is perfecty happy helping grandma.

My grandson started 'helping' when he was three - we found him stood on his chair with his hands in the washing up bowl, crashing the dishes around with a big smile on his face. He would do the dusting with baby wipes, and wash the patio windows part way up with the dishcloth. Last week (now five) he and his brother stood together having a wee and I was astonished to witness him telling his brother off for missing the bowl, then he got down on the floor to clean up! 'Oh, he does it all the time' said my daughter. Next time he's bored, he can clean my bathroom!

GS (age 7) will not play on his own, he is ok if he has friends round, but otherwise, it's "grandma come and help me colour/,grandma help me build my lego,/ grandma what can we do now/grandma watch me do this/.......and does get rather difficult when DH is not well and have to attend to him and try and amuse him also think I can build Lego in my sleep!! lol but there we are..

I think it is very much a question of personality. One of my DGC will play for hours by themselves, the other needs to be interacting with someone on a one to one basis all the time

Gosh I just love playing with my DGC and we play so many different games and I just love the imagination that they have. I also feel that it is up to us to lead our GC in whatever direction of activity that we want them to do. I can make any sort of activity fun or interesting, I just start to say " ooh shall we do this now" and it usually works. I think that is the difference between parents and grandparents. When my DC were young, then I didn't have as much time to play as there was always housework etc to do, but as a Granny then now I do have the time and that is why I have my GC visit. Also they will just suddenly start playing the game and making a game up on their own but I think we teach them how to do this and they have to learn from us. I just feel it is an honour to have them and I think I am so lucky to have them. Especially as I hear about so many Grandparents who have no or little contact with their DC or DGC and have problems. For those of you who don't see your DC or DGC I send my love.

Oh no, no, no.

It's not 'up to us to lead our GC in whatever direction we want them to do' ...... I so disagree. They need to develop their own imaginations. Yes, we can step in if play stagnates or takes a undesirable turn (no 'Adolphus darling we don't think it's a good idea to paint the cat') but we need to go for a happy medium. Not just expecting them to occupy themselves all the time, but certainly not having the expectation of being 'entertained' all day either.

Life's not like that.

We have somebody who is complaining about their GC not playing on their own, so surely the best thing for them to do is lead them in the direction that they want if this is such a problem for them and they can't cope. I personally do not have a problem my GC all play with me or on their own and their imagination works fantastically but this Gran doesn't appear to have this. They are the one asking what to do. Of course children are guided, how would they ever learn to do anything otherwise. You cannot leave a three year old or younger to their own devices for long, of course you play with them, what else would you expect a young child to do.

Fine

I agree with you Aka, children do need to learn to play by themselves to some extent. They cannot go through life having everything arranged for them constantly and expecting someone else to organise them all of the time. I don't know if you also still work positivepam, but if you do, you will appreciate that having a little time to unwind on your days off is a bonus when looking after GC. I have mine from 7am till 6pm which is a long time to be 'entertaining'. I actually have a very good imagination and am not having any problems coping (I never suggested that I did!), and my GC and I have lots of fun playing make believe games. We have a very close relationship and I treasure the time I have caring for her. I was simply asking for tips that I may not have thought of to help keep her amused on her own for a short period of time. I did not find your post helpful or constructive and actually found it patronising..... not something one would expect on this lovely website...

Helena if you have an iPad or similar they can be very useful with children as young as 2. Your 3-year old GD should be able to use one. I just make sure the games are suitable and appropriate, and there is a maximum time allocation of 20 minutes.

If you want I can PM you a list of apps that are very popular yet educational.

Me too! I have six DGC, and some of the apps date back about ten years, and are still popular with the two youngest. I'm not advocating gluing them to an iPad, but it is so useful sometimes. I my old IPod, with the original apps on, and that stops squabbling.