Who pays ?

I think it all comes down to a person's financial situation. If buying food is putting pressure on their own budget, I think it's reasonable to say this. I'm not keen on "hints". I think it's much better to be straight forward and just say that you're sorry to bring the subject up but you're finding it a bit difficult to manage within your limited budget.

It's all very well for people who are comfortably off to pay for everything - it's not so easy, however much a grandparent would like to, to do so when finances are stretched.

DD always says thank you when she picks the boys up. If we are out she will buy coffee or a snack lunch. I would really appreciate or now and then.
I guess the problem is I'm feeling a bit taken for granted if the truth be told. She often arrives 1hr or so after her expected time. With a valid excuse it has to be said.
Yes we are comfortable financially but it would be nice, for her not to take it for granted that we are happy to pay for doing her a favour.

Hilda she has very recently become a single parent. I bought her a car after the breakup as he took hers. She couldn't get to work otherwise.

I think Ana makes a good point. Our parents never suggested they should be recompensed for the cost of looking after the children but we knew they could afford it. It was only in the holidays and the occasional emergency, anyway. Ditto with us and the DGS. If things were different, we might feel differently. If we go on holiday together, we share the expenses. It's tricky if you feel you're being used as unpaid childcare and some posters seem to be in that position.

Tell you DD next time she is to collect her children, could she come on time please as your DH is taking you out for a slap up meal because he knows that you are a fantastic gran and deserve a treat. That should make her think a bit.

I am a Granny supporting just myself bUt work full time with quite a good salary. I don't have grandchildren every week because DD lives 150 miles away. If they come and stay with me for the weekend I buy all the food and extra treats and would not expect to be paid. It gives me a lot of pleasure to "spoil" them when they are here I could go a couple of weeks then with not seeing them hence no extra expense. I do notice the difference if I have made 2 trips driving down to them in a month. My petrol bill for the month is a lot more but again it's my choice and I pay. My daughter feeds me for the weekend and that's fine I usually take down several bottles of wine for them and know they really appreciate this, my SIL especially always says thank you.

Both my daughters have given me loads of emotional and practical support during the last year whilst I have been divorcing their really awful father so I think other things count as well as finance.

I appreciate for others on a tighter budget it might not be possible to pay for everything

As I said if children care was an occasional thing then I wouldn't think twice about it. We do take them out, we contribute to school uniform and trips, we have a supply of craft stuff, toys and books. I buy my own nappies for the youngest. I never think about the cost of any of this as it's DH's and my choice. I don't have a choice when it comes to feeding them though.

As someone posted, I think I'm just feeling a bit taken for granted

Forgot to say we are taking them and DD on holiday for a week October half term.
I not really a ski flint

Nina I know what you mean. It's just getting the occasional unexpected hug, being told that they don't know what they would do without you, bringing some flowers now and then or a bar of chocolate they know you like. Small things can make a huge difference.

I really don't know what to suggest because I have only been asked once to look after my oldest GS when he was tiny. Nothing happened that I can think of, nothing has been said so I have no idea why I haven't been asked since. But my DD is the same, no hugs, no compliments just presents at birthdays and Christmas, nice presents but it seems just like it's duty really.

Enjoy being able to have you GC without their mum and dad around. Revel in their hugs, it will pay dividends in years to come from them.

My DS on the other hand, when opening the door to him the other night said, totally unexpected "Mum, don't ever change, will you?" and will hug unexpected too.

I think you are doing a grand job, here's some from me. X

Phoenix I understand your point of view. No one wants to be taken for granted. Nothing wrong with a thank you every now and again and showing you care and appreciate what someone does for you. It takes time and effort
to keep any relationship on track.

Totally agree with you Granny23 The amount of breakfast cereal we go through alone !

Oh and the little ones do like to have a choice.

Further to my post above, DD3 transferred some money to our account and proposes to pay us £50 per week! In her circumstances we feel this is too much and don't really want her to pay anything - really difficult!

I totally agree with Eloethan and others who say the same thing. It does depend on your own finances. We are financially better off than DD and see this as helping the family so we would never dream of taking anything from them. We have the grandchildren for 3 days a week which involves providing 2 packed lunches each and the petrol involved to taking them to school 3 times a week. In the holidays we take them out for days and their pleasure is our reward. We can well afford it so there is no problem and we know we are appreciated. Each family is a different situation.

Would be interesting to hear what MNetters think of this topic.

Suggestion for kitty: if you don't need the money, invest it for the GCs.

Think we will just give it her back when she moves out bags. She will be glad of it then I suspect!

We are doing the same kitty. DD and the girls have been with us for a good part of the week for the last year but stayed here permanently for the last six weeks.

On Monday, DD and her girls will be moving into their own house, walking distance to school and living next to their friends and DD will need every penny to do this. Unknown to her, we will be returning her 'keep' money and very happy to do so.

It has been hectic and chaotic at times but our orderly tidy house will feel quite empty without them although happily, they are only 15mins drive away

I have re-read the OP and I don't think Nina was asking for actual payment as some posters seem to have implied.She was suggesting that it would be appreciated if her DD provided some food occasionally and on that I would totally agree.

FOOD-- MONEY.

Same difference,!!

I don't agree Nonu ! It could feel awkward handing over cash, but the odd box of cereal, 6 packs of fromage frais etc handed over with a casual "I noticed this was on special offer, so I thought I'd get some for you" is different.

PS Re the above, it also seems more "thoughtful" if you know what I mean?

I agree phoenix [

Clearly I am in the minority of having some form of payment from our son for travel, childcare and entertainment costs.

I should have mentioned that DH and myself both work for our son 'free'
me about 1 day a week and DH about 4/5 days.

We are treated out to meals and shows and given NT Sub to thank us for this, which is very nice.

DIL offers money for 'entertainment' if we go anywhere or out for lunch but we don't tend to spend much generally and I always refuse.
Perhaps when they are older and costs go up.

I couldn't have put it better myself. phoenix

I think that whatever age they are our children tend to think that mums purse has an endless amount of money in it [and I always seem to be the only one carrying cash if we go anywhere, young people these days don't seem to do so]. My ex husband [their dad] helps me out financially and that money is regarded, by me as money to help them, but without that I would be living on a very small pension and any money spent on childcare [food/petrol etc] would mean I'd have to cutback on other things. As has been said, all cases are different but the important thing is to feel appreciated which doesn't have to come as money or presents; even a thank you, or a nice comment in a birthday/Christmas card is enough.