Who pays ?

Welcome Kittycat! You may find it easier to request supplies like nappies, feeds etc. rather than money, but you will really need to sort it out before you start. The cost of having a baby should have been considered by your DD before starting a family, and you will be saving her a lot of money by providing childcare.
I am fairly comfortably off and don't have GCs on a regular basis, but know I spend a fortune when I do.

Kittycat it is a tricky subject and I find it odd that some families seem to have arrived at the decision that the Grandparents are going to be the child-minders without any thought going into the financial side of such an arrangement. How do these conversations start? Do some young parents just assume the GPs will be delighted and that no expense is involved?
I think any serious 'out of pocket' funding needs to be sorted out the moment any idea of childcare is mooted. I'm not talking those one offs when other arrangements fall through or someone is poorly....but just making plans to go back to work and assume a Grandparent will be the official child carer does seem a little insensitive. Yes, we adore our grandchildren and yes we will do anything for them, but to be seen as the first port of call for permanent regular childcare without a mention of any financial arrangements does seem a little tactless. Many GPs will happily state they do not need a penny and are more than happy to care BUT some are counting every penny and would just like to be asked.
When my dear Mum stepped in to care for my daughter when I suddenly found myself single again. I bought a second hand pram (proper big one so it served as a day bed), handed over suitable food for the day and provided plenty of spare clothing so no laundry was necessary. If Mum bought anything for her I would always get my purse out but of course she would say it was her joy to treat us. It was important to go through the ritual so that we both felt that we were respecting each other. Love covers a multitude of sins but these conversations need to be had.

Welcome kittycat - this could get confusing!!

I have only looked after one set of DGC on a regular basis, when DD1 went back to work part-time. I did one day per week and DD's MiL did another. Various other combinations of days etc evolved eventually.

We looked after them in their own home which meant that everything was there and I got lunch free too!!! As I said ^^, we didn't need any payment but the other granny has been a widow for years, has a very small private pension and likes her holidays! I suspect they give her petrol money and she always stays for her evening meal whereas I came home to eat with DH.

Now both the children are at school, I have opted out of doing anything regularly but am on standby for when one of the children is ill or DD1 is asked to work an extra day. I also step in when the other granny goes away as she still picks up after school one day per week and stays for a meal. DD was miffed when MiL announced this arrangement because it coincides with her weekly staff meeting and the night that both DGC have activities and it means that she can't shove baked beans on toast in front of the children but has to make an effort for her MiL. I would add that DD's MiL only has these two DGC (and is unlikely to have any more) so is quite possessive of them.

We have had the other DGC for odd weekends when DDs have been going to weddings etc or away for an anniversary and always get flowers, wine etc. When DD2 and family were between houses for 14 weeks they stayed here and we took no payment from them but they bought us a lovely meal out after.

I agree with what Marmight says - we might need decorators in again when this lot go!! To say nothing of having the carpets cleaned!

Actually I'd lovet to have the grand-kids for a week or 2 so their parents could have a holiday on their own and time for themselves- not 'me' time but 'them' time. We've had them for a long week-end so they could go to a wedding abroad- and I think they would benefit from doing this more often. But as they both work very hard and long hours, they quite understandably feel any holiday should be with the children and totally devoted to them. Perhaps now they are a bit older they will do this from time to time.

Can't wait to hug them all tomorrow, as they are on their way.

Stansgran- I am just wondering. Surely you DD asked if you would be prepared to look after kids whilst they went on holiday. Did you just smile and say 'of course dear, no problem' whilst boiling inside? Did you not say you felt ambivalent about this? Not talking could really build up un-healthy resentment. What did the kids think about it all? I think that if it is a one off, say for a special anniversary, etc- and you really don't mind- then it's great. Wondering how I would feel if DD asked for me to childmind the GC as they can't afford other childcare- and then they blew saved money on a posh holiday (and expect me to look after the kids too;) ).

I must say that DGC have always come with a well-stocked change bag complete with nappies, wipes, creams, suncream etc.

I was surprised to hear a couple of retired friends say that they have been out with their very well-paid DDs and when it came to paying for coffee or lunch (and even a pile of Diy stuff once) their DDs stood back waiting for Mum to pay.

No she words it differently. Are you sure you can manage? So pride makes me say I'm sure I can if you bring them. She stayed with them two days and said could both she and her husband come and stay for the last week as she was told she had to take her holiday then .we said of course as the children would love to have their parents and we could take the cooking and washing out of the equation whilst they had days out. Then we heard nothing. I am assuming her DH made the decision that they were not coming. They went on holiday and did not take her phone. It's not so much that I boiled inside I felt baffled that the little time they get to spend with the children they haven't. There was an article in the Times last week saying that the French have children as long as it does not interfere with their lifestyle. The children spend a lot of time with au pairs etc. so I think family input is important

Sorry I was slow typing and my reply was to Granjura .also I posted rather than previewed so didn't deal with my punctuation.

OMG- don't want to stir- but I would have been more than furious. And what if one of the kids was ill or had an accident- and you didn't know where they were and couldn't reach them. What on earth did you say when they got back- did you just smile and say tickety boo?

I continued to do what I was doing sending an iPad picture each day of what the children had done,cakes made, tables set beautifully, bubbles blown so there was a stash of updates waiting for them when they returned to their life. I gather my SIL has a special phone number he and his father share so I know we could get in touch eventually if anything went wrong. I think my daughter is on a tightrope with a husband who thinks the children are not to interfere with their lifestyle.

Stansgran - you are doing what most of us do - being there for our children in whatever way seems appropriate It must be quite a pressure for you - keeping a balance!

DD1 has a friend with a husband like that and their children spend most weekends with her mother.

I agree completely with those saying it depends on circumstances. We have had varying childcare responsibilities over the years. When our DD and son lived with us she paid a monthly amount towards their keep while she was working. Now she has her own home and business but money is tight. She pays exorbitant childcare fees 3 days a week and we fill in where needed including some overnights. We are comfortably off so would never consider asking her to repay us for food, petrol or outings. But if money is a problem, I think it should be discussed and some agreement come to. You are saving your DD a huge amount in childcare fees, [ninathenana]!

Oh Stansgran, the last comment of your post is probably the saddest thing I've read for quite some time.