Overwhelmed

Kiora Take a deep breath! You are the priority at the moment.
If you go under you won't be able to help anyone, so ignore the clutter, maybe tell your dgc "not this week" as you need a rest, and just relax a little while.

I know that's easier said than done sometimes, but you can't do everything for everybody. More xx

Why not send a copy of your message to us to your family. I am sure they will get the message. It is too easy to 'rely on mum' and completely forget that your siblings and other family members are doing the same. If they knew how you are suffering I am sure they would change.

Kiora It certainly seems that you have more than enough to deal with at the moment and I really feel for you. It sounds exhausting.

I think during this hot weather it's a bit too much to start de-cluttering and get on top of the cleaning. If it is possible to get a bit of time for yourself, try and put your feet up and have a proper rest. When you're tired, everything seems so much worse.

I do understand, though, that for some people (sadly, I include myself) having a disorganised house makes things feel out of control. When it's a bit cooler, have you any friends who you would feel comfortable asking for a couple of hours of their time to help with de-cluttering, cleaning? I have gladly helped a friend of mine to do this when things were getting on top of her - though I recognise that not everybody has the available time or energy.

If your grandchildren are coming round to spend time with you, rather than it being necessity that you provide child care, perhaps you could explain that you're feeling a bit under the weather this week.

Kiora Life can be overwhelming at times. We are going through some tough stuff too at the moment but I won't jump on your bandwagon. Like folks above say, take a deep breath. Try to do something for you, even if it's half an hour once a week. Treat yourself to a nice cake, a glass of wine or whatever you love and put your feet up or sit in your garden. To be honest I would b****r the cleaning and de-cluttering. You can always de-clutter a bit at a time when things are a little easier in your life. Maybe your grandchildren could help with the de-cluttering. Sometimes they enjoy what they see as a 'project'.

It seems we are all in the same boat. At present I am helping my two sisters to look after my elderly father. We take it in turns to make his lunch. I work three hour every morning. My DD lives miles away in Scotland and has just had a diagnosis of Asperers for her five yr. old son and abpre-referral from speech therapist re. autism for her four year old. Her DH is away at sea with his job. She is exhausted ad has been begging me to try and go there at the weekend. My DF is 91on Sunday so we are trying to have a little celebration with him. I am going to Scotland next weekend in any case, requiring three trains and a ferry. I have a great deal of empathy with you*kiora*. We just have to do our best and hope it will all get better eventually. I retired from Nursing in June and mistakenly thought that life would be easier. keep smiling. from me.

Kiora (((hugs)))

To all of you who are feeling stressed and tired/unwell There is no easy answer, except to say we all have our limits, and have to say 'no' to some requests.Certainly kiora as others say, it's not the time to worry about the house [only essential jobs] and do the de-cluttering over the Winter.Help your DD before anyone else.

Hang on a minute! Aren't we the have-it-all baby-boomers who are swanning around spending all our riches and with nowt to do!

I think the reality as described above is just a little different!

Kiora - get the children de-cluttering - make a game of it. Today's gae is to see who can fill the most bin liners for the charity shop/recycling! Or are they wee babies?

Warm ((hugs)) and karma to you KI, you certainly seem as though your plate is overflowing.

Kiora no wonder you feel overwhelmed! As the others have said, take some time out just for you.

If you feel hemmed in by clutter you could try what I do. Have a (temporary) Clutter Box for each room that needs it and just shove stuff in it, so that at least it's all in one place and not scattered around. The room looks tidier and more habitable and you can sort the box out when you feel up to it. This works for me, as I exhaust far too quickly to be able to do any meaningful decluttering in one hit!

Well said Mishap! Sandwich generation more apt with responsibilities above and below in the generations. Have been there Kiora. Can only say this too shall pass. Do as the others say and give yourself some space, call in favours if you can. Nobody will benefit if you go under.

And if you don't need anything from the Clutter Box in the next few weeks you may never need it, so you can throw it out! Sorted! Well done, MiniMouse

The 'sandwich generation' (been there) feels like a piece of elastic being stretched to breaking point from both ends.

kiora

Thinking of you kiora, so many of us are, or have been, in a similar situation. Look after yourself, it isn't selfish to take a bit of time out to breathe.

It's lovely that your eldest GS is begging to stay over. Let him come. Enjoy it. Sod the mess.

jinglebellsfrocks; yes I am with you on that `sod the mess' ! --
soon Kiora will feel a lot better, and will zip into action with enormous satisfaction of a big job well done ! we all feel for you , but do enjoy your grandsons visit. precious moments and memories

like - been there done that lots of tears and then smiles god be with you and yours. flowers

Thanks for taking the time to post. Nothing much has changed. I did have my Grandchild ( it's a girl I'm not very good with the acronyms) we had a lovely time. I am going to take your advice about de cluttering a bit at a time. I think I'm prone to minor anxiety+ What feels like more and more responsibities + getting older isn't a good mix for me. This won't be my last post about this type of problem. ( sorry) Honestly I don't understand how things have got to this. I was bringing up 3 children, working, doing housework, visiting my family, seeing friends. I'v dealt with all the problems teenage children bring, pregnancies, drugs, all their emotional drama's. (they all turn out o.k) I always thought we'd get better at dealing with life with age. All that experience behind us. Well I'm not. It's the feeling of not being able to manage I hate. Sometimes I just don't recognise myself anymore. I'm falling apart at the seams. I obviously need to 'get a grip' but I'm just too tired!

You have a kindred spirit here Kiora - today I am overwhelmed with decisions about 2 lots of surgery, GC to care for (in shifts over the next few weeks), an arts festival to organise, masses of music to learn as I have to record a learning CD for 250 singers next week, sick OH whose ticker keeps going haywire, house in total disorder, can't vacuum because of carpet beetle treatment on floors, 2 people coming this morning to rehearse some music with me whilst 18 month old also here, car in garage and have got to pick up GD in strange car etc. etc.......

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!

I am sending strength and energy in large packets to both of you Kiora and Mishap. Take once a day undiluted until symptoms abate.

Someone once said to me when I was struggling to cope with a difficult time in my life "Remember that steel has to go through the furnace to be tempered". It helped me a little.

You are definitely not alone kiora which is why I've only just caught up with this thread!

It always helps ne to post so please keep doing so! Sometimes things are overwhelming aren't they! It will pass but we are all with you in spirit until it does!

I think that our generation should be called the club sandwich generation as we have so many layers of responsibility!

Thanks gaga - I have just taken the morning dose!

I am doing the box in each room thing, and luckily I have a deadline which spurs me on, which is our village fete. I think I shall be supplying the bric a brac stall single-handedly, let alone the book stall.

However, I know how kiora feels re de-cluttering, because all of your life feels bogged down at times and if only your house was a bit emptier, it feels much calmer and is a better place to relax in. We have spent the past week changing over rooms and acquiring more storage space and solutions, and I feel so much better for it. There are still a couple of rooms that need a good clearout, but I can cope with that and keep my sanity.

GCs arrive tonight for a week... At one point I thought they couldn't come, because their car failed its MOT twice, but they are hiring a car. Part of me was sorry, part of me felt relieved, but now I should be sorting the shopping and cleaning the upstairs bathroom and sorting tonight's meal and changing a bed, but my feet ache and what the hell.

Last week I felt truly overwhelmed. We were supposedly on holiday, or at least, having a break. We went to check on my mother. But friends heard we were in the area via my daughter. So it became a constant whirl of visiting the walking wounded. Mother - broken back and ribs due to osteoporosis. Best friends, one with MS and one nursing a brother dying of cancer. Oldest friend - husband has recently had two heart attacks. Apart from my mother all of them are only in their 50s. It became stressful and depressing rather than a break. In the meantime, my niece had brain surgery for the third time last Friday so my sister was calling me and emailing me every day. On what should have been a happy holiday recalling childhood memories, I felt really low.

Home again now though, and feeling much better. Although DS is currently moving flats ready for next semester and his father has just rung to say that they will be back just before GCS arrive, with all of his duvets/bedding/pillows as they all need cleaning... Where to put them?! He's sleeping outside in his den tonight as it is!

All this sounds familiar! Last time I got into an overloaded tizz someone told me to think "this too shall pass". Actually the stresses and strains of today do pass- however that's not to say that new ones wont pop up or creep up in future but I do gain great comfort from saying it to myself.
Keep on keeping on everyone!

Kiora you coped magnificently when you were working etc because you were probably 25- 30 years younger with more energy. As others have said, sod the cleaning etc., the dust will be there when we snuff it. Enjoy time with your granddaughter, she will not see clutter or dust.