THAT huge question

A big pile means a large old cheap rambling farmhouse. It would certainly NOT stop me looking after our grandchildren- I thought my post was clear on this- Just that we would need help. I look after the place without outside help, both the 'public' part and our side, and the garden too. If I had to spend much time givng my all to bringing up grandchildren, I would wish to give up much of the housework (which is plentyful with dogs and a very old house) to someone else. Would you object to that? I'd have thought than concentrating on the grand kids would make total sense, no?

Oh! Thanks jingle…

I think it's sensible to sort it out, we did when ours were young. And Big Piles' are very useful for absorbing small children and all their paraphernalia. I don't find it maudlin at all.

The reason we sorted it all out was because we knew that helpful family may well rush forward to help, but not necessarily the ones we wanted our DCs to end up with full time. So we went to The Outlaws. Who seemed more than happy to start planning our imminent demise and full of glee at getting their mitts on their dearly beloved GCs. The Outlaws are only now in their early 70s, and DS is now 19 so as they are very lively I think they would be more than able to cope. He is very easy to look after.

I sometimes wonder what DD would wish to happen, because although the GCs always say they want to come and live with me all the time, I know they would really miss all their little cousins who live near them. Their other grandma has neither space nor energy, she isn't very well.

Sounds uncomfortable doesn't it.

(it's a big house really)

What's a 'big pile' please?

We named guardians (with their agreement) in our will and I believe that at least one DS has done the same. And we didn't nominate an elderly relative which wouldn't have made sense if the children were likely to be bereaved all over again.

We don't have 'a big pile' just a little pile.

I agree with you littleflo.Just a matter of being practical before the event.

1/1, 16.19.
I am afraid I don"t understand about a BIG PILE to look after, I could say the same TBF.
It would not in any way shape or form affect how I would be with my G/C

I think it is really sensible. My BiL had kids the same age as ours and we made wills to ensure that we would be able to take care of each other's children. In the event it would have put huge financial burden on either family so we both made financial provision for each other.

My DiL has a brother who has same age kids but she absolutely does not want him to care for them. They have reciprocal arrangements with my own side of the family and this has been made clear to all.

You can bury your head in the sand, but tragedies do happen. I don't see this as depressing, it is like making a will, common sense.

It wouldn't be "expected" round here. No one in the rest of the family would ever want to leave their sides.

I'm getting off this wretched thread now.

The OP doesn't say it would stop them. Having help would be better and therefore it will be arranged that money is set aside for employing someone. I think that's a great idea. Although most of us would willingly bring up our DGC none of us are getting any younger and looking after children 24/7 can be exhausting. Being able to employ someone to help would make it better for all concerned.

No I don't get that either jingls.
It's sensible, tho, to be prepared so there is no stressing over who is expected to look after the young ones.
I knew a divorcee who died very suddenly and her parents wanted to bring up her young son but her will said that he should be with his dad, who had been very involved in his care all his life.
That saved a lot of problems for everyone.

Actually I don't understand why having a "big pile" to look after would, or could, stop you wanting to look after your grandchildren.

should read 'that's what families do'.

We would bring up our grandson if anything should happen to DD and SIL.
It's all in their will, so official. There is nobody else who would take him on so of course, we must do so even though it would be difficult for the rest of our lives.That's what families do.

In such dreadful circumstances as described here, a family would rally around the children immediately. Some things, however, do NOT not need to be stressed over in advance.

I think it's weird.

jingl, you can be truly insensitive at times. How is ensuring that your GCs future is safe and secure just in case- has anything to do with depression?

Have you got plans made in case- to make sure social services have clear directions in case. We've lost so many young friends in the last few years- in terrible circumstances- so, yes, sadly, it does happen.

No depression here, thanks- just love and the need for security for the little ones.

This thread really beats the band for Gransnet misery threads.

Are you all slowly sinking into a sea of depression?

Yes, we did the same with DH's brother and dil- they had 3 daughters and us 2, ours, theirs, ours, theirs and theirs- all 1 year apart. Each time we got together or either went on holiday we used to say 'BE CAREFUL we just could not cope' and they the same, it was a bit of a family joke.

In this case, a sibblings arrangement would not really be feasible, for all sorts of reasons- agreed that being brought up by younger parents would be 'better'- but with help, I'm sure we could do it. Not a decision to be taken lightly, that is for sure.

Better to make arrangements then not. DD2 is besotted with her niece and nephew, and they with her- but I don't think it would be fair for her to feel obliged to drop her own life - but she would be a great help and support to us. But of course, the chances of us being needed in this way are, thank goodness, very very very small.

When the children were very young, we "willed" them any money and our house to my sister. It was a reciprocal arrangement

When our children were young we 'left'them to my parents but with access to the money (what there was) as well as we knew they couldn't afford to bring them up otherwise. My son and DiL have never said what provision they have made for there three but We all assume my single daughter would take them. She is a wonderful auntie and the children adore her.
However, we should all be aware that these wishes are not binding and social services usually get involved.

My daughter and SiL discussed this with us when they sorted their wills out. We said we did not mind SIL's sister having guardianship of our grandson, as long as we were consulted on any decisions regarding his future as long as we were still around. My SiL has a stepmother who has never shown the slightest interest in being a grandmother to my grandson, so that door is closed. It is very much her loss, but a pity, as she is considerably younger than we are. Oddly enough, my grandson himself brought this up out of the blue just before Christmas when his parents were away for a couple of days. "If anything happened to mum and dad, where would I live?" I told him either with us or his aunt. "But if I went to Auntie B where would I sleep and put all my things?" I had no idea that the situation would even cross his mind at his young age.

When my now grown up children were young it was in our will that husbands parents would take the children and if they had already died my best friend who was the children,s godmother would have them. With my own grandchildren my daughter ( their mother) has put it in her will that her younger sister will have the children if anything happens.

It was written in our wills who the children's guardian would be. We must get around to up dating them.

I haven't discussed DGC with DD but I know we would rather not do it. Unfortunately I really don't know what choice we'd have as other GP's although a few years younger have never really shown much interest in DGC