special days cause so much trouble

Why is a special day needed for our sons and daughters to express their feelings? And why do so many of you expect to receive cards, presents, ridiculously expensive flowers etc. Interflora et al are rubbing their hands in delight. Do you need such gestures to boost your 'mothering' images?

Do any of you actually know the origins of 'Mothering Sunday' as it's properly known (not this mindless 'Mother's Day' it is now).... the middle Sunday in Advent when servants were allowed the day off(God knows who cooked lunch in the 'big' house) to visit their mothers? A bunch of wild violets were the traditional gift, probably picked by the wayside as they walked home. No fancy cards,no over-the-top presents and above all I suspect no moaning and groaning from the mothers if their children didn't take the opportunity to come home.

I actually had a card this year from one of my daughters ...... she nearly always forgets but always has a really good excuse lined up. Because I hadn't had one for so long I really appreciated it. I am a mother but I'm also a person in my own right, with my own life, my own opinions, likes and dislikes. I don't need to be rewarded for having children, and I certainly don't want them to feel they owe me anything for bringing them into the world.

absentgranma On another thread I mentioned that I felt blessed today, my DS and my DSSs have all made a nice gesture in different ways.

However, I do not need gestures on Mother's Day - this is their choice.
I also do not need a reward for having my son, or for 17 years ago getting to know and love my DSSs.

Of course Interflora are rubbing their hands in delight...
Indeed DS abroad was wise enough to send me flowers a few days ago prior to premium prices and contacted a local florist.

The true origin of Mothering Sunday is in the back of many minds and I am sure that many like me would be more than delighted with a wild flower.

I am also a person in my own right with my own ideals etc. but if my DS, DSSs and DGC wish to make a gesture on this admittedly over commercialised day then I will accept it graciously.

No way would one of them feel they owed me anything, either for bringing them into the world, or in later years for 'acquiring' 3 DSSs.
If I was to ask them this..... I'm pretty sure their answers would be """Would you ever wise up """".

And definitely I don't need gestures to boost my Mothering images.

I don't think you have to let commercialisation get in the way.
I had a lovely day as all 3 sons came and we went out for lunch. We could have any day- it was just an obvious one to focus on. Since we worked out that we hadn't all been together for Mother's Day for 16 yrs I don't think we have got caught up in commercialisation or duty.
I think that Anya is right, and if the relationship is poor, mothers get upset when they get no acknowledgement on a special day. If you have a close relationship it isn't something that bothers you.

I don't expect expensive flowers or gifts. I would rather they kept their hard earned money to themselves when money is short for them. However it does feel nice to be appreciated. I don't feel they owe me anything but I do think it's nice when we do all we can to assist them in every way possible throughout the year (which we do willingly because we want to), for them to show a bit of appreciation - a card and a bunch of daffs or something It's the tradition of it really.

Quite agree KatyK I have 3 DDs. I don't feel they owe me anything but as you say whatever the day it is nice when they show their appreciation. It certainly does not have to be expensive.

DD1 spent the day with her son , our DGS but sent me a jokey helium balloon and a lovely message in a card.

DD2 spent one of her precious days off with me on Thursday with a light lunch as a treat. A card with a lovely message.

DD3 and soon to be Son In Law invited myself and his Mother to Sunday lunch at their home . There was also a small pretty bunch of flowers and card with message.

They are always grateful for what we do for them and tell us often which makes it extra special but still made thoughtful gestures on this day.

I think the mothers in the past for whom Mothering Sunday was 'invented' were probably just glad to see their kids after weeks and weeks (possibly months) of not seeing them. I expect the kids were glad to see their mums too, and picking a few wild spring flowers on the way home was a nice gesture.

Nowadays we have many many more ways of keeping touch with each other and of visiting. Our lives are not so constricted as the lives of those servant girls and their mothers. We can exchange tokens of affection and respect 365 days of the year in lots of different ways. Picking one day out of all of those as somehow more significant than all the others is, as the OP suggested, asking for trouble—not for everyone, obviously, but for some, as various stories on gransnet yesterday have shown.

I think the servant girls were often very young adolescents forced by poverty to work long hours and live away from home before they were really ready to be away from their parents and siblings. A bit of history puts things in perspective.

Yes, my grandmother was 12 when she left school and went into service.

Never mind. The Fiona Cairns cupcakes were delicious.

#rememberthebestbits

Why wouldassume the rest of us have no idea of the history of Mothering Sunday? Incredible to assert that!

'would anyone' (should have read)

Because we're all stupid?

Because sometimes it does appear that a lot of people think that a certain tradition has always been exactly as it is held now, and don't know that it was once a) different and b) had a reason for being as it was.

When Mothering Sunday was a day for a very young servant to be released to visit her mother, it was probably her first day off for months, so she could not have gone home any sooner, perhaps since she was taken on at the previous quarter day (Christmas) and she and her mother probably couldn't write, so there would have been no letters between them, and no handy telephone.

Daughters now can (and should!) see their mothers more often, and write, phone or text.

I got some nice flowers and a good lunch...my DD acknowledges me the rest of the year too, I don't really need the special day. But she likes it.

However. This lunch was shared with her (as a mum) and her partner's mum and sister (also a mum). Result was - a lot of emotional talk about the sister's problems which I couldn't join in as I don't know the others involved.
Also a very edgy partner as he wasn't at all sure how we would take his mum. (She seemed ok to me!) Bickering while lunch was cooking. Other visitors were late.

Sister disappeared after lunch and was found by her brother at the friend's where they left the car. She then, after the first course, propped up her tablet on the table and chatted with other people.
How rude can you get???

Resentment of her coloured my sleep and I only got about 5 hours, so am knackered today.

Elegran, so you subscribe to the notion that most of us are as thick as two short planks. Great!

Hands up anyone who has learned something knew here?

Me, I learned how to make crispy bacon in the microwave

I've learned that most of us are as thick as two short planks.
I have also leaned that some mothers get treated to lunch on mothers day. Others get flowers and other little tokens.
Some of us get sweet F A

My gran went into service here in Manchester when she was 13. She came from Oswestry, where her 10 sisters and brothers lived until they, too, went into service. My great-aunt was working nearby to her, so they both travelled home on Mothering Sunday, taking a fruit cake and a few flowers. By the time they got there, they only had an hour or so before it was time to set off back to Manchester. Comparing that experience with how things are now, it's no wonder she didn't see reason to make a fuss as she got older - by then, she saw us all most weeks and could speak to us by phone when she wanted to. I can still envisage her bemused 'hmmmph!' as she accepted flowers and chocolates on mothers day

It must have been wretched to be in service and at such a young age

Who "asserted" anything about anyone's knowledge of the history of Mothering Sunday, jings? I don't see any assertions of that kind. I see chat by several peope about the history of Mothering Sunday.

What I've learned from this thread is that some people are as touchy as hell. What I haven't learned is why the hell they are so touchy about general remarks in a conversation.

I agree, river. Those kids who had mothers must have missed them sorely at times.

Well Bags you are just not looking hard enough sweetie. X

My gran went into service when she was 14.

Patronising bullshit, jings.