commitment

I'm sure in your position Nightowl most of us would help as much as we can. that's a very different scenario and hopefully not one that will happen to most people.

If having enough money for one parent to give up work was the criteria that had to be met before anyone could consider having children then only the rich/well off would ever have families Stansgran. My first DGD (9) was unplanned, however her arrival sparked a renewed lease of our entire family including my parents (her GGP's) and my grandma (her GGG).

Things were tough as neither my DS or DDiL have very well paid jobs so neither could give up work. However with the help of myself and tax credits to help with nursery fees they have managed okay. Sometimes even the best made plans go wrong and you just have to muddle through.

* nightowl* I would do the same as you to help my little family, I am considering back to babysitting in 4 weeks instead of the 6 weeks recommended, just hope I feel ok.

When we aimed for a mortgage the lenders would not lend on my salary only on DH's as the assumption was I would have a family and therefore stop working for several years. To many young families they get a massive mortgage and then are in a mess when they have a child and don't factor in childcare. Both my DDs spend enormous chunks of earnings on childcare. I didn't have children to put them out for other people to bring up and have been very unimpressed with some of the childcare I have seen. My DGS had had pneumonia and some weeks later I went to pick him up from the childminder and he had been put in a pushchair in the garage. This was winter and he had had pneumonia and this was a highly praised and recommended childminder.

No etheltbags you must look after yourself! No one could expect you to put your health and recovery at risk, and I'm sure your family wouldn't want that.

mcem - thanks for your post, I agree, children are the responsibility of both their parents, and father's are certainly not "baby sitting" for the children's mother if they are caring for their own children.

I feel this thread is taking an unpleasant anti working parents/mother tone, something grandparents would be better to avoid where possible. These are very different social and economic times than they were when mortgage lenders assumed women would soon have children and give up work, so would lend only on one salary (i.e. the man's). I'm in the north west, where property and rental is so much cheaper than in the south east. It's still difficult for young families to manage without two incomes. The Scandinavian countries don't have this bias about women working, they seem to function with good child care provision and parents much more likely to share child care responsibilities. what's not to like?

Iam64 the key words are good childcare provision. If we had nurseries where the childcare was provided by really well trained staff not some of the ones I've seen. I've been into plenty of nurseries and generally felt I wouldn't want my child in any of those. I've also had to keep quiet when faced with taking and collecting on behalf of DDs.

why cant they have government run nurseries from age one year upwards. the government want all women to work and pay into the system.
This would create jobs and give the little ones a good start, as long as it was not compulsory it would work and it would have to be free of course paid for by the taxpayer. The economy would benefit in the long term as the children would be more receptive to education when arriving at school.

I believe this is what they do in scandanavian countries.

I couldn't start work when I came back to UK after 5 years in Kenya. No-one in those unenlightened days would have taken on a teacher who was 5 months pregnant (planned). We were able to afford a mortgage on ex's salary and it wasn't until DS2 was about 20 months that I started teaching evening classes which was an excellent solution. That gradually became substatial part-time work in FE and AdEd which helped to keep the wolf from the door. Eventually, I achieved a full time job, but nothing like I could have had if I'd continued to work full time when bringing up the boys. Nor do I have a full teacher's pension because all that FE part-time work was not superannuable. But...on the plus side, I have a great relationship with my DSs and their partners.

What seems even harder to find are pre/after-school centres that take children to school and pick them up again. Our daughter has found a good one that looks after both her children, but they are far and few between. Without that, she would not be able to continue her job.