Gransnet forums


About to become a Gran

(38 Posts)
Georgiegirl14 Tue 04-Aug-15 23:20:40

My DIL is now in labour with our first DGS. I always imagined feeling excited, thrilled and full of joy. Instead I'm feeling anxious, reflective and struggling with being told when we will have visitation rights! They lived 200 miles away and have very set views about how they want to do things including us staying in a hotel rather than them at least for the first two weeks. Any advice would be gratefully received

Alea Tue 04-Aug-15 23:39:20

Go with it! In a hotel you will at least get a decent night's sleep. It's their first experience too and the move from couple to parents can be daunting. Be patient, you will be on " granny duty" before you know where you are. In the meantime, good luck with the nerves, it can be an anxious time for grannies!!

Nanabelle Wed 05-Aug-15 00:48:13

Congratulations and welcome to the wonderful world of grandparenting. When I had my first child I was in hospital for two weeks! Not so in these days, but I wouldn't have wanted to have any one staying in our house in the early weeks - new mums and dads need those precious early days and nights to concentrate on their baby. It will be lovely to visit, but then leave them to have lots of rest!!!
Hope you are able to see your new family member fairly often, but 200 miles is a long way! Thank goodness for Skype/facetime - at least we can see them.

Georgiegirl14 Wed 05-Aug-15 08:43:52

Thanks Alea and Nababelle. It's very true about the time we had in hospital with very restricted visitors. We had time to concentrate on the baby and by the time we went home were at least a bit more confident

AshTree Wed 05-Aug-15 09:05:19

Congratulations Georgiegirl, such a wonderful world is opening up for you! When I had my first baby it was lovely having visitors, friends and family, neighbours and so on, who popped in with cards and gifts. They would want a cuddle with the baby, even if I'd just settled him after a feed. I loved all this of course, proudly showing him off, but it was exhausting and impossible to establish any sort of routine. I longed for the evenings, when there would be no more visitors, and my DH was home from work to help and support me (no paternity leave in those days!)

The thought of having even close family actually staying with us at that time would probably have reduced me to tears, so I do understand your DiL asking that you stay in a hotel when you visit. And as Alea said, you will at least get a good night's sleep!

Enjoy your new GC - 200 miles isn't so daunting a distance these days, so you should be able to visit regularly. And there is always Skype!

Jane10 Wed 05-Aug-15 09:26:00

Has the baby arrived yet? The other Grans have said just what I would have re staying over. Why not check out local hotels and B and Bs to find one you might like for future reference? Looks like you could be a regular guest. Anyway welcome to Grandparenthood!

Georgiegirl14 Wed 05-Aug-15 09:34:45

Thanks both, think I'm just feeling emotinal about everything , even my little boy (38 and 6'3) becoming a dad which is ridiculous��. No Jane10 they are just on the way to be induced as nothing happened overnight

Luckygirl Wed 05-Aug-15 09:34:51

Good luck - let us know when baby arrives - so exciting!

Mums leave hospital so quickly these days that they are in no fit state to cope with guests staying over; and they are right to ration the number of visitors so that they can all get settled in and over the worst. Don't feel aggrieved about that or you will get off on the wrong foot. Find a hotel and enjoy the peace and comfort there - it means you can pop in and out for short visits that do not tire Mum, and you could do useful things like the shopping etc. Go with their timetable and you will be appreciated for your tact and understanding and that will be good capital in the bank on which to base your future relationship with this new family unit.

The balance between being interested/caring and overstaying your welcome is a fine one - I have recently done this, so it is fresh in my mind. When we visited our DD at home after the latest arrival, the place was full of people so we just wanted to stay a short while, but when we went to leave my DD said she wanted us to be there - we were the only people with whom she felt comfortable to be openly fat, flabby, sore down below, emotional, irritable etc. So we went with her flow and tried to find tactful ways to protect her from the onslaught .

Gagagran Wed 05-Aug-15 09:44:00

What a very sensible and thoughtful post Luckygirl and I agree with everything you said. Just as the new parents have to get used to their new role, so do we as grandparents and sometimes it's hard to remember that we are not the parents! Good luck with everything georgiegirl14 and fingers crossed for a safe arrival of the new baby. smileflowers

thatbags Wed 05-Aug-15 09:44:30

My parents lived 200 miles away when I had DD1. Actually, they lived 200 miles away when each of my DDs was born. DD1 was the first of their grandchildren so they were very excited. I had not expected to see them until the baby was a few weeks old, when I would travel down to stay with them for a visit.

My mum couldn't wait though, so they came up to Edinburgh and stayed in a B&B near the hospital for a night or two so they could visit me in hospital. New mums were kept in for five days back then and visiting times were restricted. I liked that.

I was delighted to see them but I wouldn't have wanted them staying at our small flat when I went trembling home with this new responsibility. It was sufficient to have my husband beside me and for us to quietly calm down and get used to the new life we were starting.

As others have said, just go with the flow. Don't take anything amiss. Emotions are in turmoil at this major change in young parents' lives. Give them space if that's what they want. They will appreciate it and love you better for being understanding.

Looking forward to hearing your good news! flowers

Nelliemoser Wed 05-Aug-15 09:53:52

Georgiegirl14 That does not sound unusual to me either. We are 50 miles away.We had "come and see the new baby asap, then leave us in peace" not quite in those words but you get the drift.
It an anxious time for grandparents.
We are all waiting to know how it goes, news of a grandchild on the way gets all us GNrs excited.

When I announced on here I had just become a Gran I was amazed at all the congratulations posted. I thought that as most posters are already Grans they would not see any one else's as something special.

Relax as much as you can.

aggie Wed 05-Aug-15 09:57:38

My DD2 insisted we stay with her when she had her baby , it was like walking on glass , we were really in the way . If I cleaned the bathroom she berated her OH for not doing it , if I sat down I was on her chair or she needed space , if I cooked it wasn't as she liked it . Recently I heard that she had told a friend that I was so helpful and kind !! I do wish I had not stayed with her though .She is coming to stay with me for a week soon and we will giggle over things , but not about that week

RedheadedMommy Wed 05-Aug-15 10:39:49

Everything Luckygirl said. Being induced is a long long long procedure and it can be horrendous and painful. Visitors are the last thing she is going to want.

RedheadedMommy Wed 05-Aug-15 10:43:42

*visitors staying over I ment!
Definitely visit with food though grin
And massive congratulations for when he is here.

Georgiegirl14 Wed 05-Aug-15 12:14:58

Thanks everyone,you've made me feel so much better. I'm so glad. I found this site. It's lovely to hear from others who have be there.My DS is a strong charecter and it can often feel like we are walking on egg shells with him. Added to the fact my ex husband is due to arrive in three weeks for a months visit and the two of them don't get on. So much so that my DIL has asked me to go with him every time he visits as she doesn't want to spend time with him - neither do I ��but I will for her
Thanks again ladies

Jane10 Wed 05-Aug-15 15:01:37

Can't wait to hear the good news when it comes!

Georgiegirl14 Thu 06-Aug-15 07:47:19

My beautiful grandson Freddie. Was born at 10.30 last night by c section weighing 9lb8oz. They discovered he was breech. Mum and baby are well and DS is ecstatic. We've had lots of pics - thank goodness for modefn technology - and I'm madly in love ��

AshTree Thu 06-Aug-15 07:53:59

Oh massive congratulations georgiegirl. Welcome to the best club on earth. And welcome to dear Freddie (love the name).

Marmight Thu 06-Aug-15 08:04:41

Congratulations! flowers Freddie is a great name........

shysal Thu 06-Aug-15 09:01:28

flowers Congratulations! You have years of fun ahead.

Nelliemoser Thu 06-Aug-15 09:13:13

Georgiegirl14 Congratulations on your big new grandson. flowers

Maggiemaybe Thu 06-Aug-15 09:19:17

Wonderful news. Congratulations! flowers

Gagagran Thu 06-Aug-15 09:22:38

Good news and a lovely name for a lovely boy! (My DGS is also a Freddie so of course I love the name!). Hope he brings you much joy over the years to come. flowers

annodomini Thu 06-Aug-15 09:25:17

Congratulations, Georgiegirl. Joyful news and I can tell you are bursting with pride. You are going to have loads of fun with your Freddie. flowers

Jane10 Thu 06-Aug-15 16:31:17

Such nice news! Thanks for keeping us informed.