taken for granted

Hi marfin

Paid babysitters are easily found, so I don't understand that bit of your daughter's reasoning.

I would do no running after! I'd sit back and let it all unfold and hopefully cool down.

The difficulty is not being able to see your grandchildren e.g. for the child's third birthday. Perhaps just pop in on your own with a gift. Give yourself a break too!

My husband is very involved with his golf club, he would be furious if he had been messed around by a fickle daughter like this. She must understand that.

Thanks so much everyone. I've contacted her. Soontobe you've hit the nail on the head! We've been too quick to make the peace in the past , so often over the years that this was really the last straw . But it isn't the right time to be making life difficult. and the stress makes RA worse . I don't blame my hubby for being annoyed but he may have gone too far in his accusations of manipulation. 15 years of this attitude has worn him down. Both of us actually. Hopefully I'll get a positive response. If not I don't know what I'll do

Hi granny knot you're right of course but for my sake alone I've contacted her. Yes I did remind her what a great dad she has and as someone here said she has been spoilt. He has been a saint where other fathers would surely have lost their patience over the years. May be too soft actually. But well see how it pans out now .

Here's hoping

Thanks Anya

As she seems to have relied on you for a lot of baby sitting in the past I think she will come down to earth with a bump if she sticks to not wanting to see you. Other people are going to want a lot of organisation, or payment, or both. It doesn't sound as if this is something she's been used to.

Did you get to the birthday party?

Deeda she hasn't been used to this no. ANYA we did go but only stayed a while. She was perfectly normal. Have me a kiss when I walked in. But I can't overlook the awful threats this time. Don't know where it will all lead . But I've had my grandson for two days so she clearly isn't going to carry out her threat .

So pleased about the birthday party marfin

I hope things can settle down a bit now.

Thanks Anya. I've got the kids today and overnight . He husband asked us if we could have them all weekend Friday to Monday a treat for her 30th. But we said no but compromised and agreed one night. So much for her never wanting to see us again!!! If it wasnt so sad and hurtful it would be laughable really. I'm determined to make her realise that there's consequences to her actions. This time it was missing out on a 3 night treat away from the kids. Even if she doesn't realise that's the reason it makes me and my husband feel better.

Hi marfin41

I always told our DS and DIL the dates we wouldn't be available to babysit well in advance.

DIL and I get on well.

Your DIL has probably taken you for granted. Why not suggest a coffee together or, clothes shopping together with maybe lunch after. That way you're only two women shopping and eating, while you ensure chat is kept light.

Don't allow a schism between the pair of you which will badly affect your son. He won't thank you for putting him in awkward position. Then of course there's Christmas looming. Think ahead, think clever.

Oh wow. What a mess! I'm so sorry! I hope this all blows over soon.

I don't blame DH for being angry, but if only he had stuck to the issues - the late cancellation and how DD treated you - and not made accusations! But I know people don't always think when they are angry.

He needs to apologize for that if he wants to see the grands again any time soon. If he doesn't care to do it for himself, he should do it for you. I think Falconbird is right that your DD will come around, after a while. However, it might happen sooner if he makes a sincere apology.

I hope you were able to attend GD's party on Sunday, after all. If not, I know it may be hard for you to turn around and say, "Of course, we'll babysit." If you do, you may discover that DD is no longer interested, unfortunately. It's worth a try, I think, but you may end up having to wait till DD reaches out to you again.

If it helps at all, I'm another one feels that AC often try to take advantage. At some point, you'll have to let DD know that you and DH have your own lives and need to be asked in advance. Now is obviously not the time though.

Also, Falcon, I don't think you're "selfish" at all. Please shrug that stuff off.

Hello wendysue it's awhile since I posted and wasn't sure what I'd said but I read it back.

I love your phrase "shrug it off," it will now be my watchword.

The thing is that DD's, in my experience , can run you ragged with their ups and downs on the child minding fronts, always, in my experience, behaving as if you have nothing of importance to do (you probably haven't! but that's not the point!) and are just sitting waiting to be summoned or cancelled at a moment's notice!
Any protest is an immediate rearup, making one feel selfish, mean and generally wrong footed, which I find very trying.
My DH had strong words with DD recently, which has of course caused bad feeling and is being difficult to reconcile. Not good, but quite honestly if I'd spoken to my parents the way she sometimes speaks to us, to say that we would have been less than welcome in their home is an understatement as they simply wouldn't have put up with that sort of attitude! But I suppose years ago parents of whatever age were treated with respect, whereas today they appear not to be!!

Hi back, Falcon! Glad you liked my phrase!

You know, niggly, I don't know if it's so much that we're not respected today as that young people have a lot of confidence in themselves. That's good, of course, but sometimes it goes too far!