Uninterested Granny

My own mother was a dreadful mother really, she ended up with four daughters who had to drag themselves up the best they could. However even I do get wistful at times and wish she had been a better grandmother, I really do understand your longing for that relationship. I think that of all my sisters, I have been the only one to be able to accept my mother for what she is - - a truly unmaternal being who coped the best she could with children she didn't really want in the first place. It still doesn't stop me from wishing on occasion that she had been different.

What you have to do is what I do - thank heavens for the two wonderful mother-in-laws I have had. I have never lived close by to them, but the children have been thoroughly spoilt when we have managed to get together. Stay friends with yours, my mother was definitely better with my children once they were more interesting, had their own ideas and could converse intelligibly. She will help you out as a friend, not out of duty to her grandchildren.

I suspect your Mil was shattered after her journey, if she only stayed for one night. Travelling tires me, too. I think you would be better off renting a house near to her for a week, as a holiday. That way she could form a bond with your child while not having to work with it, let her have a day in between each visit to recover. I don't know where you live in Sweden, but travelling of any kind can be pretty challenging if the weather isn't great.

Babies leave me pretty cold, even my own DGCs. Toddlers are better, very funny, but now mine are 7 and 4 I love them far more. It's so hard to have a good conversation with your own DD or DS when there is a small child around, it can be very frustrating.

Eloethan I agree. To feel your only being asked to help, not just that the DD or DIL wants to see YOU is very hurtful. However Mishka I totally understand how you feel. I'm sorry your MIL doesn't want to travel to you occasionslly. My niece has a husband who works away and it can be a very lonely life. Maybe you could ask your husband to ask her to visit . But unfortunately if she is the kind of grandparent who doesn't want to be involved in a hands on way, there's not a great deal you can do about it except hope she changes her stance in the future ��

Just a thought but are you (subconsciously maybe) trying to heal a rift in the relationship between mother and son? Only putting this forward as my DIL decided early on in her relationship with my eldest that he didn't have the sort of relationship with his mother that he should have (in her opinion) and felt bound to "mend it". It didn't actually need mending as we had spent thirty odd years honing our relationship and were quite happy with the status quo, but she was young, keen, enthusiastic and full of high ideals. Just a bit of a twist on the subject - forgive me if I'm completely off mark.

I presume your parents do not live in Sweden Mishka, in which case I sympathise with you. It must be hard to be a long way from your own family and I can understand that you would want your son to build a relationship with his grandparents, apart from hoping for a little support now and then. I find it strange that his grandmother did not want to celebrate his first birthday with the family; perhaps there are some deeper issues. I think you have been a little harsh Bags

Well really remember the quote from the bible cast not your pearls.........
Just put an ad in somewhere asking for a surrogate Granny figure. Vet her well and you will be amazed. My grandchildren are at the other sides of the world and I am a surrogate. There are many lovely, lovely grannies who have a void in their lives. Please don't waste your precious love and time. My MIL was not very helpful. There is usually a jealousy factor involved. They can't bear to think of their sons loving another woman other than them (Quite sad actually)
At present I am in San Francisco for five weeks to help my daughter I law with her third baby.
I was determined d that no Daughter in law suffered rejection as I did when younger.

Still wondering about the father-in-law. Only because my parents-in-law, except for once when fil dropped in for a cup of tea on his own because he was in town for a meeting, always visited together. One can't assume coupledom nowadays, I know, it's just I found it surprising he wasn't even mentioned.

I was just thinking like janerowena that it could be a good idea for you to travel to your MiL.
Maybe you, DH and DS could have a family outing one weekend, calling in for an hour or two (asking first if it's suitable, of course).

Valeriecouglin that's a very sweeping statement "they can't bear to think of their sons loving another woman other than them" and I'm afraid that it's not always/usually the case. All most of us want is for our sons to be happy

Totally agree yogagran. Just happy my son is happy. No jealousy at all.

I do envy those who had Grandparents and whose mothers and MILS were part of their GCs lives.

My MIL made her feelings on me and her GCs very clear - she really didn't want to know at all, despite living only 5 minutes walk away. I think she babysat once for two hours and was standing at the gate with her coat on when we returned (early evening, children in bed and asleep before she arrived, so not as if it was late!)

My mother told me when I when I was pregnant with DC1 on no account to expect her to look after the children at all, they were my responsibility and she didn't want to know. I was stunned and pretty upset. Even more so when she had my sisters' children at the drop of a hat from day one.

I guess you have to accept your MIL's stance and continue to engage with her. Perhaps she'll change as your dc grows up.