Estranged Grandparents .

Riclorian that is fantastic news and give us all hope.

How kind of wendysue like yogagirl thank you.

After 7 long years of trying all we can have take. Professional advice to step back. I never thought of it from that angle that we. Wed to protect ourselves it does affect your health.

Shadow did you never reconile with your daughter?

Hi Wendysue.

The cousins meeting is up to the parents - I totally agree.

Falcon, just a thought - I understand why you would love to see all your GC get together. I would feel the same way in your shoes. However, please remember it's not your job to make that happen. It may be wisest to just enjoy your relationship with each DS and GC, as it is, and not try to influence their relationships with each other.

Yoga, I think it's a great idea to just keep the cards, etc., to give to your GC, later, if they ever reach out to you. I also hope that you and other EGPs here each have a FB page, so your GC can more easily find you, if they are so inclined, when they are older.

Thank you for the Hug wendysue
Falconbird so sorry for the !loss of your dear husband. Your boys lossing their dad must have been traumatic for them and sadly your youngest reacted adversely. How wonderful to get a txt in the middle of the night like that, telling you of your new GC.
for all

When I did have their address and posted Xmas,Easter & birthday cards to my beloved GC, they would be posted back through my letter box, all ripped up :'( I've kept them, so one day, maybe...

Thank you Riclorian Sadly I can only put cards in their gifts sack, as I don't have their new address, they still !I've just 5mins away though. I opened savings accounts for them, so Xmas and birthdays I put a money gift in.

I've just about managed to fix my broken family after my dh passed away over 3 years ago.

My youngest son took his dad's death very badly and thought that me and his 2 older brothers had "taken against him." He cut himself off completely and no-one heard from him for over 18 months.

During that time I found out where he lived (he had moved house) and sent numerous letters and postcards but there was no reply.

When his baby was born I received a text in the middle of the night. I cried with joy as you can imagine.

I have seen the baby a few times now but my younger son will have nothing to do with his brothers even thought the eldest has just recovered from life threatening cancer.

I won't give up. I keep in touch my e mail and keep the door open. I have 2 other grandchildren and I would so love to see the 3 cousins together but this is a distant dream.

I will be 70 next year and I may ask them to reconcile with each other but to be honest I don't hold out much hope for that, although all 3 of them are remarking on the fact that I'm getting older. My mum lived to 90 but from 83 on wards she had a dementia.

Everyone deals with this sort of situation in their own way but I'm tenacious and hope that one day the brothers will all be friends again as they once were. My dh would have been devasted if he had known that his passing would cause all this trauma but it happened and I'm hoping to make it better again.

Best wishes to all in similar situations.

Thanks for explaining further, riciorian. However, I should have caught the term "ex-daughter-in-law" in your first post. That explains a lot. I suppose you lost contact with your GC cuz your XDIL no longer felt any connection to you and DS either didn't get visitation, somehow, or XDIL didn't go through with it. You should have been able to see the boys during DS' visiting time, but, obviously and sadly, he didn't have any. Heartbreaking! But glad your GSs are back in your life now.

Meanwhile, my heart goes out to everyone here who is or has ever been denied access to their GC! How painful! It might not help much but sending you all (((hugs))).

Thanks Alea, calm and well informed advice in the post. I agree with th suggestion to talk to a therapist who can help those of us struggling with emotions that can be over whelming to find a way forward.
It's important to acknowledge that some people can feel safer emotionally or physically not having a relationship with a family member.

I hope you will forgive me reposting a comment I posted on the "other" thread, because I know not everybody looks at it, regarding it as being perhaps more restricted to a smaller "personal" group.

A good article in the Telegraph "Stella" magazine today on Christmas for broken families. It reiterates much of what has been said here, but also (in the main article) tries to give a fresh perspective too.
www.Telegraph.co.uk/stella

How to fix a broken family
Talk to a therapist
Unlike a well-meaning friend, a therapist won’t judge you or take sides,’ says Christine Northam, a Relate family counsellor (relate.org.uk). ‘They’ll see the situation from your perspective and help you find a way forward
Let go of blame
Instead, try to understand how the situation arose,’ says Northam Understanding helps diffuse anger
Know your rights
If you’re a grandparent (or parent) being denied access to children, know your legal rights. ‘Grandparents are increasingly being cut out of grandchildren’s lives in bitter divorces. Seek legal advice or try a support group for estranged grandparents.’ One to try: grandparents-association.org.uk
Leave the door open
If you want to reconcile, write a letter or send an email,’ says Northam
‘Explain that you want to make up and even if you don’t get a reply any time soon, you’ve left the door open for a future reconciliation
Don’t get others involved
Explain the situation to other family members, but don’t try to get them to take sides,’ says Northam, adding that this will just cause new cracks within the family or cause existing ones to deepen
Look after yourself first
If you feel happier and safer (emotionally or physically) not having a relationship with a family member, then know that’s OK,’ says Dr Blake. Becca Bland adds that most of the people in Stand Alone’s latest study felt there were positive aspects to being estranged

Hello yoga girl , one grandson was 11yrs and the other was 7yrs .Both quite grown up now ,we missed so much of their childhood but we will all look forward to the future now .I know exactly what you are going through , I cried inwardly for 14 yrs .Please hang on ,dont give up hoping ,I am sure your granddaughter will become curious one day and want to discover her roots .In the meantime stay incontact if you can via cards etc even if their is no reply that way sne will know that you are there and still care .Good luck .I am thinking of you .

riclorian
Your grandchildren must have been small when you were 'cut out' if it's been 14yrs! How old were they then?

Sign the petition Shadow Too late for me sadly, I shared on FB and asked all to share too. If it had been around when I was first 'cut out' I could have then continued seeing my beloved GC, but 3yrs on it's too late there should be a crying face on this page :'-(

I renewed my 'Will' today, making sure my estD&S do not inherit. I've asked for the words "Devoted Mother and Grandmother. Died of/with a broken heart" to be put on my Gravestone. If I'd have known when I was first 'cut out' in Nov 2012 that in Nov 2015 I would still be 'cut out' I think I would have put myself out of my misery. Fourth Xmas coming up, how can you be happy. I always loved Xmas before all this

Thank you Ricorian for sharing your good news, yes it's heartwarming to hear, but having to wait till they have grown! I had to stop myself from crying.
Shadow my story is the same as yours(brainwashing). My daughter & granddaughter lived with me, we had a very close and loving special bond. My granddaughter loved me as much as I loved and adored her, I chose her name, I was the second person to hold her after her birth (father not in the pic) and she was named after me, her middle & last, them being my only names made it very special. I loved and adored my daughter too.
Then my daughter met her now nasty husband. He lived with me too, for about 6mnths, I had no problems with him and didn't know he had a problem with me until I was cut out! My granddaughter's stepdad even took the poor little mites name away and replaced it with his grandmothers, her being no relation to my granddaughter what-so-ever! His mother (my D m.i.l) even sent me emails telling me what a wonderful time she was having watching my GD grow up and how she and her son would make sure I never see her again! Reason? Jealousy!

Into the fourth year now and I am still in trauma, I still cry each and every day, my eyes don't tear but my heart cries buckets :,-(

I had a similar experience for about a year so know the heart wrench involved. Grandparents don't have legal rights as several posters have said.
When I volunteered in an access centre it was stressed that it actually was the child's access to their parent, not vice versa, which was paramount.

Ricorian, what wonderful news, seeing your beloved grandchildren again,also for your son to be part of their lives. So many partners use their children as weapons and hopefully when the children grow up they will make up their own minds. You kept the lines of communication open with cards and gifts, I have known people keep things sent to themselves and not let the children know how much they are loved, but one day they will find out. I personally don't believe in going to court for access, as even if it is granted the parent can make it so difficult for visits that it is do unfair on the children. You behaved with such dignity under heartbreaking circumstances and I am so very pleased for you. I hope that all those going through such a trauma, the strength to carry on and that one day justice will prevail.

I would be absolutely devastated to be isolated from my grandchild (and the one on the way).

But this is not something for the law - the law is a very blunt instrument when it comes to family relationships.

My heart goes out to you, Shadow, but forcing a relationship against the parents' wishes is a terrible position to put a small child in, who could only be affected very negatively.

The law is not a way of preventing cruel and controlling behaviour, at least not in these cases.

Hi everyone,
I wonder how many of you rely on Facebook to know how their grandchildren are doing through photos posted by their parents. I am one more grandma who rarely sees her grandchildren as the parents are always too busy to let me join in with leisure or family activities.

All 3 of my daughters tell people I am dead, so that they don't upset daddy dearest , with whom they live...he's been 'depressed' for the last 40 years so they can do as they like and no need to work etc as he hands over £ for a quiet life.

Thank you Jane

I hope you are reunited with him Shadows

Your right Jane but i have to do something and my petition probably wont change the law but at least i can tell my grandson I TRIED!

Shadows The problem then is that you are alienated from your daughter as well as your SiL - I think any law allowing anyone to see their grandchildren against both parents' wishes would just make that situation worse, and would be difficult to enforce.

My daughter has changed since she has been with her husband. I believe she has been brainwashed against her family. She does not have any friends now either. She lives near his family and these are the only people she see's.

Harrigran how do you mean it gives you cause for concern?