Guilty and looking for coping methods

I have every sympathy and would feel the same.

Perhaps you could have a go and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't. No one need know how you feel.

However, I do not see that there's any need for guilt as you haven't done anything wrong. No one would expect a man to change a four year old's nappies and not react in any way.

I'm glad some posters jumped in to defend the OP after others were so to judge.

SupernannyA something like the hypnotherapy idea might be worth a try before anything else, because as Anniebach says your grandson might pick up on the tension if you decide to just give it a go. You could just arrange an appointment quietly without anyone else knowing. Then after, perhaps you could offer to change him when his Mum is around and can give you any tips. I know it's no use saying don't feel guilty because that's how you feel, but maybe you can take small steps to changing those feelings. Good luck.

I had a sickness phobia. It controlled my life. What and where I ate, dettol everything in sight etc.
When I had children I thought I'd better get it sorted! Saw a therapist and I'm now cured. Even had a few sickness bugs and no panic attacks. Would recommend seeing someone if it's a genuine phobia.

Just before my grandson was potty trained he had a horrendous nappy. His sister was standing next to his head, well away from the active end, shaking her head and saying 'oh dear'. My gs was laughing and saying 'poooo'. I was trying to clear up and where was my husband? Out of the front door, down the driveway and into the street!

Sorry SupernannyA...that doesn't help does it?

A couple of the comments on here were very harsh, and one was beyond the pale. Thank goodness the supportive and helpful GNers were around as well. Good luck to you, SupernannyA. I hope some of the advice works for you and that you can have your DGS to stay. It obviously means a lot to the little chap.

Unless it is a genuine phobia then true super nannies bite the bullet and just do it. How do all these super sensitive people deal with things in an emergency situation I wonder

All children have accidents at times, I think I would have less problem with one contained in a nappy.

Supernanny must have a phobia - I agree with the suggestion to get it dealt with.

I do find it notable that I was never at all bothered by changing my own children's nappies, and I don't mind my grandson's either.

Nieces and nephews - a little bit more bothered.

But friend's children? I really didn't like doing it. Of course I did it, if I was looking after them.

I do think love has got a lot to do with it

A genuine phobia is a very debilitating thing. However, lots of people say they can't deal with bodily fluids, poo or blood and particularly needles. If you have had a serious illness the injections suddenly become bearable to help you get well. On I'm a Celebrity .... you see the contestants squealing and crying but they do eventually overcome most of their fears. Amazing what the human mind can do.

No-one is surprised when people faint at the sight of blood, their own or others', so it's reasonable that a percentage of people might have the same reaction to other bodily fluids. It seems to me that it's a real problem and not to do with how much someone is loved or not. It's a shame but you shouldn't feel guilty, Supernanny, I'm sure you have many other super qualities.

Is this a wind up? Where is Supernanny? Would someone presenting such a problem really call herself. that? Apologies if I have got it all wrong which is very possible.

I do wonder how the OP managed with her own young childrens nappies though.All children, even potty trained ones have accidents.
All phobias need sorting out, whatever they are, a hypnotherapist told a friend of mine that he could cure anything ' as long as the person really wanted to lose the phobia' ( the mind is a funny thing.) If it isn't an actual phobia and just a dislike, then the OP is losing out as having a DGC to stay over is wonderful for them and also for you.

I did think the name was rather an irony!

Supernanny - you never know , you might be able to start training him, perhaps his parents haven't bothered, thinking he can't be trained? You trained your own children.
At 4 years, the best way is to sit him on the toilet after a meal, or whenever you find his system is working.
On a reasonable diet , he should only have one bowel movement a day.
I once looked after a friend's 6 yr old Downs girl for a weekend, and was floored when she soiled her nappy after a meal. But had to cope!

I'm still cleaning the bottom of my 9 year old disabled grandson when he stays with me. He doesn't wear a nappy now except for bed but his undies are usually slightly dirty. He worries about it but the staff at his (special) school have a great get it done quickly way with him and if they can do it I'm sure I can too. My DH also does it without fussing. It's important to keep him clean, my DD has always been good at caring for him. It's not easy as he doesn't always cooperate.
We would like not to do it but he so looks forward to being with us, we just do it.

I was a nurse for over 40 years, and had to find ways of overcoming certain body fluids that were always difficult for me. Get some tee tree oil and dab it under your nose, you will smell that rather than whatever it is that's putting you off.
Imagine that you feel OK about it, and act as if you do. No harm in wearing disposable gloves.
I think you will feel so much better about the whole situation if you develop strategies for coping, rather than letting your guilt eat away at you.
Good luck!

What good advice Lynn. I do wear gloves and will try the tee tree oil. Thank you.

I think it depends how much you want your grandson to stay we all have to bite the bullet at sometime and do things we don't like.

Sorry to hear about your problem . The trouble is feeling guilty just isn't helping is it? You don't feel any better , neither does one disabled little boy !

I'm a firm believer that some things in life...well you just have to suck it up and get over it.

I'm totally phobic about the dentist but I know I have to go ...can't complain about the pain of toothache if it's because I was too afraid to go to the dentist.

Perhaps stop feeling guilty and work out coping strategies because your little grandsons disappointment is really your responsibility. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but it's true. Look at his little face and find some strength to deal with the few moments of unpleasantness , think how much joy both of you will get from time together . Good luck!

I think if I was in this situation I would ask his mum if I could watch her do it, just to give me the confidence. I shouldn't think he would be as wriggly as a little toddler. They roll into it as I remember!

My nearly 3 year old GD was with us all day today and she was "running a bit rich" as they say; she is fully potty trained, but had a bit of an accident, so I was up to my eyes in it today. The important thing for me was that she did not feel bad about it. The phrase I use when requesting a view of the filed of action is: "Bum in the air like you just don't care!" - that makes 'em smile!

I feel you should not be made to feel guilty for finding something difficult and hard to deal with This is a very individual and personal thing. It does NOT mean you don't love your grandson as much as other grandparents. Take it slowly. Do as much as you feel comfortable with and try to expand it when you can. Might take a bit of time but who knows where it might take you. Good luck.

Not exactly on thread but it reminded me of when our DGD was born 3 1/2 years ago. If I looked after her for a length of time and changed her wet nappies then when I did a pee, the smell was exactly the same as her nappy ???

If there was an emergency you would have to do it. So bite the bullet and just think of that lovely little boy and how happy it would make him.

I used to be terrified of spiders, would sleep downstairs rather than deal with one in the bedroom. When I had a son I made the decision that I would deal with it. When the situation arose, I got a heavy glass and cardboard, caught the spider and with my son, released it into the garden. All the time my heart was pounding and I was praying, just let me do this. It got easier, still don't like them and get nervous. Living on my own now I have had to get rid of a lot of spiders and always reward myself with a tipple or chocolate.

So you can do it. He needs his nan, do it just once and pretend to him it's no big deal, in time it won't be. Good luck.

My DH was doubly incontinent for the year before he died, and because I was nursing him at home, with help from visiting carers twice a day, it sometimes fell to me to, " do the necessary."
Believe me, I was not at all confident of the strength of my stomach. But I needed to do all I could to keep my dear man out of a nursing home. The carers taught me a few tricks of the trade.
It gets a bit graphic now, so please go to the next post if squeamish.
Your DGS will probably use pull-up pants, and the trick is to rip/cut the pants down both sides, and roll the pants up, thus containing the contents.
Synonymous's comments about being well prepared were spot on.
Have everything to hand, including disposable small , square , waterproof sheets, sold in most chemists. A spray-on hand sanitizer is also essential., even if you are using latex gloves.
I also kept a bowl of water, sitting on the window-sill, with essential lavender oil in it.
If everything you need is at hand, the changes can be over at lightning speed!
Do try to go for it Supergran. Really earn your username, and be proud of your fortitude. Your family will be so proud of you too.
Be strong, and be there! Good luck.