toddler tantrums

btw I meant to add that as DGD was on the way home she said, ' you're a super grandma'. That meant more to me than winning the lottery. priceless.

GS2 who is just three tends to finish arguments by saying "I love you Granny" with an angelic smile. Works every time!

She won't starve - honestly! They never do. Offer her a meal (in fairness something that you know she likes) - if she doesn't want it then just take it away and get on with the afternoon's activities. Ignore her refusal completely. If she announces she is hungry later then just place the meal back on the table. No messing - don't let her manipulate you. No snacks etc.

It seems commonplace these days to ask children what they would like to eat and then provide it. I wonder if this makes the children into picky eaters? My mother used to decide what we were having, cook it, and put it in front of us. We usually ate whatever it was as we were always hungry. I mostly did the same with my two but my DD did go through a phase, when she was about two, of eating only apples, cheese and yoghurt. This phase lasted about 6 months but as it seemed quite a healthy diet I let her get away with it. She is now 37 and has never needed a tooth filled and I do wonder if that is due to the diet she chose at a young age.

Ignore tantrums and controlling behaviour (as long as the child is safe!!) and give plenty of extra attention to you DGD when she is behaving well!

No toddler or pre-schooler has starved themselves!
suggestion Prepare what you know she really likes for lunch, even if it is toast and jam, for a few meals to break the habit of her being able to scream and yell and take control of you.
Then after a couple of days add a couple of extra (little) things (to whatever it is she will eat) and expect her to eat them before a 'treat' dessert. e.g a few(not a packet!) chocolate buttons. Do not give her the treat unless she has eaten the small plate of food you expect her to eat.

I found my DGS went through a refusal phase so I gave him all his lunch at once: cheese sandwich, chopped apple, carrot sticks and yogurt. He ate it all in the order he chose which was often yogurt first!

They can be so contrary though - I served DGD a very small portion of sprouts (cut in half) with her dinner. She announced 'my sister likes these but I don't quite emphatically. I said, that's OK, you can leave them. She ate them.
The next time I gave her sprouts (a couple of weeks later) she said 'Oh, I love these' and left the carrots which were the only vegetable she would eat a few weeks ago (apart from peas).

So true, Jalima

NotTooOld, yes I remember it was like that for me too, my gran looked after me and she was fierce and strict I had to eat what was put down or do without and I had to clean the plate too or I would get a long lecture on waste with maybe a clip around the ear. there were no choices in the 50s.

Must remember that with DGD, although her mother gives in frequently and asks her what she wants.

I remember DSIL asking toddler DGS what he wanted on his toast, when DGS could barely speak aged about 22 months.You don't ask, you give them the food that you decide they should have at a young age.

When he became articulate, as a small toddler, DS1 would stand up in his cot and shout 'Hungy, Mummy, hungy!' When asked what he wanted for breakfast, it would be,'a egg and a owinge' which was fine by me as that's what I was planning to give him.

Before he became properly articulate, DGS sat in his high chair, looked at his nice plate of scrambled egg and toast then winged it across the room.
The dog enjoyed it though.

I don't think children love you more because you let them have their own way. Children with rules are much happier than children without them. I have many examples of very young children who could easily work out who was a soft touch and who wasn't. It was explained to me many years ago that a child with no rules is running free and doesn't know which way to go but a child with rules was as if it was walking along a path with boundaries and as a result felt more secure.

My youngest GC eats everything except melon and I think this is because no one has ever made a fuss about food. The others have lots of things they don't eat when with their mother but very few when with their father. Children learn from an early age how to manipulate!

We always gave them their meal and if they didn't eat it they saw us put it in the bin. There was only watery drinks then until the next meal. I wouldn't give fruit or milk as that could assuage their appetite. We never made a fuss or tried to persuade them to eat. Of course if they did eat their meal there was always something nice to follow but still no comment.

I've never forgotten the day a health visitor found me in a howling heap trying to force food into my Daughters mouth ( she was a very fussy eater)
The health visitor said: No child ever staved it's self.
This is the 6 yr old who came home Friday with the knees in her tights cut.
She told my Daughter that she wanted to be a teenager!