Sounds as if your DiL would benefit from some helpful guidance on what is expected of her. Eg school uniform, appropriate clothing, level of supervision, playing out. She may just not know what her responsibilities as a parent are here, especially if she is used to having servants. She may even be grateful for the information.
If you are willing you could arrange to do some activites with your GD at weekends, at prearranged times, explain to DiL that that is what other families do and what children need.
Could she do some kind of child development class / read a book about it?
If social services had ever become involved for any reason I think they would have taken a dim view of lack of supervision and activity - signs of neglect.
Good Morning Good Friday 29th March 2024
How do you acknowledge Easter.
Is anyone interested in the terror attack in Moscow?
Exploratory Essay Help: Navigating the Uncharted Territory of Writing