How to deal with the devasting news ref a much loved grandchild

Sorry to hear about that Cathmary.
What about the other two grandchildren? Are you allowed to see them?

They might change their minds in another two weeks, so do not despair.

oh what terrible news. I am trying to think about I how I would behave if it were my daughter and her child. I think if I were the mother I would shut myself off in order to try and hold myself together for the child's sake. Dear Cathmary try to see it like that try to forgive them that they feel they can only cope if the family is alone in their pain.
You and your DD are close and she will need you later, and you need support as well. Is there noone you can turn to. Your daughter cannot comfort you it is just too much for her.
Thinking about you -what a tragic end to a short life.

Give them time to come to terms with the shock. They are really suffering at the moment and seeing your pain and anxiety will only add to their anguish.

You say you have always had a close relationship with your daughter so I'm sure she will reach out to you when she feels ready.

So sorry to hear of your heartbreak but try to stay strong and don't think about your future relationship with your daughter just take one day at a time.

I agree with Jen - they need to get used to the idea of her being so ill first. Are you able to maintain phone contact with the family!? That news is just so devastating for you all - we can do nothing to ease your pain but i shall think of you and hope that you may find that thing change.x x x

Thank you all for your thoughts....yes I think she will turn to me when she is ready..they are still in shock....we talk on the phone, so that is a blessing. I know I can stay strong..that is what Mums do best !!!!i

I have no words....... So sad.

How awful for you all. What a dreadful thing to have to face.

I wonder if some grief counselling might be useful. I think it might be able to help you know how to help your daughter. Sometimes we think we are saying and doing the right things but we aren't actually helping in the way we think. It would be a good thing to try.

Don't be strong all the time, you need to look after yourself as well.

How unbearable for you all. The others have said all the wise things. I'm sure your daughter will come round once she's assimilated the shock. She may not even be able to speak about it right now. All she can say is every parents worst nightmare so they maybe need a chance to be left alone for a while. You poor poor thing. I'm so sorry to hear about this awful thing. Very best wishes.

At least you are still talking on the phone. Try to stay calm and strong when you talk to her and she may accept you as someone she can depend on not to be another person she has to support but someone who can give her strength. I can't begin to understand what you are all going through - my heart and thoughts go out to you

This is so sad and you must just stay strong for your DD. She wants to be the one to be close to her child in this time of crisis. Your own grief had to take second place here and you have to keep it together for the family ??

How awful for you all having such a devastating diagnosis to cope with. As others have said they may need time to lick their wounds for a bit and just huddle together as a little family unit before being able to face other people and cope with their sense of sadness about it all too -even close family and friends. I'm sure as things sink in for them your daughter will welcome help, especially perhaps with for maintaining a routine for the other children which will be really important as the days go on. Try to be patient which, as I write the words, I know will be so hard to do when all you really want is to gather them all up in your arms and make it all better for her. Sadlly when things like this happen we can't fix it for them, which makes us feel even more wretched.

Depending on which hospital they are under they may be able to access good support from there e.g. from a Clic Sargeant worker, it may be worth checking out their website for info for you too. Also an organisation called www.cclg.org.uk who have various helpful publications for families. Thinking of you as you try to do the best you can for them all, I hope you have folk around to support you too it's important to care for yourself as you'll be in for the long haul here.

I really don't know what to say but I am so sorry to hear this sad news. I hope you will be able to spend some time with your Grandaughter. We all deal with problems in different ways and I am sure your daughter will need you soon.

So sorry, Cathmary. I can only begin to imagine what you are going through and cannot offer you any advice, only [hugs] and

I can't add anything that hasn't been said I can only send you a ((hug))

Sorry for your awful news. I'm sure that once your daughter is over the shock she will want your help again.

Cathmary, words fail me. I just wanted to send my and hugs. I can't add anything to what others have said, but my thoughts are with you. Make sure you look after yourself.

There are no words to make this better. So sorry for you and yours. As others have said, give them time.

How very sad - I am so sorry that this tragedy has struck your family.

They must be in shock and need some time to deal with this. I am glad that you and your DD are talking on the phone - you are supporting her in the way that she can best cope with at present. I can understand that it is hard for you to come to terms with - but they understandably may be so wrapped up in their own grief that it is very hard for them to understand that others are grieving too. They cannot deal with any others needs at the moment - but, give them time and they may feel differently. I can understand that they might be frightened that family might break down and that they do not have the means to cope with this.

I know how much you want to be there with your DGD and your DD and I would feel just the same. It must be agony for you. But I think you do have to accept their wishes at the moment and hope that they might feel differently at some stage. Their minds must be in such a tangle. They need that bit of space. How very hard for you to have to stand back. My thoughts are with you.

Oh Cathmary you poor thing. What is happening in your family is the very worst thing imaginable, the stuff of nightmares, and my heart breaks for all of you trying to come to terms with it. Your poor daughter . I can so well understand that she just wants to shut the world out. She has no idea how to deal with such unbearable pain - nobody would. I feel so sad for you, and I do hope that before long she will reach out and let you in again.

Oh, Cathmary, how heartbreaking! I don't know how you or the parents can bear it!

I agree with PPs (previous posters) and your DH (dear husband) and DS that you need to respect the parents' wishes. And that it's good that, at least, they're still communication by phone.

Right now, they probably feel that they have to draw close together. In time, if you give them the space they want and don't ask for more contact, etc., then perhaps they'll allow a little more leeway.

My heat is with you and yours. And I will keep you all in my prayers, if you don't mind.

It probably won't help but (((hugs)))

cathmary Heartbreaking news for you all. Give them some time.
I think I'd hide away too. ((((Hugs))))

I am so sorry to hear such heartbreaking news, I think perhaps they are still reeling from the horror, just as you probably are. This shutting themselves away isn't a rejection it's perhaps their need to gather their strength in order to cope with the coming months and deal with the inevitable upset and heartbreak of the wider family. I've no advice on how you can deal with this, I wish I did. All you can do is wait for your daughter to call and I'm sure she will and then each of you can hold on tight and ride this awful awful storm together. I know your husband and son are right but I hope they understand your pain and that you three can love and support each other. You must feel as if your heart is being wrenched out of your chest. I hope you find a little relief writing it down on here and perhaps from knowing that people care and those with much better insight than me can offer advice and comfort. I will keep you and yours in my thoughts

Cathmary that is dreadful news for you all. All I can do is to send virtual (((hugs))) your way. I think other's on here are right. Let the family come to grips with this themselves and be there for them.

cathmary so sorry for all that your entire family are having to cope with at the moment. When things are so raw the natural reaction is to withdraw and comfort each other and clearly it is all that your DD and DSIL can manage at the moment, to just be there for each other.

Just a thought you might consider which may even help you a little if you were able to do something similar for your DD and her little family. When I was not well and really not able for visitors I received a small parcel in the post from a friend with various small items inside. Some useful odds and ends, something to read, to listen to and to eat. There was nothing of any great moment on it's own but she had put some real thought into it and it was a lovely thing to have received and it made me smile. In a funny way it made me feel not so alone. Probably all your DGC will appreciate a little something just for them as will their parents so long as it is small and not OTT.

Look after yourself and the rest of the family and just be ready to help with a very light touch when required by your DD and her little family. & ((hugs))