Husbands unacceptable behaviour towards my grandchildren.

I would not allow it, tell him it is unnaceptable, he sounds like a odious bully. Your Grandchildren cannot stand up for themselves so you need to do it for them. Tell him his behaviour must change, and you will put up with it NO more.

This is a verydistressing situation for you. I agree with granjura, it would be best to act quickly. Get this husband out of the picture, put up with all the upset that will cause you now and think six months /year down the line when it should all be over and you will be back to having good relationships with your family. They will know you have put them first.

You poor soul, I really feel for you. To me it sounds like there is jealousy there too of your relationship with your grand children.
My advice is get yourself a lawyer or citizens advice on how to move forward, making sure you have taken care of number 1 first.

He sounds like my father. Your grandchildren will remember this and will not forgive you if they believe that you enabled it. It took me years to forgive my mother and at 63 I still sometimes have flashbacks and questions that I will never get answers to, like how could she not notice that he had given away all my toys.
He remarried and now abuses his wife and I think that if his verbal abuse of me had been confronted he might not now be doing it.
Bullying will affect everyone around you. Your son and DIL would be negligent to allow him to have contact with him and it sounds as if they are on the ball and will prevent that. That might mean having to cut you out too.
It sounds as if you will get plenty of support if you get shot of him and the earlier the better. You have given him two years and he clearly has no intention of changing.

Is he jealous and just wants to be the centre of your world without any distractions? Some people just can't cope with sharing. Although it seems the sensible thing to do would be to separate, this could be even more traumatic. No one can actually tell or advise you what to do, you have to make up your own mind.

You must leave him, for the sake of your sanity and of family unity.

Jinglebellsfrocks advice is good. do not let this drag on. Talk to your son, find out how to exit with your finances in tact. Citizens advice are helpful They have a good internet advice guide www.citizensadvice.org.uk/resources-and-tools/search-navigation-tools/a-to-z-of-advice/?h=separation&open=true

And will probably do a family relations half hour free surgery. Book in once you know your position re house and finance.

When he is in his own house and you in yours you may wish to reestablish a more informed friendship. he was probably keen on you because he wanted someone to look after him in his old age. The sight of you caring for grandchildren and expecting him to help care was too much. He does not want this and no ammount of therapy will help. This is my feeling.

I have nothing to add to the excellent advice/ comments of others, I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. A rotten, upsetting situation for you to have to face. Please let us know how it resolves.

I think you might be right, Craftycat, when you mention jealousy. As he knows the family don't like him and he is nasty about the GC to Miss2Mrs , it sounds as though he may want to drive a wedge between them and have her all to himself. What ever the explanation, I feel very sorry for the situation and don't think there's much chance of an improvement. Think of yourself and your family, Miss2Mrs, and I hope you can find peace and happiness again.

Sending you sympathy and hoping that you'll find the strength to move on without too much unhappiness.

I sympathise as my own 2nd husband - who has no children of his own -used to be a bit stern with GC but never nasty. They actually adore him. I didn't like to see him telling them what to do though as he had a temper & could be quite 'loud'-I don't do shouting at children ( well I did mine when they were young - didn't we all at times-but not GC!!)
He was diagnosed with Bi-Polar & once that all got under control he changed a lot for the better following some difficult years as he has been mis-diagnosed with Clinical Depression & the meds for that were making him worse,.
I am not making any excuses at all for your husband but could it be something like this or is it just jealousy.

Don't stay with someone who is not making you happy - life is too short & GC grow up so quickly you need to be able to enjoy them in peace..

It is difficult enough to sit down and discuss 'grumpy old man'behaviour (and this is it to the n'th degree) with a partner you have been with for many years .But with a fairly recent one.......Did no alarm bells ring when none of your family liked him?
.Something sems to get into a lot of men as they get older....feeling 'over the hill'maybe ?It's why a lot of my divorced or widowed friends wouldn't want to remarry .I think with a DH you have shared years of love and caring with it is possible to resolve In your case I'm not so sure .I'd he worried he'd turn on me next
I'd make sure you know your legal and financial position before rocking the boat

Kick him to the kerb, and as fast as possible!

Hugs for you Miss2Mrs - what a horrid situation to find yourself in. Only you can decide what to do but one thing to consider is what will your life look like in 2 years time or 5 or 10 years time if this bullying behaviour continues? If you don't like the look of that potential future life then you need to take some action now - even though it would potentially would be very hard and upsetting.
The actions could be from getting your husband to get professional help regarding his behaviour or asking him to go and stay with friends and relatives if your grandchildren are staying with you right through to finishing the relationship ....only you can decide this. But doing nothing is not an option with what you describe. best wishes

I am very sorry to read this and agree with all the previous commenters. How hard for you. My heartfelt sympathies.

What a horrible man! Get rid, as soon as possible.

Mrs2Mrs I think you have made the right decision to end this marriage. Please don't feel bad about it - it is not your fault. Many of us have made the mistake of marrying someone who appears normal when "courting" and only shows their true aggressive and/controlling nature once they feel they have power and can get away with it.
They don't tend to improve. They tend to be experts at wheedling a "second chance" so don't be fooled. The behaviour to the children may be driven by jealousy which is a common feature in the abusive men. I hope you have the support you need during this difficult period.

To be blunt why are you with this horrible man?...your family are more important than this angry man.
Get rid, your family will support you and live your life without him

Why the hell did you marry him? I wouldn't give him houseroom,the useless git.

(((Hugs)))

If you feel this is the onset of dementia, you need try to get DH to be checked out by his doctor. If it is dementia, be prepared for it to get worse/DH to get more belligerent. And you will clearly need to keep him away from your family, especially your GC, even if that means no more babysitting. But you'll also have to protect yourself by arranging for nurses or nurses aides to come to the house and so on. Though it's hard to leave someone with an illness, if there's no love left, you might want to get out, anyhow.

If it's just that he lacks patience with kids, it may be enough to keep him away from your grands/see your family without him. As PPs have said, the parents may not leave you much choice, anyway.

"... and doesn't care that this upsets and offends me."

But this part makes me feel that it's more than mere impatience. If he's not suffering from dementia, then it definitely sounds as if he has a bullying, abusive side to his nature. This, too, is likely to get worse with time. In that case, IMO, you need to leave, ASAP, no discussing it with him.

I hope you figure it all out soon.

I would very rarely advise someone to leave a relationship but I think you must consider it very seriously. Although you have known this man for a long time did you really know what he was like? My grandfather was enormously popular but was a monster at home. Bad tempered and not above beating my mother.

Your poor little grandson must be terrified of him now and i certainly don't think he'd be safe with the baby. If you intend to speak to him about it I would be careful how you do it - you don't know what his reaction might be. You must certainly sit down and discuss the situation with your family. See how they really feel, even suggest it might be the onset of dementia or depression and see what they think.

I have to say this is my biggest nightmare. My marriage came to an end 5 years ago and I am just coming to the point where I think I could move on if the right person came along. My darling grandson, aged 18 months, is the light in my life. I don't think I could expect a new partner to love him but I couldn't accept the situation if any partner didn't treat him with the care and concern we should show all children, regardless of who they belong to. I wish you luck in such a horrible situation xx

How horrible for you Miss2Mrs. I agree with everyone else who has posted on here. No one should behave like this to young children. It is not acceptable under any circumstances. I too would suggest you make it clear to him that you love your family, that they come first and he needs to reconsider his behaviour which was intolerable.

Does he have any children/grandchildren of his own? If so, how does he treat them?

If you are living in the house that was yours before marriage you should have no hesitation in telling him to go, his behavior is completely unacceptable towards to innocent young children.

If the house is both of yours then you may find it more difficult, even more so if it was his home that you moved into.

My thoughts are with you in this terrible dilemma you are faced with. I really hope you can work it out.

Throughout the day, my husband was getting frustrated and angry with him
It wasn't just the car incident though - it was all day long.
And then he drips insulting remarks into your ear about the other DGC.
He stomped off. Oh dear.

DH is more tolerant of the DGC than he was of the DC in fact.
He himself had a very nice step-father who married his DM when DH was 12 and he was very supportive of DH.