Husbands unacceptable behaviour towards my grandchildren.

I am afraid I simply wouldn't stand for it. My children/grandchildren would always get my vote, he would have to lump it, or bugger off.

Are you sure you want to be with someone with such an unpleasant nature? Bullying children is unacceptable. He won't change. You need to make a choice.

How long before he loses patience with you? Especially as you get older.

And you wonder why your family do not like him? Get out now.

Well after telling him in the strongest possible way that his behaviour is totally unacceptable , you must see the children without him.
I would have assumed that decision was already made by their parents.
What is his behaviour like towards you?
You have my sympathy.

I agree with both of the above, especially jingl's second comment.
He is, to me, asserting himself and establishing his "position" because he feels insecure, (I would liken it to peeing on lampposts, if he were a dog), but with a bullying character not far below the surface. Have you had no suspicions about this side of his personality before now?
I too would kick a man like this into the long grass.

He must have some redeeming features or you would not have married him but they sound to be well hidden. Has he changed since you met and married him?

The only way I can see this marriage surviving is either a drastic change in his behaviour, which I honestly think is unlikely, or your seeing your family on your own. Is that what you want?

I agree with all the above comments and would also suggest you read some the threads by grandparents who do not get to see their dgc.

A difficult decision for you to make but jings put it very well.

I agree with what's been said already but can't help wondering why the children had to got out of the car by you and your husband instead of by their parents. Why was your son just watching from a window instead of being there with his kids? Why did the baby have to be carried to its mother? Why didn't she come and get the baby out of the car herself?

I think this would be an alarming warning to you and you need to consider safety of yourself and your grandchildren.

That's a bit harsh on the parents-maybe son wasn't dressed, maybe the mum was cooking. Anyway I think all the comments about not putting up with his behaviour are right. Does he not realise that by hurting and criticising your grandchildren he is hurting you? Or is this perhaps what he really wants to do. Take care Miss2Mrs I hope you find a solution, above all keep your GCs and yourself safe.

Nothing I said was harsh, trisher. I simply asked. Reasonable questions, I think, when it has been stated that the OP's family does not like her new husband.

It's not harsh to forestall behaviour one doesn't like.

Another question: why was your husband there, miss2? Don't you drive? Couldn't you take your grandkids home without him?

I would rather be on my own than with a nasty cruel bully like that, although only you will know if he has any redeeming features.

And couldn't the four year old get out by himself and walk alongside you carrying the baby?

The whole situation sounds a bit odd to me.

And I still agree with what people said about bullies.

Fair enough thatbags I might have been a bit harsh myself! I do wonder if the son can't speak to the husband at all and is avoiding him. Mind you I wonder about them allowing the children to see someone they really don't like as well.

Thank you for your comments. Your are really reinforcing what I think I knew anyway. He is a bully. The marriage is over.
My son was doing DIY in a bedroom and didn't know we had arrived until he heard the ruckus. He could see that I had intervened. DIL again, didn't know we were there until I knocked the door with the GD, she was busy comforting her daughter and trusted us to look after her son.
It was pouring with rain, I was driving and getting out of the drivers door into a busy, steep hill - hence why I didn't want my GS to step, that's why I told him to get out of the other door.
It should be said that he has never behaved badly towards these particular children before, always been loving and supportive. It's my other grandchildren who have been the target of his nasty comments until now.
And, yes he has changed since I married him, none of this side was visible until afterwards.
I feel sick.

Your first priority must be the safety of the grandchildren. Bullies will often hide that side of their personality. He is starting by picking on your grandchildren, next it will be that he will try to control when and how often you see your family until you are completely dependent on him. Put a stop to it now. Tell him to change his ways or take a hike. If you are worried about confronting him have your son nearby for support.

I think you have made the decision yourself Miss2Mrs. You know that DC will not tolerate this behaviour towards their DC. You must do something about this man otherwise you will miss out with your GC.
Good luck. I know one or two men who were like this and when they settled into married life they became controlling.

Why would you risk losing your children and grandchildren because of a man you barely know?

I thought this was a very 'telling' sentence in your opening post Miss2Mrs

He insults all of them when we are alone together and doesn't care that this upsets and offends me.

It says it all doesn't it? I sympathise you are in a difficult dilemma but I would put my family above a newish relationship any time. I wish you luck and hope he can change his ways but I doubt it very much.

Just as well your son didn't rush down and intervene - if he had thumped him (tempting!) he would have been in trouble

Good luck

I'm afraid I agree with them all- nothing to add. How hard for you- but I think the sooner the better...