Potential 'gentle parenting' conflict

No - definitely not! Their child, their parenting. Unless they are beating the poor wee chap up or starving him then your job is to zip the lip. Find the thread on here about GPs banned from their GCs lives - you have been warned!

No, paola, I think you should keep well out of it. He's only 3, and has a lot of developing to do yet. I'm sure he'll turn out fine. But please don't risk falling out with your daughter. It may not even be her parenting style that's causing his reticence, but if it is criticism won't help. Tread carefully!

And, oh dear, if you think she might be reading this, perhaps you shouldn't be posting anything vaguely negative! Good luck!

No don't interfere. Some young children are like that till they reach school age especially when they don't have a sibling (or not yet). They are used to having mummy's full attention and too young to understand why that can't be all the time. My DGS is only 2 and yesterday he wanted to plop a stone in the drain and kept tugging me while I was talking to my neighbour saying "Granny not talk to Ella's Mummy". He does this with his Mumma too but she gently diverts his attention. I'm sure your DGS will blossom when he is older.

Yes, my DGS2 is two and doesn't like me chatting to Grandad too much when we're looking after him. He has started resorting to "Nana, stop talking!". DH says he sometimes wishes he had the nerve....

What everyone else said! Difficult though it is!

When we Skype our DS & GC, the children often wonder in and out of the frame, and often appear disinterested. I think it is just the way they are, far more important things to do than talk to grandparents, either in person or over the ether. We are both sometimes told by 5 year old GD 'don't talk, listen to me' sometimes even with a 'please' in front of the sentence, but not often

He is only three, an only child? and is presumably not used to sharing his mummy's attention.
I think it is more your husband's problem if this makes him angry. He doesn't seem to have much understanding of little children. Sorry!
DGS was a bit like this or would zoom past on his trike and refuse to speak to us on skype.
He is delightful now he is older.

Many thanks, all!

He sounds like a typical three year old to me. If you look at it from his point of view your skype calls are just a rather boring interruption to whatever interesting things he was doing with Mummy. Leave it go and I'm sure he will change as he grows up.

It's probably nothing to get worried or upset about. Children of that age can be quite possessive and also like to be the focus of attention.

Our grandchildren, who are nearly 4 and nearly 6, are still quite disruptive if a parent is focused on something else other than them, e.g. if he/she is on the telephone. I sometimes comment about this but if my contact with the family was solely or primarily via Skype I would want to keep it happy and positive - so I would say nothing.

Try having a phone conversation with any of my DC - it is impossible - one child or another is vying for their attention.

Interestingly my DC were good about that - OH was a GP taking medical calls when he was on duty and they cottoned on very quickly to the fact that they had to keep quiet.

Toddlers are the centre of their own world. They only know their own needs until around three years old when they begin to develop what's known as theory of mind, the ability to consider other people's feelings and needs. So give the lad a little time. Children develop at their own pace. Remember when your own were little and tried to prise mummy and daddy apart if they had a cuddle? All mine did that at some point as toddlers.

My grandson (getting on for 18 months) loves his nana (me) simply because, when I visit, he gets my undivided attention. If I look at my phone, he takes my glasses off my nose!

Perfectly acceptable 3 year old behaviour. My grandson is 4 and you have to let him come to you, he finds social interaction a challenge. He will ignore you for a bit then relax and come round in his own time. He can then be very affectionate. He doesn't like Skype either, sometimes he will join in, frequently he won't. You just accept it's how he is. He finds any social setting a challenge, he prefers to stay indoors at pre school as he can't cope with the playground. I was an early years teacher so I know it's not something to worry about.

Yes, as others have said - keep it zipped! Least said, soonest mended as the saying goes.

The wee one wants the whole of his mother's attention and he doesn't have the social skills yet to be polite!

I'm always amazed at the way kids turn out to be brilliant adults despite apparent 'wrong' parenting.

The phase will pass and he'll want to know you and will be happy to share his mum because he'll be busy doing boy stuff whilst his mum's attention is elsewhere!

No, Skype and the telephone seem to be alien territory for the really young. Even now, at 7, my grandson is not into long distance conversations, yet he chats away quite naturally when we're face-to-face in the same room. He is exactly the same with his father, which drives my DD round the bend. He also was in the 'Mummy, stop talking club ' when he was little, and used to pat her on the cheek to get her attention. I think it's quite normal, paola. Try to reassure your husband that it is quite normal. I say this as a long distance grandma. You and I are on the periphery of the family bonding thing, whether by choice or circumstance
so we either move to be 'granny and grandad down the road' or we accept that we're granny and grandad who visit occasionally.It's not an expression I particularly like but I'm afraid in this instance 'suck it up'. And do not go where angels fear to tread

It's an expression I don't particularly like. Careless proof reading, sorry!

Also, paola please consider what the opposite of 'gentle parenting' might sound like ?

Sensible advice from everyone. He is very little and it is quite understandable that he wants his mother's full attention and you are taking it away. It is never a good idea to compare children.

We see our DGD more frequently and they like a chat on the phone, indeed the little one always asks to speak to DGF.
However, the oldest one (their cousin) even now doesn't like talking on the phone and I can hear a groan at the other end when DD says, 'have a chat to granny now' . But I do get hugs when I see him (he's 8 now).

Many many thanks. It's good to have my view reinforced by so many! he and my daughter will be coming to stay in July, so I do hope to get a smile or a cuddle then!

When I Skyped my grand children from Vietnam my 6 year old grandson said he was too busy reading his book to talk to me! They are children . When I visit my son's house the children carry on playing they don't sit down and keep me company.

Paola definitely agree with what all the others say. I made the mistake of commenting on my daughters soft parenting , she put the phone down on me and we didn't speak for a little while( we never argue so it was difficult).We are fine now, but it wasn't worth it as nothing will change. On the issue of GC not looking/ speaking to you on Skype my other GD lives in Australia when they were 3/5 I used to get books from the library and read them stories over Skype, worked wonders in helping keeping our relationship going and they used to look forward to me skyping.

I agree with others that kids on skype/ facetime ( even when you visit ) wander in and out, talk or don't talk , cuddle or not and that's kids for you, in their own wee world, am sure we were same. Now here I differ from other posters I think it's never to early to teach manners, they all start play group at 3 these days and school at 4 and certainly have to learn behaviour there. Would I speak out, no skype is not right time , but on a visit probably, I'm lucky that my dd brings her kids up same way as she was brought up, ds and dil are slightly different, so would keep lips zipped on mostly all things but not rude behaviour .

I am a long distance grandparent... 5000 miles distance. We Skype quite often - sometimes once a week, then maybe not for three weeks.
My dgs is 2 years 9 months and has an attention span of zero. He is not asked to talk to granny and grandad. The place is filled with toys and we can see him play and ask questions and sing songs. Our most recent is... You Are My Sunshine and I do the actions.
Last week he wasn't interested so his dad ...My ds, put the play doh on the table...in front of the monitor...and the pair of them made play doh worms which within 10 seconds he was holding up to show us, talking about the courts etc.

The main purpose is that he knows who we are, recognizes us, knows the sound of our voices.
And in the middle of all of this, my dh is making donkey and pig and horse noises, and playing peek boo.

we go visit in 6 days (I'm so excited.)

Trying to engage them on a telephone is too difficult.