Potential 'gentle parenting' conflict

Why not post cards or stickers or little gifts all children love post!

It sounds to me like he is an only child. Only children can maybe be self-centred or seem self-centred. I believe part of it may be our British Culture of Loving and Valuing Children. Children in our Culture can be fussed over, given lots of attention, given lots of material things. When this happens I suppose it is quite natural to accept that you are "the centre of the universe", "the apple of everyone's eye". Rather than you are one of many people whom we all Care about.

As you say the child may change with socialising with others. Your Daughter would be wise to tone down her Adoration, and help the child to socialise :- be considerate of others etc. Though I think you pointing out that it is the child who seems to be in charge ( as will not engage socially, turns mother's face away from screen when family on Sype) or any other comments in regards to her Parenting Skills / Techniques or lack of them would only hurt her feelings etc. She Dearly Loves her Precious child.

Seems like maybe your Daughter would Benefit from socialising with other Mothers and Children. Probably at organised events etc where there are Adults trained in Care of Children. As they will want to encourage Socialisation. As your Daughter is unlikely to take heed of another mother etc if the child behaved in an unfriendly manner towards another child. As may repeat what has been done in the home enviroment.

I hope your situation improves. As it would be nice for you to have a good relationship with all your children and Grandchildren. As I am sure you just want to be able to express your love and concern for them by being in regular contact with positive communication.

Well, that was all very interesting and informative Grands.

However, as I said in an earlier post my DGS was much the same at 3 but is not like it at 7.
He is not British either.

It would be interesting to know what he is like with other children, does he play with his cousins when they meet or cling to mum? Small boys are sometimes not very interested in chit chat whoever it is with (some never stop talking) and yes this type of behaviour, running rings round mum, does seem to go on around mothers with a gentle personality and 1st or only child.

I don't know if anyone has suggested this? but make him the centre of attention
When I Skype my granddaughters.it is all about them.When they were younger it was playing peep a boo.If your happy and you know clap your hands.That kind of thing.Now they are a little older we play hide and seek.They go and hide and my son goes into each room I say look behind the curtains under the bed etc.We have loads of fun and giggles.They also love Simon Says.It's such a short time they are so young, make the most of it and enjoy him as much as you can.Good luck.

ps my son and I have to catch up by phone lol.

I can remember my daughter in law dropping off my granddaughter for the day and her keeping saying "go mummy go" as she wanted me all to herself. I always let children come to me. I think it was a great idea with the play doh as then you were part of the game.

I think that you have to let children come to you, they tend to avoid if they feel crowded by you. You only have to do something that captures their interest.

Gosh, that rings a bell Leticia ! My late husband always used to say 'Let them come to you'.That was his sole contribution to grand-parenting, but he was dead right! There is nothing worse for a child than an adult... even if ( or especially if) it's a Grandma bearing down on them to (in their minds) snatch them away from the person they most trust in the world at that time. If only GPs would take that as their personal mantra a lot of the misery tales we see here on GN could be avoided.

Very true willsmadnan. From OP's viewpoint (which I sympathise with) she lives abroad and can't see her grandchildren who are very special to her and of course she expects a special relationship. But her grandson is a very small child and she doesn't feel special to him- she is just someone, who rather irritatingly for him, wants to talk and takes up his mother's attention.
OP has to build up her own relationship as someone who is interesting to him.
It maybe to do with personalities, maybe he is more introverted, maybe it is to do with him being an only child- who can say?
The answer is not to force it. Maybe he is already picking up body language of disapproval.
As a child I was certainly more comfortable with my mother's relations who just carried on as normal, rather than my father's relations who made a big fuss of you when they met you and expected a hug and a kiss. I wasn't a child who liked hugging people.
It is early days- it will likely change as he gets older.

The most disturbing thing about this is that the OP's hubby gets angry about this - bizarre! - why angry? The child's reluctance to talk to his GPs on skype is nothing to do with parenting style and everything to do with the fact of the child's age and the distance and infrequent contact from his GPs, who live abroad - why we would he be interested in them? The idea that this is due to "gentle parenting" (whatever that is) seems nonsense to me. And there seems to be some implied criticism of such parenting.

This is just a normal child being asked to break off from what he is doing to talk to people he hardly knows, and feeling frustrated that his Mum's attention is totally absorbed in this. All pretty normal and no reason for anger.

Absolutely Luckygirl

I said earlier in the thread: I think it is more your husband's problem if this makes him angry. He doesn't seem to have much understanding of little children. Sorry!
but no-one else seemed to pick up on that and I thought perhaps that I had been somewhat harsh.
However, I still feel that your husband has no understanding of small children - I wonder what kind of father he was and if he was a disciplinarian?

Yes, children do need to learn manners, but at three they have no idea that not wanting to speak to grandparents on a computer is rude!! If his mother insisted he would result in him not wanting to speak to them at all and getting upset about it. Softly, softly catchee monkey

Absolutely not! What do you mean "gentle parenting" anyway?
Have you ever wondered whether it might be something about how you speak to him yourself, perhaps showing your disapproval?
"Say hello to granny/grandpa" is plenty at age 3 and surely the point of Skype with tinies is to share in their play or story not engage them in some artificial conversation, which so often degenerates into a barrage of questions to the poor child.
All I can say is three words
DO NOT CRITICISE
unless you want to alienate the parents and make your grandson think granny and grandpa are grumpy old Gits.

My oldest GS likes to be the main focus either on Skype or FaceTime which is fine but my DGD quite often doesn't want to talk to us which is fine. I often get dizzy as eldest will turn the phone upside down while walking through their apartment but we accept that's his way. The youngest 2 GS's will chat us or we have conversations via Whattsapp and voice messages back and forth.
When we visit we have lovely times with them and try to spend time with them doing lovely things, I bake with my granddaughter and middle grandson and tell them bedtime stories. We often have a sing song via Skype at bedtime which they all love. Just accept they are young and there will come a time when they want to interact with you of their own accord don't try to force it.

I expect others has mentioned that the one who is three, maybe still sky, as my younger granddaughter was until this year, when she started nursery school in NZ, but still only goes a few days a week. So give her time, I am sure she will soon give you a great conversation.

It depends on what your own children were like. DD2 was against so many things and I know she would not have skyped with anybody. Now she is a really friendly pleasnt mother with 2 children and one similar to how she was!
There is nothing anybody can do. Back off! Be happy it is not something much worse that you would really be worried about.

I agree MargaretX!

Plenty worse things to worry about.