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Husband in Hospital

(28 Posts)
over60plus Fri 03-Jun-16 10:01:53

My husband is in hospital very unwell with an infection my problem our only son does not speak to his son (our grandson) , he said last night do not allow him to come to see my dad my husband very close to grandson a very loving and caring young man.
So I tried to be diplomatic not easy in this situation and tried to sort a time out for them both grandson said I do not care what he says I am going to the hospital, most sensible of the two, but trying to keep this away from my husband what do you kind people think the best way round this.

Alea Fri 03-Jun-16 10:08:58

At the risk of causing trouble, why should your son dictate what you or your grandson(I am assuming he is grown up?) do?
Arrange visiting times well apart and tell both of them not to distress grandfather.
Enlist help of ward staff if you want to restrict any visiting if you feel unable to lay down the law yourself, your DH needs rest and no upsets so that he can make a full recovery. Wishing him and you well - you don't need this either, the family should be rallying round you, not adding to your worries. flowers

Alima Fri 03-Jun-16 10:13:28

I agree with what Alea has said. I hope your husband is well and home soon.

Teetime Fri 03-Jun-16 10:17:42

Yes I agree as well. Its up to your DH and you and possibly the hospital team who visits. I hope you DH is feeling better and back home with you soon. flowers

Luckygirl Fri 03-Jun-16 10:21:28

If your husband is close to his GS then he must see him; I agree that the ward staff should be able to hep with this, and that you should try and arrange visits so that the two do not overlap. I am sorry that your OH is ill and that you are also having to deal with this family problem at the same time. I hope he is well soon. flowers

whitewave Fri 03-Jun-16 10:34:19

Good luck and good health to your DH. My husband was in for a month with an infection which was actually never identified! Still alls well now.

You could do without the problem with your son. I take a very jaundiced view of people dictating others life I am afraid. You must do what you honestly think will work for you and your DH.

f77ms Fri 03-Jun-16 10:44:52

I agree with others , it is nothing to do with your son who visits . He needs to grow up . One thing I will say is that the ward staff will have nothing to do with visiting arrangements so it is up to you to make a timetable for visitors . Your husband will be very comforted by seeing his much loved grandson which is really the point . It is beyond me how Fathers can fall out with their own offspring ! I hope your Husband recovers quickly x

Nonnie1 Fri 03-Jun-16 10:50:33

sorry to hear about your husband and hope he gets well soon.

He must know there is a situation between your son and your grandson?

Tell them both your husband comes first, and tell them both he wants to see both of them, and give them timetables.

That should sort it. It sort of relieves you of being the bad person here !

Alea Fri 03-Jun-16 10:53:59

This is where I disagree, f77ms - I am not suggesting they organise a timetable, but a sympathetic sister/charge nurse can be got "on side" to say "So and so hasn't had a good night, could I ask for only 1 visitor at a time /ask you to limit your visit today to (say) 10 minutes/or even, he is sleeping , could you come back another time". The patient's welfare is paramount and if you fear a barney at the bedside or even that he will be distressed, the ward staff will back you up if you explain.

loopylou Fri 03-Jun-16 11:04:39

Sorry but I'd have very little patience with this.
I'd tell your son to grow up and that his son is visiting and that's that. It's more important that your DH sees his beloved DGS than pander to your DS's whims.

f77ms Fri 03-Jun-16 11:06:31

My Mum was admitted to hospital on a regular basis in the last year of her life and we tried to arrange with the staff that she only had a couple of visitors at a time due to her getting a bit agitated when too many were there . We were told they can have nothing to do with visiting arrangements. The staff changed so frequently , we hardly saw the same Sister/charge nurse twice. When I nursed in the 70/80`s the ward sister could dictate how many visitors etc but sadly no longer .

granjura Fri 03-Jun-16 12:24:26

So hard for you, but I agree with others. You son has no right to dictate who sees whom. Your poor DH loves his GS and deserve to see him and vice versa. Hope he is on the mend soon- take care of yourself too. flowers

Christinefrance Fri 03-Jun-16 12:26:42

So sorry to hear of your husband's illness over 60 plus , best wishes for a speedy recovery. Time for your son to put away childish things and man up. Your husband is the person who matters here and extra stress for either of you is not needed. Think as everyone else said they should sort it out themselves and visit separately if necessary.

Greyduster Fri 03-Jun-16 13:16:00

I agree with all this who have said it's not your son's place to dictate who will see your husband. Tell him to wind his neck in! I know if it were my DH, seeing his grandson would be the best medicine he could possibly have.

M0nica Fri 03-Jun-16 14:33:36

No adult has any right to dictate to any other adult in their family how they should behave in relation to other family members.

My grandfather cut off one of his sons because he disapproved of his marriage and told his other children to do so as well. I am not aware that any of them took any notice of his demand, my parents certainly didn't. However no-one told their father that they were still in touch. The peace was kept without futile rows.

I hope your DH is soon well and back home Over60plus flowers

Indinana Fri 03-Jun-16 18:45:30

Your son has no right to ban his son from visiting your DH. I think you should have a stern word with him and remind him that this is all about your DH, not your son. Any differences between him and his son should absolutely be left at home and your son should be man enough to see that your DH having his GS visit will do him a power of good. Doesn't your son want what's best for his Dad? Do his quarrels take precedence over his father's health? Shame on him.

janeainsworth Fri 03-Jun-16 18:52:29

Can't add anything to what the others have said over60plus but I do hope your son sees sense.
Your DH has a right to see his grandson - I hope you can manage to arrange this without falling out with your son.
It's the last thing you need on top of the worry over your husband.
Best wishes to you and to him for a good recovery flowers

Falconbird Fri 03-Jun-16 18:55:03

Speaking from experience you don't need this added stress when your husband is ill in hospital

Take care and I sincerely hope it all works out. flowers

thatbags Fri 03-Jun-16 22:15:51

If your son doesn't speak to your grandson, the grandson needn't know what his father has said. I hope things work out comfortably both with visiting arrangements and with your husband's recovery flowers

morethan2 Sat 04-Jun-16 06:27:52

As if you didn't have enough to worry about. That's excacly what I'd be tell my son if it was me. He needs to put his father and your needs first. Hope your husband gets well soon. Take care you need to be well for him

over60plus Wed 08-Jun-16 05:54:18

Update on situation My OH is recovered and coming home today but boy did our son kick of last night he found out that our gs had been to see his grandad, he rang me and went absolutely mad ranting so I told him a few home truths that we had enough to worry about my first priority was hubby and we could do without his problems with his son and obviously he wanted to go to hospital to see his grandad, he had got up from a night shift early to visit, that way no way would he clash with hid dad. In the end I said if you can't talk civil to me going to put the phone down and block your number, until you can grow up after all he is 45, and that is what I did not had any sleep for worrying had I done the right thing.

GandTea Wed 08-Jun-16 06:40:35

In one word "Yes" continuing to talk to anyone that is being unreasonable just digs the hole deeper.

Anya Wed 08-Jun-16 06:41:47

Glad to see your OH is on the road to recovery. Good on you for having the courage to stand up to your son. You have done the right thing as your husband was your first priority as you said.

janeainsworth Wed 08-Jun-16 06:42:17

You did do the right thing, over60.
It's horrid for you, but stand back, look after your DH, look after yourself, allow your grandson to have a relationship with his grandad, and let your DS stew in his own juice for a while.
Let him come to you, but when he does, be forgiving but make it clear that if he wants to be part of the family, it's on your terms not his.
Good luck and I hope your DH continues to get well flowers

janeainsworth Wed 08-Jun-16 06:46:16

Make it clear you are not taking sides in the disputes between DS and GDS, but you are not going to be shouted at or threatened, nor forced to take sides.