Child minding

You " should want to look after them as much as possible" ? Which will, of course, be as often as the parents need an unpaid babysitter.

Can't you just turn up at their home to visit your grandchildren? Or arrange to take them out at a time suitable to you?

I honestly can't believe the number of grandparents who are grateful to be used as unpaid childcare.

Oh Tt2, I really feel for you! I think your DS and DiL are obviously missing your services, and because of your agony at not seeing the little ones, they are STILL using the kids as hostages. Grandparental alienation is so common, and so wrong! I wonder if you can find a neutral person to advocate for you. Can your local CAB recommend a mediator? See your doctor too, even if just for a short chat and some support.
Remember the story about the oxygen masks in a plane - put your own on before you turn to help the person next to you. Your health and mental wellbeing is important to your grandchildren. Work out what you can and can't do, and stick to your guns.
Thinking of you

Hi guys there has been movement on this situation and i thought id ask what you think to it.
Son rang me!!! Ive been told that i should want to look after james and jocelyn as much as possible. That i should want to offer to babysit every day if need be and if the g/c stay over and son and dil want to go out the next day, i should want to keep the g/c all the next day too.
So its all about me having them as often as they want me too, for as long as they want me too.
I said we should lay down ground rules about times the kids get dropped off and what time they are picked up, and my son said why? Theyre your g/c you should want them !!! Ive tried to reason saying about my ailments.(only 2 but not serious, more painful as i get older) plus i didnt tell you all but, im disabled too, from birth!! Ive just got on with life and never let it hold me back. Had a career, a family etc .
Im told that the g/c havent even mentioned me over the last 5 weeks, which i find hard to believe. Ive asked if my son is going to tell them id like to see them , but he said no, he will wait until they do ask !!! The g/c are only 4 and 5 yrs old!! So what do you think i should do or say next?

Glad to know how you are. You sound stronger

Hello you lovely ladies. I am fine but i guess what hurts the most as well as not seeing my grandchildren, is that my own son can treat me this way. Ive done nothing wrong, yet theyre treating me as though ive mis-treated the children or something. Coolgran, i understand what you are saying about talking to my doctor but its not a mental health prob as such that im suffering but, HURT, and the sheer disbelief that how ones own flesh and blood can be so cruel. He had a charmed upbringing which has obviously made him too full of himself. Thankyou for thinking of me x

OP, I've been thinking of you and hope you feel a little better today.

So sorry for your situation and cannot imagine how I'd cope with it.

You sound beyond consolation and to step back and not make contact may be very difficult for you.

I may get shot down for this suggestion but here goes.

What about a visit to your GP, have a chat, are you sleeping ok, are you feeling anxious?

Yes, I know that medication is not a solution but perhaps a low dosage medication to help you cope for a few weeks may help you get into a gentle routine and let the situation with your son just be what it is.

Stop texting. Stop phoning. If you can go away for a few days without telling them where you are. I realise that is not possible for every one but take a deep breath and step back. You are being treated shamefully and do not deserve this. You are also giving yourself fewer chances to see the children by pestering your son. They are his children and if he wants to use them as pawns iona game of control then it's his prerogative but doesn't make him a very pleasant person.

Today i am distraught. It was a month yesterday since ive seen my grandchildren .
My number has been blocked on son and dil phone so i put 141 in front and rang my son. He answered all cheery saying hello. I replied its only me and he promptly cut me off. Im now so upset . I cant believe its got like this over a spoon and me trying to get some me time. I miss my grandchildren so much. Their stories, kisses, cuddles, games and taking them out.. what am i going to do now?

Your son has the cheek of the devil!! Time to stop the daily texts methinks and ignore them for a while. Are there any go-betweens? Any way that you can find out if the children are ok without actual contact? Who's providing day care at the moment?

tiny These 2 selfish individuals are deliberately emotionally blackmailing you . The only way you will ever not be at their mercy is to stop contacting them , while they have this child that you so desperately want to see nothing will ever change . You will only ever be able to see your GC at their whim and contact could be stopped again for any tiny misdemeanour on your part . They probably feel very powerful and in control maybe for the first time . This poor child is being used to manipulate you and hurt you . If it were me I wouldn't play their game , you will never win anyway .

Well for your son to try and come between you and your partner is definitely not on. He must surely realise that the two of you would present a united front. I am at a complete loss as to what you can do though. Perhaps just wait and see for now.

Scuse my typos again folks... i get upset so i hurry when typing it out

Well here we go with an update guys...ive texted my dil and son twice everyday for last week days just simply putting ...
Are the children alright?
Neither have them have replied.
My partner of 20 yrs gets on well with my son and dil but last week my son asked my partner would he sponsor the children to do a sponsored silence..my partner asked my son if he had asked me too..my son said no. My partner said he would rather not then if they hadnt asked me and guess what??? They are now completely ignoring my partner!!!!! What on earth is going on with them??? I worked as support staff in a mental health environment for years, and can deal with just about any situation but this is beyond even me!!!!

Surely if you text, you have a record of what you sent and so can disprove their statement that you didn't try to contact the children. This is all just manipulation designed to keep you feeling bad to make themselves feel better. I don't see that you can do anything other than draw your boundaries and stick to them despite all the abuse. I realise you may see less of your grandchildren, but being a door mat is no example to show them. I feel sad for you, but for your own sanity and health you need to look after yourself.

Hi guys youre all so kind xx
Ive a bit of a problem not contacting them too...if i ring or text my son or dil they completely ignore it. But in the past when theyve done that to me,ive left them to get on with it and then guess what???
They said. SOME GRANDPARENT YOU ARE YOU HAVENT EVEN TRIED TO CONTACT THE KIDS !!!
Im in a no win situation. Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since ive seen the children.

I too think youre being bullied and punished undeservedly. It must be hard to miss your little ones but you must stand up for yourself or someone else take it on board for you. I wish you all the best in this difficult situation.

Im really shocked too to read your story

So sorry to hear your story Tiny. I look after my granddaughter, now aged 11 in the school holidays and have looked after her two days a week since she was 6 months old, even when my husband and I worked full time. We did this out of love and do not feel taken for granted, my son and his wife constantly thank us and say how grateful they are, we have her two days 7.30am - 5.30pm and two days 7.70am -2pm. I would not be able to look after 2 gc for the hours that you are expected to do. I do not think it's a grandparents responsibility to provide free childcare .I think your son and his wife are treating you very badly

I disagree that they are 'good parents' As others have said they are setting a terrible example to the children. If necessary you can go through the courts so that your grandchildren gain the right to have contact with you. Especially since you have been such a constant in their lives. You have no rights but they do. I think it's a form C2

Can anyone help with my Houdini grandchild! My 21 month grandaughter escapes from the car seat . We have tried everything we can think of! Apart from having an excellent car seat we have bought an extra device to make it even more secure. She got out of it this morning while my daughter was on the M25!
Has anyone out there had this problem and found a solution? I would be very grateful for any advice.

This is such a sad post and all advice given is good. I think when someone bullies you like that, and make no mistake that is what they're doing you have to draw a line in the sand. I would let them know that you're very unhappy not to see the children and are willing to look after them on ....and give them a couple of days or whatever suits you. I would remind him that you are his mother and you want to be treated as such and you raised him and he's still alive. Then I would just leave it a while ,fill your days, don't stay at home waiting for him to call. You can keep a diary for the GC telling them what your doing and how you miss them everyday. Sometimes you just have to stand your ground to get the respect you deserve. I really hope things change for you,maybe when they have to actually pay for childcare they'll realize what they have. You can't go through life being treated like a doormat, life is too short for that.

That is sad Tinytotx2 , I feel for you. Think you must look at the issues in the longer term. This may give you all some breathing space and time to reflect. Maybe you could meet up without the children and get to the bottom of things. Your son's behaviour is irrational and very hurtful, you are not at fault he must take responsibility for his life and family.
Rest and de stress for a while before any action.

As hard as it is for you now, just sit it out try and occupy yourself with friends and other activities. Do not contact them as they will be expecting you to do so. You will find they will contact you first with some excuse. Sorry if I also sound controlling dont mean to be, if you dont look after yourself they def wont. Take care x

Hi im not looking after them anymore because im not allowed to see them anymore. Xx