Grandchildren and naps

Hi, although I'm not new to Gransnet, I don't normally post on here, but read it every day and absolutely love all your topics and comments as they're all so relevant to my life and experiences. I agree that you all sound so nice, sensible and supportive. I've looked after my dgd1 aged nearly 3 since she was 6months old and nap time after lunch for an hour or so is so important. Gives me a much needed break to catch my breath, have a cup of tea and her a chance to recharge her batteries for the rest of the day. We don't always get that now, so by 4/5pm she's overtired and fractious and so is her nana. Then you're into the time of day when it would interfere with her bedtime if she sleeps then. By the time she's picked up at 5.30 or 6pm, I'm certainly ready for bed! Love the time I have with her and we're very close, but it is hard going sometimes.

Why are play pens out of fashion? Is there such a thing as a playpen fashion? If something works use it. At least the child is safe and can see you, can play with toys or even watch the TV. If you get tired you might nod off accidentally and the child is in a safe place. Also the child is safe if you are cooking, answering the door or phone or a call of nature.

Tell you off for letting him cry, so you do what he wants when he cries and he will soon learn how to get his own way with everyone.

I was shocked once when out for lunch in town and a group of working mums came in for a relaxed, chatty lunch when I knew the grandparents were home looking after their young children. Some times the parents get some of the best parts of the deal.

Very easy to tell you how they want their children cared for when they are not doing it 24/7

For most older retired people looking after a toddler 5 days a week is too much and you need to get a workable balance.

Just because they don't actually nap doesn't mean they don't still need "nap time"

So how about making sure you're indoors and doing something calm and snuggly like reading a story with a favourite blanket/teddy at "nap time"

I think that they need that chill out time in the middle of the day long after they've dropped naps, and it can be a mistake to keep them out and about doing active things all day just because they aren't actually sleeping at nap time. They still need the "rest" even if it's with their eyes open

Hope that helps, should keep mum happy

Tell you off for letting him cry, so you do what he wants when he cries and he will soon learn how to get his own way with everyone.

because crying/being distressed is such fun
imagine saying that to any other person - sod off when you're upset, don't want you using it to get your own way?
Kids who are comforted when they're upset learn compassion through your modelling of it

My children dropped naps very soon after 12months old would sometimes have quiet time but they both went to bed and slept well through the night so I was happy with that . All GC are different some nap others don't so I find its best to go with the flow .like other posters have said I would ask how they get them to nap as you are finding it hard .

I think the problem is not the child it's his mother. Rigidity in child rearing never bodes well. Will she expect the naps to continue until he starts school because she wants them to? She's going to be very stressed and frustrated indeed!

They all drop their naps at sometime but I agree you need then to have a quiet time, for your sanity too. I would put him in a buggy watching peppy pig or something he likes as someone else said and tell him with fingers to lips it's quiet time he will soon learn. I've also learned that mum doesn't have to know every single things. Your house, your rules as long as you're Spain at the end of the day and baby is happy.

If he won't sleep you can't make him! Children are all different and he may just not need it any more. I wouldn't be dictated to if he's in my care! Advice to take him out for a long walk sounds good, as does quiet time so he is relaxing at least. Preferably not with TV on as it's a stimulus.

Our midle GD, 2yrs 10mths, has a quiet time just before lunch. She lies on the sofa surrounded by cushions and rests with her eyes open. She likes Granny to sit near her! ?

most nurseries do do quiet time in the middle of the day I think, ours did a story time with cushions after lunch when the ones who still napped were in the nap room.

I think most mothers will be fine with that so long as you are giving them a "rest" time, I think most young kids need that whether they nap or not.

I mean if she says "did he nap" and you say "no but we did have some quiet time and a lie down with a book at nap time, he just didn't sleep" I'm sure she'll be fine with that, as opposed to "no he doesn't nap in my house"

And don't lie about it, the parents'll know! If mine didn't have her rest time she'ld fall asleep at 5 as we got in the door and be too tired for dinner, then wake up at 10 starving and it was horrible for her as well as for us, but mainly for her, so it's not US being "rigid", it's us seeing the consequences of a day with no down time.

"rest" time works exactly as well as a nap, and the evenings/bedtimes were fine so long as she had that

the twins always go to sleep in the pushchair, quite quickly sometimes, and sleep for about 30 min under a tree when they get home. Either that or a car ride. There's no let up otherwise!

Our 17 month old GD and her daddy live with us and naps are becoming rare as she's an inquisitive little one. We adapted the routine for quiet time which sometimes results in a nap. Trick is don't stress, if it happens it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't. I appreciate the small things again like having a coffee and going to the loo in peace.. I'd also say as you're the main daily career, do what works for you.

Afternoon nap? Sleep of any sort wasn't an option with DD1 and DGS1. I was exhausted with DD who was awake 20/24 hours until 3+. DGS1 was slightly better and with perseverance you could get him to nod off. Both would scream forever if left to 'cry it out'. Luckily their siblings were much more sensible.

Having had her nap rather early today as we went for a walk before dinner, 18 month old granddaughter fell asleep on the sofa with the S.O. this afternoon as we were all watching Channel 4 racing from York. Think we may have discovered something.

I have the opposite situation. My DGS loves his naps and I have to curtail them a bit or he is very late to bed for his parents who are both exhausted after work. Today I sort of woke him up by clattering about a bit, and then he just curled up on my lap and went back to sleep.

Just getting reacquainted with Gransnet, this particular topic really resonated with me! My granddaughter is 16 months old, and is a very reluctant napper . I think one of the previous posters hit the nail on the head when they said sometimes children associate sleeping with pain. She really got worse when started teething and I actually thought myself, that she associated the cot with sore teeth ! She will sleep in the car, and also her buggy which is what I have resorted to. I take her out and before we have gone five steps, in fact sometimes just the very act of putting her in the buggy, she's fast asleep. If I fancy a walk we carry on, otherwise I bring the buggy back inside and leave her to sleep. I also have the same problem as a poster mentioned, that of them suddenly deciding they want to sleep at the wrong end of the day !

I personally think everyone benefits from the respite a short nap brings, granny and grandchild, its just finding what methods work . What I would say though is that if I'm solely in charge of the child, I do try to adhere to her parents routine and wishes , however, there has to be some degree of give and take on both sides. I refuse to take orders as to how I have to care for my granddaughter but Im very open to suggestions and will do everything I can to minimise upset and disruption to either child or parents.

Luckygirl my two GS's were the same. They would sleep like the dead all afternoon if they could. I used to have arguments with SIL because he wanted me to keep them awake but there's a limit to what you can do to wake them up. DD didn't mind because if they'd gone to bed early she would hardly have seen them during the week.