Are we guilty of this?

I didn't have any grandparents around when I was growing up, my children only had one granddad around who wasn't well enough to get too involved so I vowed I would be there for my grandchildren.
What fun I have had!
I often took the four of them out together on my own.
Visiting the children's farm and fishing,boating and paddling in the river in the Yorkshire Dales.Geocaching in the local parks and countryside. Taking them caravanning,visiting interesting museums and activity places when the weather was bad. Sledging and building snowmen and lots of other things. I have also had the usual sleepovers and babysititting. Took an active interest in school and church events. How the years have flown past!
One is now backpacking in Australia, another is about to join the RAF, another is starting a dental nurse apprenticeship and the youngest is off to secondary school.
I feel as if I've been the best grandma I could be and still am.Dodgy knees are holding me back a little now but I'm still here.
I've been very fortunate in that my son and daughter only live a few miles away with their families.

I do feel a little guilty, all of ours except one live far away (Kuwait and India), and we rarely see them. I do see DS1's family every year though, when they come to England for the summer. But not as much as DIL's Dad who lives next door to their England flat.
When they come here we spend time talking to them, but this time they went on more outings.
That thread has made me think. I once said to both sons, I'd like to keep in touch with them by email, get some correspondence going, but one said it would be no good, they don't correspond with anyone (tablets etc.)Not quite true, but their tablets were banned this time.

I don't understand this expectation regarding grandparents. I don't remember my grandmother crawling around on the floor desperately trying to play, when the age for enjoyable crawling was long past. I think it might have alarmed me seeing her crawling around considering her age. I am so glad my mother never felt she should have been crawling about amusing my children "hands on". She was too busy enjoying being with them and seeing us all, in between helpfully making nice meals and giving us a comfortable time when we visited although her routines were all changed. Give grandparents a break I would say. I wanted her to enjoy the children not knacker herself on our behalf anytime.

Just listening to Judith Durham singing MormingTown Ride
My wonderful GP sang this to me and I sing it often to my wonderful GC.
I have yet to meet a GP who doesn't love and spend quality time with their GC.
My parents also had lovely GPs.
Just wondering how much time & effort tomorrows GPs will able to give their GC??

My D's ILs are the same they never see the GC and when my D makes the effort to see them they just sit in another room and ignore them or will happily sit in the room smoking with no thought what so ever for the GC,they have promised to take them on holidays and many other promises but never came through with any of them, I gave uo work three years ago so that I could look after the GC so my D could go to UNi to train as a midwife, I will be the first to admit it was hard going looking after three children as they lived with us during the week and went home weekends when my D and SiL were home if not they stayed with us, we became second parents really but I would not change any of it we loved it and are proud to have helped with a bit of their upbringing with the same rules my D and SiL would have given them, and now that she has qualified although I am hoping to go back to work PT I will still be around to look after the children, friends say I am mad that I should be doing my own thing I do but will always have time for the children, we have taken them on holidays and do lots of activities together and that includes D and SiL, I feel sorry for those GP's that miss out on this through their own selfish choice.

What a shame. GPs who don't play with their GCs or interact with them are missing out on so much fun. But maybe they really don't know how? I love playing with my DDs three, and would probably even love playing with my DSs youngsters, but his eldest is all grown up and does her own thing, the middle child is his stepson aged 10 (11 in two weeks) and is quite introverted and I haven't yet been able to break into his world. But I'll get there. His other child is only 2 so easier to play with but he is quite shy and clings to his mum when we visit - as though we are alien monsters. My DiL is Latvian and absolutely lovely and both children speak English and Latvian (as does my DS). We're having my DDs eldest, a 7yo GS, to stay for the first weekend of the October half term, and has taken his GDs talk on Elf and Safety on the boat quite seriously and when the come to visit delights in giving instructions to his little sisters.

I just can't understand GPs who just look in from the outside and then carry on doing their own thing

Souperkiki I was thinking along those lines too.
We lived with Mum's parents for a few years, then lived just around the corner from both sets and saw them most days but the relationship was casual. There were weekly family get-togethers and no-one had more attention than anyone else.
So different from the rare visits nowadays that some of us have, when more seems to be expected on both sides.

I couldn't believe that this happened, until I read so many similar experiences. I do think though as you get older, it is a lot more tiring to play and interact with young children all day. For some grandparents maybe it is enough to just have them around or to stay with them and they don't necessarily see the need to play with them all the time. If they live a long way from them perhaps the imagining is different to the reality! My own parents adored my children and often looked after them, but I don't think that generation went in for pandering to them.

We see our grand daughters around once every 2 or 3 months.....they're my Steps actually, but I love them to bits.
I've started the Tradition of having a Lucky Dip Bag and the 2 girls love that. A friend brought her girlie round to see me and I did one for her....she's never seen a Lucky Dip Bag before. Bless her. I think now the tradition will be passed on. LOL.

Hey there, no obviously she needs to visit some of the other GPs then. I have and always have had my grandchildren, holidays, babysitting, school takings and school pickups, I wouldn't have it any other way and nor would my children. Both my husband and myself love having them. We have recently moved away, but I have travelled down south to pick them up, they have stayed with us practically every holiday so far. GREAT! The mums net lady should read some of your comments. Maybe she should talk to the GPs and let them know what they are doing. Could it be that she hasn't made an effort herself. Maybe it's a bit of both. Maybe GM and GF think that they are only visiting as a duty!!! Maybe GPs think that DIL doesn't like them (some of you know how that feels) maybe the GPS think that they don't want them with them. OH DEAR! what a shame

I moved to be nearer my DD & GS last year as I am now widowed & needed to be closer to DD as I have some health issues. I don't see a lot of my GS (he is 6) due to commitments of school & football training, also he has now started playing for an Under 8s team. I unfortunately am not allowed to drive at the moment so I cannot visit - only 10 miles away but bus is a nightmare.

When my DD, her OH & GS come over we have a great time, he chats away just enjoying my company - he also knows I cannot get on the floor to play with him but I will sit & listen to his chatter & join in when he's playing with his football figures (what else for a football mad boy)

We often go out for coffee or a meal in the school holidays & he chats away about what he has done, he is also very considerate about the fact I can't walk far - not bad for a 6 year old.

He's constantly telling me he loves me & giving me cuddles, his misses my late DH as he adored him. Sadly his other GPs who live locally & drive have little time for him but lavish all their attention on other GD

I think it most probably is a breakdown of communication between the generations. Some GPs don't always want to take the initiative with the grandchildren in case the darling DIL is critical of their "interference" - you can guess where my pet gripe comes from - :-)

However, I take issue with the comment from one of the posts, saying that it is some sort of "baby boomer, selfish thing...." - what on earth does that mean? And who on earth is going to take seriously someone who calls herself "TitaniasTits" - a bird lover, perhaps?

Nannyg1, many of the Mums over there gave themselves rude names because they were fed up with the DM quoting them .

My inlaws are like this. I think they like the idea of being grandparents, but not the reality. They would invite us up for a week, maybe MiL would do crafts one morning, they would come out with us for a day out, but the rest of the time they would be doing their own thing in their own studies (very big house) and leave us to it. I would then find that I was expected to cook most of the meals 'because you know what everyone likes' and even have piles of their ironing shoved in front of me. They also chose all the tv programmes, so the children started to not want to go.

They used to come to us, but couldn't cope with it at all, so now always book themselves into B&Bs, appearing just before lunch. As our children were very quiet, and good at entertaining themselves, I found it all very strange. Now that the children are young adults, they all get on very well but the inlaws have very selective memories when they talk about past visits!

The HUGE cupboard full of crafts that they were never allowed to use because it was far too messy there was never enough time.

I agree with Souperkiki on this, and is probably more what we do.No action packed times with the DGC ( they have that from their own parents anyway) but living locally we see them a lot.The older one likes just being with us, talks, and plays computer games, does crosswords with me, and now and then likes a trip out.The younger ones like to come and run around the garden, bubbles etc or inside to get toys out, or crayon, and we do a lot of meals and help out the DC now and then with babysitting.
The DGC just enjoy being here, but of course we interact with them, talk, laugh, watch them do things.

What all children need ( more than toys, presents, trips out) is having an interest taken in them, and being able to chatter away to an older person who isn't busy or distracted.

I envy you, rosesarered

My Mum at 94 was playing table football with our son !! Our house is an extension of their own for our four grandchildren. There are enough toys for a shop upstairs.hThey are often with us and phone with their latest news.The best days are when the two families come for lunch and we sit back and watch the kiddies playing and their parents chatting. Tea is always pancakes and bacon with the four of them cracking eggs and mixing. We feel/hope we are making memories for them. I know how lucky we are and feel very sad for remote GPs because they miss SO much.

It's a symptom of today's society. I watch visitors come round and ignore their children and spend time being busy with phones, tablets etc. I go to visit and find parents ignoring their children and spend time being busy with phones, tablets etc. I volunteer to take youngsters out and do the adults jump up to come with me? No! Some times I'm lucky enough to get a "thanks" but often I wonder if they even hear me.
Just watched one spend the whole hour since arrival on an iPad celebrating the burkini ban being cancelled and only looking up to lecture me on the evils of the French and sexism/racism in today's world. Thought I'd have a break and look on here and what did I find? A complaint from Mumsnetters.

Have read your posts TriciaF and yes, our arrangements are much like yours were in the past. Quite low key but nice.
There seems to be a lot of complaining over on Mumsnet, about everything!

I always think my mother missed out on so much. She really only had any interest in my elder sisters son, and that was very limited. When I think how our grandchildren have been part of our lives since the day they were born she didn't seem to want that. They are always sleeping over and we love having them. There is an age range of 22 down to 3. DD2 was left on her own with 3 children and they were always with us virtually from birth. When DD1 went back to work the children were here, and the same with DSs littlest now. The older grandchildren are always popping over. MIL was the same, not really into children. We have always thought ourselves so lucky to be part of their lives, family gatherings are lovely, 16 last Christmas day. We count ourselves very lucky to be grandparents.

I am besotted with my 6 GC, from 3mnths to 16yrs, I hear my sons talk about when they spent time with my parents they have such lovely memories and I want the same for mine, our youngest son was married to a girl who already had 2 children and with great pleasure we invited them into our family and became Nanny and Granddad, we were so proud of them as they grew up, their own GP's didn't bother much about them, unfortunately the marriage broke down and we stayed good friends with their mum after all she was innocent in the marriage breakdown, but after 4 years her two children now grown up no longer have anything to do with us, in fact recently their mother who is about to remarry has also distanced herself from us, it's all so sad and I confess to being quite tearful about the situation I truly miss them and their mum.....in the meantime our other GC all girls are my hearts delight, they are a blessing and I will never understand GP's who don't enjoy being with their GC

I think grandparents have to develop their own style of grandparenting! However I feel very annoyed to read in the thread that when grandparents are less involved it is considered to be possibly another aspect of the so called "baby boomer" generation and their so called "selfishness"!! Ridiculous!

I don't see my beautiful Grandson very much, but when I do it's very much hands on.

This is very sad, but are you not seeing it from the child's perspective?

My Granny often looked after me and my sister when my mother was at work (I'm talking about the 50s) and she didn't play or take us out - she just went on with her day, the washing - we helped turn the handle on the wringer; gardening - we helped plant seedlings; breaking up salt cubes for the water softener; collecting money from the neighbors for National Savings then walking to the Post Office for saving stamps. Sometimes, when the work was done, we did beautiful jigsaw puzzles together.

Granny didn't invent things to do, we didn't play games, we didn't go to theme parks. She just involved us in her normal day which occasionally included a coach trip with the other old ladies.

I loved it and I learned a lot.