Are we guilty of this?

Some grandparents see their grandchildren regularly, others do not. Some are naturals at interacting, others are not. Some children will interact easily with grandparents, some will not unless coaxed and even coached by their parents. Most grandparents love their grandchildren and look forward to seeing them, even ask to see them, but that doesn't mean the interaction between grandparent and grandchild is easy or natural. There's a bit of me that says please give grandparents a break. We do what we can as individuals, if our way isnt what parents expect for goodness sake tell us (kindly please) and help us to make the interaction more positive for everyone. I didn't play with my grandparents, as others have said we did normal day to day things together with lots of chatting and patience to help me when I needed it and cuddles if I was sad. I think the patience was the key to our relationship. It's what I try to offer my grandchildren along with playing, outings and treats when I have the energy and the old bones allow. I do my best, it's all any of us can do. Of course there are inappropriate grandparent/grandchild relationships that are knowingly created but i would suggest these are in the minority. If our approach is different to the approach the parents expect it's worth considering if different is actually wrong, or is it just different.

There are so many aspects to this. Another one that came to me yesterday is that when "the old bones" start to play up we see the family visits partly as them helping us. After all the years of us giving to them we reach a point when they spend some of their holiday doing jobs for us, ours do. ie our adult children, and the grandchildren.
And as we've helped them out financially many times, they now offer to help us.

Just read the mumsnet post, feel appalled. Us "baby boomers" are coming in for a lot of stick this year. I love spending time with all my grandchildren. Not able to run and play football with them but there are lots of things we can do and enjoy immensely.Like Retrolady says, just involving them in our everyday life gives us all a good time. I hope the grandparents who behave in the way described are in the minority, I can't think of any of my friends who don't enjoy being an active part of their grandchildren's lives, the biggest problem seems to be the living distance from the children.

It is important to accept that grandchildren have different needs at different ages.

We moved 250 miles so that we could be near enough for them to pop in on a Saturday morning, introduce the latest girlfriend then go off again, at which time another would arrive and tell us about her broken heart. That is what the older ones need now, grandparents who will listen and try to be wise and make cups of tea and never judge. One phrase you will never hear from us is "When I was young...". And they know we won't tell tales to the parents.

We will readily admit that we are not perfect grandparents with the little ones but who is perfect? All we can do is our best. We will be making tea and cakes and giving an understanding ear for them when they are older.

My grandchildren live 1,000 miles away but we see them regularly. We often FaceTime so they are used to seeing us. My OH plays the guitar each time so that when we meet up he plays the same songs which they love. My DD will make an effort to see her in laws each time they come to England but they appear disinterested in the children. Their other son and his family live in Hong Kong and they make very little effort with them too. It is so very sad but their loyalty appears to be to their daughter, 7 children to 3 different men, who lives nearby but she know's which buttons to press.
Our house is geared to the grandchildren, we have bought bunk beds for the boys and redecorated another bedroom for our granddaughter which they love and their parents appreciate. Because of them I won't downsize to a much smaller house, I need the space to accommodate them, the in laws won't.