Glad I'm NOT a grandparent

My name is NfkDumpling and I have one husband, three children, four grandchildren and four granddogs and two grandcats. Grandchildren and granddogs come to stay occasionally in school holidays and we enjoy family meals and outings.

A lot of the friends we have are through mutual interests and they don't know I have children, let alone grandchildren. It's not relevant to that friendship so we don't discuss it. What's the problem.

(I thought Gransnet was for granny age people who want a bit of grownup discussion. I didn't realise grandchildren were compulsory.)

As you wrote to me directly, bionicwoman it's only fair that I try to grasp your reasons for feeling the way you do. Maybe you could try to steer conversations with your friends more in your direction, like asking what songs the children learn nowadays (if you like singing), or what quilting patterns are popular for kids today (if you like embroidery). Then you will feel part of the discussion and the topics will take on a new dimension beyond just grandchildren. Maybe you have a brother or sister with grandchildren and you could get involved in a small way so that you too have some knowledge to impart when your friends are talking about theirs.
I'm not yet retired, but I do have dogs, grandchildren and hobbies. I can turn the discussions round to suit the audience I am talking with, so I'm surprised your friends seem so limited in their topics of conversation.

How judgemental of you Bionicwoman. Do you realise that you are coming over as a strange mix of smug and defensive? As another poster commented, I didn't expect to be, or want to be, a grandmother, but they arrived anyway and my love for them is a wonderful thing and makes me see the world in a different light. However, having grandchildren does not mean that I talk incessantly about them, or that I have no other interests. It certainly does not mean that I judge others on whether or not they have children or grandchildren and that attitude is not something I have seen on this site while I've been following it. So, I am puzzled as to why you chose to vent your anger on Gransnet contributors, lumping us all together into one homogenous, boring group and in so doing, proving that you have not looked closely at the site. Personally, I couldn't care less about your petty frustrations, but if you do want to put them out there for the world to see I would recommend you start a thread for ' bitter old women.

i was never interested in grandchildren and was quite happy to see DD immersed in her career while I pursued my own interests. Ten years later I don't know what I would do without three grandsons.

Bionicwoman welcome to GN. Not everyone on here has grandchildren, though given the age range we fall into, many of us do have. Have a look at the thread titles and you will see that they cover a wide spectrum of topics. I am frankly more of a bore about my dog than my grandchildren, all of whom I love deeply. But they are not my total raisin d'etre.

Which grape variety are your grandchildren Judthepud2? I know a few kids called Chardonnay or Chianti.

Sorry, I couldn't resist ("raisin") ... had too many glasses of Merlot tonight!

A rich variety Lillie. But all 'Gran reserva'

!!

I am new here myself, but the last thing I would do is start a thread about not wanting grandchildren.

It did sound a bit angry . It did get a response though which is really what this kind of thread will elicit.

Nobody misses what they don't have, but come back if you do have a grandchild and say what you think then.

Here's a positive:
The world is looking bleak environmentally and politically, I would be relieved to not have to worry about any more generations of my loved ones in that respect.
I also love babies so would find the positive either way

Otherwise, the grandparenting you describe is only one type of grandparenting. LOADS of grandparents don't do any childcare and just enjoy their grandchildren for visits and family get-togethers where it's still the parents doing the leg-work!
Babysitting and sleep-overs are only for families who it suits, and many many kids never sleep over at their grandparents house without their parents.

I don't think you will have the delightful grandchild free existance you are selling however, if you don't want to hear about what matters in other people's lives.

It'll be an unnecessarily lonely grandchild-free life if you keep that up

I will never EVER ever ever ever run a marathon - SOD THAT!, but I have friends who do and I want to hear what crazy races they have coming up and how they got on in the last one etc.

There are places that are not on my "to visit" list but if someone has recently travelled I want to hear all about it

I do not want an indoor pet, I will happily chat about other people's pets...

So why don't you want to hear about other people's grandchildren just because you don't have/want your own? That is not a normal way to interract with people you know!

I don't discuss GCs with my friends very often. It's far more interesting to get a blow by blow account of each others' operations and ailments.

anno

That is so depressing isn't it! Such a relief when someone says 'how's the family?' or 'have you planned any trips?' or 'how are the wee dogs?' (not well, unfortunately ...)

I read something somewhere, ( it may have been here on Gransnet) about a couple that went to dinner with friends, who brought with them another couple that constantly talked about themselves the whole eveing, when they came up for air they made a comment about people with grandchildren were always talking about them. The husband, fed up with not getting a word in, quickly retorted "I do talk about my grandchildren, I find it stops me talking about myself!"

Why is it called Gransnet if its not for grans? I just presumed it was from the name although since posting I know not everyone is
I m not bothered one way or t'other just curious

Depends Bluebell. When is a gran not a gran? I have a friend who's not likely to ever have grandchildren, so she sort of shares mine. When my DS lived quite a distance away a neighbour with distant grandchildren adopted my DGS. There are step-grans, grans living-in-hope grans, dog and cat grans, pretend grans. I assumed this was a forum for the gran-aged.

I can't remember the last time I talked about my grandsons on GN, or "droned on" about them in real life. Though if anyone is even the teensy bit interested, I love the bones of the three of them and would lay my life down for any one without a second thought.

What a strange OP. It's like starting a thread saying you're glad you're not a dog owner. I am actually, but only because I'd have to scoop their poop and find someone to look after them while I went on holiday. Boring? You bet!

Well that's a bit pedantic Nlkdumpling as all the people you mention seem to be involved with grandchildren which kind of gets them through the door ....maybe it should be called 'theoverfiftiesnet' haha I just saw the word Gran and as I am one joined, as I say it's not a problem just think it's a strange name if they re looking for any third age person to join and not just grandparents

I wonder if OP enjoyed and is enjoying parenthood. I think it is something so special and wonderful I would like my children to have that same great(usually!!) experience.

I can understand indifference to grandchildren, but not liking cats OR dogs...........!?!

(Not OP, but (I think) sheerhell, could be wrong, often am)

I adore our six grandchildren, however today many people choose not to have children for a multitude of reasons and therefore cannot have grandchildren. So I believe your pleasure in not having grandchildren is a very normal reaction in our modern world!
I also believe I adore my grandchildren because I adored my own children, and I feel I can really enjoy the pleasure of grandchildren without having the responsibility. Additionally my children ask for advice and are very grateful for our support.

I find it strange for someone to bog on about not wanting grandchildren, that,s not a choice is it? Unless you chose not to have children , but I can't stand people who bog on about not wanting children either ( usually journalists who write long articles about it). I just think fine, get on with it, you don't have to justify it. As someone else said- I wouldn't write to a dog owner's site and talk about the joys of non dog ownership, or say how brilliant it is that I choose not to travel long haul for my holidays. I don't discuss my grandchildren non stop, I do have a life, as they say, the family are an important part of it, but not the sum total.

That is great bionicwoman that you are very happy with your DC's decision to not have GC. I always feel sorry for people who feel the pressure to have DC.

You are also welcome to post on Gransnet, you don't have to be a grandmother, most threads are about everything but GC.

Everyone is entitled to their own outlook on Grandchildren. Indeed I have seen both attitudes in my own family. We all need help at times and I think that having a Grandchild to care for brings back the silliness in you and the ability to act daft and not be embarrassed. It's another dimension to the continuation of life. Have to say being a Narnie is one of the best things in life! We have such fun together! ?

To say nothing of the fact that other people's grandchildren will be/are running the hospitals, care homes, schools, the police, the country...

Without someone's grandchildren where would we all be?