jealous other gran

Some people are just like this and there is little point cogitating on what you may have done to deserve it, it is her, and she is best left to get on with it.

Be cool, be polite, but stop giving it any more thought or attention. You can't change her and it is unlikely that you are the only one she treats that way, stop trying to work it all out. life is too short to take any responsibility for unreasonable people.

I wouldn't bother with any gestures like a Christmas card that cost money, I post my season's greetings on FB now and save a tree.

Don't put yourself in the position where she can snub you but just see who she is and let her deal with it.

etheltbags, make it clear to your DD that you don't hate or dislike the other gran.
Ask her to try not to get drawn into arguments with the other gran, and to do what she can to encourage a good relationship between the two grans, for the sake of DGD.

Other Gran is being a bully, and it is affecting DGD to the extent she won't get any parties and is aware of bad feeling. This is completely wrong.

It's funny when people just don't take to each other, my sons mother in law in NZ is a nice enough person and I don't dislike her, but when I went to visit years ago when the second child was a baby she really got up my pip. Bearing in mind she lives round the corner from them and I see them every 4 or 5 years Everytime I went to pick the baby up she found a reason to whisk him off me and tell me what he liked or didn't like one day my son asked me to look after him while they went for a run, shortly afterwards she 'just popped in ' and completely took over in the nicest possible way once when I was playing with the older child then about 5 she said ' I ve got that story you wanted ' and whisked her off to another room to read her the story while I sat talking to the others and smarting I have to reinitterate she isn't a nasty person but seemed to have to control the whole situation and didn't want me to have a look in and I can't forget that
Don't worry too much Ethlebags I expect it's jealously( not over what you have or haven't ) don't let her cause a rift or difficulties with your daughter it's very difficult when we are the wronged ones but both get blamed

I never even had a conversation with D' s ex MIL despite the fact D and ex were married 10 yrs.. We met just the once at the wedding where she deigned to acknowledge my presence and ignored our family for the rest of the day/evening.
The grandchildren have always had two birthday celebrations one at their's and one at ours. Christmas with the children was always celebrated on Boxing Day as other GPs were at D' s on Christmas day so ex SiL didn't invite us.
None of this is down to me. She just chooses to ignore us.

My co-grandmother and I are very different in so many ways. Luckily we get on fine, tolerate each other's differences and concentrate on the things we have in common. Charity shops, certain books, and life before our children met up are favourite topics!
FWIW I would never discuss her with GC, or let them tell me anything she had said about me or their parents.

She has taken umbrage lots of times. I'm used to talking things over. She just goes out of the room if anyone says anything she doesn't like or has hysterics. I just don't undrstan.d. when my neighbour took huff regarding my garden, I told her with a hug that we were not going to fall out over a garden and now she's fine. Its not just about manners. I just want to be friends. It would be better for the little one.

One of my little grand daughters sees lots more of her daddy's mother than of me and stays over too. So far she has only visited here a few times and has not had any overnights. I can't pretend I am not jealous, but I realise that this is my own fault, as other grannie lives 3 miles away whereas I live 120 miles away and DGD is only 5 so an overnight isn't practical! Therefore despite the feelings of envy (which I keep to myself!) I don't have any ill will to other grannie I am just happy that DGD has her around and that she is able to help with the practical stuff for my DD who is in the last year of her degree.

Peopleoften assume that the mother's mother is the favourite (maternal
Grandmother) but this isn't always the case! Does she think you have preferential
Treatment or priveleges I wonder?
I agree you could ask yout daughter to try and find out why she (MiL) feels like this. What a difficult situation! I would also stress that you dont 'hate' the other grandmother and try to be friendly and sensitive if you come across her! Im
Careful With my daughters MiL not to go on about how frequently i see her etc. My sSons MiL can be annoying talking about when the children have visited etc (much more often than they see us) but I try not to let it show!

Yes and no.

I know what I mean but dont have the words to convey it.
I will try again and give an example.

I am going to visit a daughter in two weeks time. I know I dont need to ask to come. [she has been waiting for me to visit].
The other in law, although very much loved in all our cases, cannot for example have such a free rein of things.
Not the best words, and totally not even true in lots of relationship dynamics, but perhaps, just perhaps that is what the other grannie is feeling?

Another example. I wouldnt hold back in telling my daughter "good advice". My DD would take it or ignore it. The in law has to hold back just a wee bit?

In shoprt she may be jealous of you, regardless of anything you may have done.

It was a shock when I realised that DD's MIL was saying things to be spiteful and wasn't one of those people who accidentally put their foot in it.
But then again she is horrible to quite a lot of people.
If we have to meet in a social or family setting I try to be very nice to her, but wouldn't go out of my way to be friendly.
She has a very jealous personality, I had never met anyone quite like her before.

DIL's mother, on the other hand, is absolutely lovely.

I think this refers back to another thread where ethel was talking about teaching children manners and made it clear that her views on this differed from the "other" gran's. If this was aid to her, then I guess she might have taken the 'ump. Is this what has happened ethel?

did you miss something out?

My guess.
You are the mother of the daughter which means she may feel, even totally unnecessarily, that you hav.. again I dont know which words to use.

The last sentence bothers me. Hope other grannies can offer suggestions.

What an odd situation, is she just like this with you or are there others she seems to dislike as much? Sounds like she has 'issues' that really are nothing to do with you. Has your daughter asked her what the problem is? Maybe you could write her a letter asking what her problem is?